A Khajiit's Guide to Skyrim

For the fellow khajiit who are new to Skyrim, as Skyrim is unfriendly to all non-nords, and is much colder than the warm sands of our home Elsweyr.

This one understands your pain, and will educate you on the ways of Skyrim and how to "fit in", so to speak, and perhaps make a profit out of it. With this guide you will be a certified snow trotting khajiit in no time!

(Artwork used in branding image is not my work, it was made by deviantart user Dimikka!)

History

(art by CanisAlbus from deviantart)

We khajiit have been around since way back in the very first game, Arena, though our bretheren looked very different in Arena than in today's history, looking more like the bosmer. These versions of ourselves are known as the Ohmes. We once again appeared in Daggerfall, this time our bretheren had more cat-like features, such as fur, claws, and tails, these versions of ourselves were known as the Ohmes-raht, but like the Ohmes they were eventually forgotten by history and were rarely seen outside of our precious homeland. Then Morrowind came, what a strange age that was, this one thinks! It was in this era that we khajiit adopted more cat-like physiology, with fully cat-like heads and faces, tails, thick and beautiful fur and digitigrade legs and feet. they were known as the Suthay-raht. In Oblivion onward we were depicted by our most common relatives aside from the Suthay-raht, the Cathay-raht. They look similar to the suthay-raht, but with more.. err.. human-like legs and feet, like a filthy nord and one of our bretheren mated and had a kid! Albeit, the Cathay-raht are far better looking than humans, this one thinks. This one happens to be cathay-raht, this one is proud of it, better feet for kicking hindquarters.

The Stereotypes

We khajiit are common targets of this in the bitter cold lands of Skyrim, constantly accused of being thieves, smugglers, pick pockets, mudcrab sympathists, stereotypes that this one likely has never heard of as of yet. At best they see us as thieves and at worst they see us as drug addicts, this one thinks that people who believe these stereotypes deserve a well placed foot to the ample posterior! Not all of us are thieves this one says! Some of us are wizards, monks, iron clad warriors and archers! Do not conform to any stereotypes, ever! If you wish to be a fireball slinging spell casting khajiit, go for it! If you want to be a greatsword wielding berserker, this one shall not stop you! If you want to be a thief, go for it! Just because it's a stereotype doesn't mean it's forbidden.

Culture in Skyrim: Hitting Things

The nords of Skyrim are a proud race of humans who respect the power to hit things. The harder you can hit something, the more honored and respected you are, bonus points if you break something. Overtime you may earn a title after you've successfully broken something by hitting it, such as Shattershield or Bonebreaker. They always use two handed weapons whenever possible and they have a fear of magic, if it isn't big, it's useless. Nords truly believe in the "bigger is better" philosophy, the biggest weapons that can break the most things are the best weapons, forget all those pathetic enchantments or "strategic" weapons like daggers and bows! Simply put, if you want a nord to like you, prove to them that you are good at hitting things. They may even follow you around as a companion! A nord's skull is very useful for breaking open locked doors, as their skulls are very dense and harder than the very weapons that they carry into battle, and don't worry about any serious head injuries, nords are already rather unintelligent as it is.

Culture in Skyrim: Everyday Life

Most of the commoners in Skyrim, especially the nords, have a daily routine in their lives. This one has always been fascinated by it, some nords prefer to stand around in one spot all day without moving, up until it's time for them to go to sleep, only to wake up and repeat the process all over again. While others will wander around town aimlessly, occasionally participating in activities such as chopping wood or sharpening blades that never help them, and repeating the exact same thing to you over and over and over again, this one got tired of that real fast! What this one would give to dig their claws into Nazeem's fat neck...

Culture in Skyrim: Trade and Merchantilism

This one believes there really isn't much to say about the shopkeepers... bartering is an interesting process in which every merchant in the land has identical dialogue to one another, ranging from phrases like "some may call this junk, me I call them treasures" and "oh so you're an alchemist then", they are never men (or women) of many words. Much unlike the merchants from our homeland, Elsweyr. If you wish to reinforce one of our stereotypes, they are remarkably easy to steal from, just find something like a wooden bucket or iron kettle and place it over their head, being the unintelligent humans or elves that they usually are, they won't even notice the object is on their heads. Then you can steal anything you please from their shop and they'll be none the wiser since they won't see you doing it! Unfortunately this does not work with pickpocketing, as they can very much feel your hand.. most of the time anyway, if you're skilled enough pickpocketing is relatively easy too but if you aren't skilled enough.. then.. well.. this one thinks it was nice knowing you before you got several weapons shoved up your posterior by the local guards.

