A Survival Guide to a Cruel Defeat in Marvel Rivals

You've lost a match in Marvel Rivals. Now comes the big question: what do you do next? Here's a complete checklist of the essential steps you need to take to properly process this tragedy.

1. Immediate analysis of the culprits

Every loss has to have its scapegoat. That's why the first thing you need to do is determine who messed up the match the most. Of course:

✅ Healer - if he was on your team, then he was definitely at fault. It doesn't matter that he had the most heals in the match - where was the heal when you needed him?!

✅ Tank - he probably stood like a concrete block and thought he was a statue in Times Square. No aggression, no pressure, just sad walks around the map.

✅ DPS - did they shoot? Yes. Did they hit? Of course not at the opponent, but in the air. It's a miracle that no one reported them for friendly fire.

✅ Matchmaking - it's known that your team consisted of AI at the level of a toaster, and the opponents were e-sports veterans.

✅ Lag - Your internet? It's working. The servers? They were definitely the ones that were lagging.

Important: You definitely didn't do anything wrong. Your decisions were always impeccable, like Tony Stark in a tuxedo.

2. Expressing frustration in chat

Time to move on to the actual response in text chat. You can't just skip to the next game! Here are some mandatory lines of dialogue you should type:

💀 "GG EZ" - even if the loss was a total disaster, it's worth noting that it was a coincidence and you would normally win.

💀 "Healer, do you have hands? XD" - a purely rhetorical question, obviously he didn't.

💀 "Tank, how's your keyboard? Because I think your W button is blocked."

💀 "Matchmaking is so bad that Thanos should Snap with it."

You can also throw something like this into the ether:

🔹 "Oh yeah, my team was made up of NPCs."

🔹 "I used to think I was playing Marvel Rivals, but I think it was Marvel Solo Q."

Don't forget to add an appropriate amount of "XD" to your statements to make them seem half-joking, half-serious.

3. Replay Analysis (or “How is it possible that I lost this?”)

Watching a replay of a match is a key part of the process. The best way to learn is:

🧐 “I was brilliant, but the rest of the team…” – this is obvious.

🧐 “The enemy team got lucky.” – yes, it was definitely a coincidence, not their superior skills.

🧐 “The hitbox system is broken.” – it’s always worth blaming the game mechanics.

Optional: If you feel like it, you can turn the replay into a dramatic documentary and upload it to YouTube with the title “Marvel Rivals matchmaking is broken!!!”

4. Moving to “it’s just a game” mode (but not really)

When emotions subside, you can try to approach the matter rationally:

🤔 "It's just a game, nothing to worry about..."
🤔 "I'm better than most players anyway."
🤔 "I'll definitely win the next match."

Of course, these are all lies, because you'll start another round and get angry anyway. But it's worth pretending for a while that you have control over your emotions.

5. Learning the lesson (i.e. changing the character, but not the play style)

After each defeat, it is worth making some changes. You can, for example:

🔄 Change your character - but still play just as badly.
🔄 Change your tactics - that is, run even more aggressively at your opponent.
🔄 Change your skin - because as we know, skins affect skills.

Optional: You can also write on the forum that "the game is broken and needs a patch".

6. Throwing Out Frustration (Physical Version)

If the loss was really painful, you can:

💢 Hit the desk (but gently, because the equipment costs money).

💢 Throw the mouse (but on the bed, not against the wall).

💢 Assume a "gamer moment" position (i.e. hands on your head and a dramatic sigh).

💢 Act out an emotional scene, like Loki in Ragnarok - i.e. pretend everything is okay, but cry inside.

7. Final decision – what now?

You have three options:

1️⃣ Immediately launch another game – because that was a “warm-up” and now you’ll show what you’re made of!

2️⃣ Turn off the game and rest – but let’s be honest, that’s never a real option.

3️⃣ Think about life and play something else – like chess on your phone, but you’ll still be thinking about Marvel Rivals.

[Tweet]

Ah, go easy on the ragers. Their big dream is to "go pro" and it's dawning on them in real time, no matter how in denial they may be, that no one will ever pay them to play video games professionally.

[Jammy]

Thanks it worked.

[NinjaDubbs]

b word works best

[Don Cheadle]

wrong call everyone slurs

[-(gD)-Kalt]

its rigged, buy more skins

[Jeremiah Jenkins]

peak