How to be the worst player possible

This guide seeks to explore and inform the reader of the best ways to be the worst as possible at the game.

Preamble

So, you're new to Left 4 Dead 2! You've gotten a couple matches in, it's fun, but it has a steep learning curve! Well, do not fret! We've all been there. You may feel like a burden on your team, but do not worry! I will show you how to go from being a mere burden to a certified war-criminal. So grab a cola, turn on some Eurobeat, and learn. Let's hop in.

(this assumes you are playing on campaign)

Part 1: Basics

in terms of movement Left 4 Dead 2 plays the same as most FPS games, so be sure to play it as you would DOOM or Half Life. Your teammates don't really matter, and you can take on a horde with just a shotgun just fine. If they can't catch up, then rightly call them out for what they are. Useless ♥♥♥♥♥♥♥ who should get better at the game. After all, all that matters is you get to the saferoom. Don't be afraid to shoot teammates if they are low on health and you're near the safehouse. It's funny and they should just get over it.

Part 2: Smaller ways to cause annoyance

This will be presented in an easy-to-digest format

1. shoot your teammates. Be sure to do it on purpose and just say you were trying to protect them if they freak out.
2. SHOOT ANY GASCANS you need to collect. Say it's an accident, but secretly, you know it's not.
3. Shoot any Gascans you see. Doesn't matter if your teammates are nearby.
4. Shoot any of the propane tanks, and similar throwables, some may take a couple seconds to detonate but that's fine. Bonus points if they are next to your mates.
5. use as many molotovs as possible. Again, if you 'accidentally' hit your teammates, they'll forgive you. After all, you're a beginner, and any 'mistakes' you make are all completely okay.
6. Focus on using the cool weapons instead of helping your team. A good example is the No Mercy finale. Have fun using the minigun, then blame your team when a horde of zombies rush behind you and take you down.
7. 'accidentally' throw a bile-bomb at a teammate
8. Stay behind and do nothing in the Dead Center and The Passing finales. You are kind of helping by standing around and waiting for your team to get the cans for you, right?
9. when your teammates need to heal, use a medkit on yourself. If you're at 70HP and have a medkit, use that on yourself and grab the other one. You're just healing, what's the problem?
10. Spam chat full of ♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥ instead of helping
11.When a teammate is reviving you, don't try to cover them from any zombies coming at them. That's their job anyway. Refer to rule 12 if they also die mid-healing you.
12. Blame your team for everything that slightly goes wrong. Idiots, the lot of them.
13. Don't heal your teammates.
14. You can just let them deal with the Tank. You've done enough work anyway.
15. Spam voicelines, because LOL
16. Rush ahead. Don't wait for them.
17. Lag behind when possible.
18. Waste valuable resources and weapons when you can.
19. Hang off buildings when possible, refer back to section 12 if you need help.
20. have a bad mic

Part 3: the ULTIMATE way to fail and closing thoughts

If you see a special infected, run towards it. Alert as many witches as you can, set off car alarms as much as possible, trap yourself in hordes of infected and try to shoot your way out (you can't) and be sure, BE ABSOLUTELY SURE to take on tanks by yourself, and run from your team when you can. I hope this was a helpful, albeit poorly-organised guide. Take care, play bad, and jack off.

[naables23]

nice info

[Tiberianfiend]

to the bot that keeps spamming that ♥♥♥♥♥♥ video of the fat autist wheezing about some leech reactor, please consider, there's this fun thing called a 'bridge' that you can jump off of, it leads to some interesting opportunities

[2bsaber]

oh.

[Tiberianfiend]

@2bZealot some squeaker spazzing out over some no-name reactor watching his eagle video or some ♥♥♥♥

[charlie711]

@idiot 3 alt 1, no one ♥♥♥♥♥♥♥ cares about that dumb video

[2bsaber]

whats the video about?(youtube doesnt work for me)

[Tiberianfiend]

@idiot 3 alt 1 what a ♥♥♥♥♥♥♥ video

[Tiberianfiend]

@Gooble I‘m glad I could be of help! Good luck

[John]

thanks for this i really needed it