Culture in Skyrim: Guards and the Law

Ah yes, the city guards, the finest specimens of nords that this one has encountered. The guards generally make sure there are no trouble making thieves or murderers causing trouble. However, to put it bluntly, they are not very good at their jobs... Like all nords they enjoy hitting things, but despite this if you get in trouble with them you can simply pay them money rather than go to jail, granted you can afford it. Even if you're taken to jail, it's easy to conceal a single lockpick and pick your way out of jail, but if you ended up in jail in the first place then your intelligence may be no better than that of the nords... this one means no offense if you have somehow ended up in said position by mistake. While the guards are not the smartest beings in the land, they are surprisingly tough and resisting arrest is not recommended as, unless you are very strong like me, fighting them is nothing short of suicide, if you do end up in a fight with the guards, yield and pay, if you cannot pay or if they refuse the yield, run. Don't fight, just run. It isn't worth getting your claws dirty!

The law is almost as interesting as the guards, as the laws are rather odd, in this one's opinion anyway. Typically the nords' answer to everything is by smashing the problem. With this in mind, despite the common no stealing no killing rule, the most interesting law of all is "every chicken is sacred, thou shalt not kill thy poultry". Seriously, if khajiit kills chicken then nords get angry, not only will the guards try to kill you but so will every citizen in the hold, regardless of their class or position! Even the beggars will have a go at you! This one gives them credit for one thing, the beggars have more balls than Elsweyr's beggars. Something else to keep in mind, sadly skooma and moon sugar are illegal in Skyrim, because to the filthy humans *sips skooma* skooma and moon sugar are drugs, but to us they are a key part of our religion! Why should we have to put up with this? Nonetheless if you must drink your precious skooma and eat your beloved moon sugar, make sure you do it where the authorities won't catch you.. and well even if they do catch you you can usually pay them off.. sometimes they won't really notice at all.. yeah, nord intellect right there.

Culture in Skyrim: Marriage (for Dumbasses)

Surprisingly Accurate

Marriage in Skyrim was a tough topic for even this one to research, and this one is a scholar.. and a thief.. and a bard.. you get the point. After a long time of research this one has figured out the ins and outs of marriage in Skyrim. In order to marry someone, one must first do pointless tasks for the person in question, you must then travel to the Temple of Mara in Riften and talk to one of the priests, who'll sell you an Amulet of Mara for only 200 gold! You must then wear the amulet and talk to the one you want to marry, and no matter how well you actually know them or how often you actually interracted with them, they will never refuse! Perhaps it's because of our race's good looks, we khajiit are definitely lookers. After that you simply meet them at the Temple of Mara and.... by the Nine this one got kidnapped by the Dark Brotherhood, now this one will never make it to their wedding! Curses!

Culture in Skyrim: Factions!

Yeah... Those guys...

Well, this one may have missed their wedding but at least they were recruited into a guild of assassins, just because they killed an old abusive lady for some kid! Factions are easy to understand, groups of people with similar ideas and goals, the Companions being the most famous faction in Skyrim since they get paid to hit things, and as we discussed, hitting things is an important part of nordic culture. Factions are relatively easy to join, the leaders never say no and sometimes they give you a simple test, such as reinforcing our stereotype as thieves and picking pockets, or simply.. well.. hitting things... what did you expect?

Nature and Wildlife

...No comment

Ah yes, the wilderness of Skyrim, a cold, beautiful, and unforgiving place. Not as beautiful as Elsweyr but still beautiful nonetheless. The weather is always bitter cold, but thankfully our thick fur gives us an edge against that, giving us an extra measure of warmth, but this one still recommends bundling up as much as possible, wear as many layers of robes, tunics, and iron armor as you possibly can! Weather aside, the wild life is another problem, but this one has plenty of experience and knowledge to share in that regard, fortunately for you, my khajiit brother/sister.

Wolves are common in Skyrim, there isn't really much to talk about with them, they are very possibly suicidal, as they always charge at you and are very fragile, it doesn't matter how skilled of a khajiit you are with a sword, mace, warhammer, or bow, one hit is all it takes to kill them. Wolves are more of a nuisance than a serious threat.

Frostbite spiders, a bit of a bigger threat than wolves, they can poison you, this one knows from experience that frostbite venom is not a fun thing for any khajiit to experience. It is advised that you fight them from a distance with magic or a bow, as their poison can be dangerous, especially if you're at a lower level. Large numbers of these bastards can also be dangerous.

Bears are a big threat, forget dragons, high enough level bears will ♥♥♥♥♥ slap you into Oblivion, this one does not like bears, if you're a new adventurer with a low level, this one recommends fighting at a distance if possible... and somehow bears are a sacred animal among the nords, likely because bears are the best at what they do: hitting things. Refer back to that topic if you're confused, fellow khajiit.

Sabre cats are another big threat, they're faster than bears and unlike bears, who pawse for a moment (I'm not sorry) before delivering their ♥♥♥♥♥ slap, sabre cats can slap you in rapid succession, which can quickly end your life unless you are very strong, like me. Like the bear, fight it at a distance if possible, and don't let it attack you, no matter what. You have been warned.

Trolls... this one despises trolls with a passion... trolls are without a doubt the most powerful animals in Skyrim.. our claws alone cannot destroy these unholy beasts, they have but one weakness: fire. Anything with fire will work, enchanted weapons, spells, your mother cat's cooking, anything. Beware of its epic slap attack, unlike the bear and sabre cat, one slap assault from this animal WILL KILL YOU IF YOU ARE AT A LOW LEVEL! We cannot afford to lose anymore of our khajiit bretheren to these beasts...

The last wildlife creature this one will talk about with their khajiit bretheren is the giant. The giant is a peaceful creature... until you piss it off. Once that happens, unless you're exceptionally strong, it will send you to where no khajiit has gone before... such a shame you won't survive the landing.. this one wonders if they made strong armor and let a giant launch them.. would this one get to see outer space and live? I must try this...

Our Place in Skyrim

In Skyrim, we khajiit suffer the previously mentioned stereotypes, and we are usually not allowed to enter cities. The ignorant citizens, nords especially, of Skyrim can never deny the role we play in Skyrim however, our presense is undeniable! We trade them wares... if they have coin.. wares that may save their idiotic lives from the next dragon or troll attack. Sometimes we embrace our stereotypes and steal from them, without them being none the wiser, and using that money to support people who actually need it... or perhaps simply to buy a nice weapon with which to hit things and earn the respect of the nords in the process. The Thieve's Guild especially is a big opportunity for those khajiit willing to reinforce their stereotypes for profit, or perhaps simply to send a message.

The Dark Brotherhood and Thieve's Guild are ironically the most accepting of us, and the most functional and productive factions in the land, such a shame that the Thieve's Guild forces daedric stuff down your throat and forces you to become the agent of a daedric princein the end.. and the Dark Brotherhood is completely destroyed with you, Nazir, and Babette as the only survivors to keep the faction running. Nonetheless this one enjoys both factions… but this one prefers the Thieve's Guild, such a shame that this one had to destroy the Dark Brotherhood, but which one is the stronger power in the end, hmm? If you are keen on choosing a faction the Thieve's Guild, regardless of the aforementioned flaw, is the most comfortable place for any khajiit... but there are still other options, like if you prefer the path of a mage, or even hitting things as a warrior and earning the respect of the local nords. This one hopes that during your time in Skyrim you will help teach Skyrim's inhabitants that there's more to our kind than what they stereotype and discriminate us as.

Epilogue

Art by deviantart user Isriana

Now you know enough about Skyrim to survive and make a name for yourself, take what you know to heart, hit things to earn nord companions whom you can use as meat shields and for busting down doors with their thick heads, don't be afraid to tell the locals to take their stereotypes and shove them right up their furless posteriors, and watch out for giants. This one wishes you well, and may your roads always lead to warm sands.

There's nothing else, get the ♥♥♥♥ out

Seriously...

[belman083]

Great guide, my friend

[maddog_3060]

A nice, well-done, and lovely in-character guide for the game. Also I love the artwork throughout, it's lovely. And funny.

[ZG Teliyx]

great guide.
now do one for the aspiring orsimer

[Wolf]

cool guide

[Gwengandalf]

extremely helpfull have 3.289 hours in game with every character AVAILABLE.have hated cats in game now I know why. will report back later 1000+ hrs and let you know if guide is correct.

[Gamer Felidae]

To those who rewarded and rated this guide, as well as took the time to leave some lovely comments, I just wanted to say thank you from the bottom of my heart, I didn't really expect this "guide" to get much attention and I don't really even consider it a particularly GOOD "guide", I just made it out of boredom and because I wanted to make something funny but also immersive. Thank you all for taking the time to read it, and I'm happy that you got enjoyment out of it!

[MIJOICANT]

Make me a better Orc Bandit saying.

[Comet Aura]

loved it, had many chuckles reading this and the memes are top notch

[Remi2006]

This one agrees. May the Moons Guide your steps.

[Jomackson]

I mean isn't blacksmithing just another form of beating something senseless?