How to: Be a Predator- in dbd UwU

*WARNING*
I got hairy legs that turned
That (that that that ) turn
Uh guh um blonde in the sun
And the kids used to come up
And reach in the pool
And rub my leg down
So it was straight and then
Watch the hair come back up again
They looked at it so I learned about roaches
I learned about kids jumpin on my lap
And I've loved kids jumpin on my lap

PSST.. YOU THERE, YES YES YES YOU.. Seems you came here to learn my good ol' tricks and ways to become a well respected predator hmm?? OH I bet you wish you were as cracked at this game as I am huh? God*amn right sonny. WORRY NOT ripe one, by the time you finish the "PREDATORY DODO COURSE" you'll be able to step on your opponents just like in those nice *CORN* movies you watch late at night. Now listen up and be very careful, this guide ain't for wussies ok? Grab ya ballz and prepare to become a real man, you SCHNITZEL. Here ya go.

Oprindeligt skrevet af author:

Here's some basic details before you read into the actual material and get your mind blown.

• PRICE OF THE COURSE

  all you gotta do is ligma, just once sonny i promise
  

• OBJECTIVE

  if you still got any brain cells left once all is done, you should be able to increase your DBD skill as if you were on crack cocaine by the end of this
  

• DURATION OF THE COURSE

  imma approximate this at around one month of constant practice
  

• RISK FACTORS

  possible spontaneous combustion; only happens to 0.00001% of players so start praying like i do

How to tame a wuss- *ahem* KILLER?!

MY TIPS ON HOW TO TAME KILLERS WORK IN 99.9% OF CASES

Let me tell you, I am sick of hearing everyone say: Oooooh, Master Dodo, please tell us how you tame the beasts and monsters that chase us into eternal damnation and then HOOMP us on the ground at 5am??????!!!! PLEASE!!??

So here's the real golden TOP SECRET ways to achieve this marvelous outcome, which could result in your ESCAPE FROM THE TRIAL.

ALRIGHTY! Gather around children. First and for most, it is important to understand that in this game, although you play in a team of 4, ultimately it is YOUR PATOOTIE that matters. Unless you're tryna simp for your lil' sweet baby boo boo, which I totally understand.

Now as I was saying, my expertise is on EU servers comrades, but I am pretty sure this works on all servers. Trust my words, I am a uhm- a certified DBD coach yes, yes, yes.

There are 3 main VERIFIED ways through which you can gain a killers affection:

• BECOME THE RAT YOU KNOW YOU ARE

• HORSE BOYAH ACTION

• CRACKED REVERSE GRINDING

Oprindeligt skrevet af author:

BECOME THE RAT YOU KNOW YOU ARE
Yeah right, I'm looking at you bish, I see you there sneakin around with urban and tryna selfcare in basement; IF you're that kinda schmuck, this strat might work best for ya.
All you have to do is constantly run the killer to your alleged friends and betray their trust. Should be EZ enough. The success rate for this strat is estimated (*by the dodo researchers*) to be at around 70%. Boy oh boy, we all love a good SNITCH don't we?

Oprindeligt skrevet af author:

HORSE BOYAH ACTION
One of the more wholesome strats you can try is using everyone's favorite boyo, Maurice. Obviously this only works on the Father Campbell's Chapel map. I can guarantee a 90% success rate, UNLESS you're going against a russian killer, in which case RIP. This should not require too much of your brain power. All you have to do is find Maurice at the carnival and spam 1&2 on his arse. The killer will proceed to M1 at the horse and the bond shall be created. Before you know it, your team is all dead, but who cares ab them anyways, and you get hatch. THANK YOU MAURICE UWU <3

Oprindeligt skrevet af author:

CRACKED REVERSE GRINDING
Listen up schmucks, this one is the ultimate strat that actually, unfortunately for YOU, requires a bit of skill. CLEAN THE TEARS OFF YOUR FACE, I KNOW! But no seriously, everyone can achieve this with PATIENCE and PRACTICE tho, so don't get your little cortex all alarmed.

To begin with, we must understand the value of GRINDING on someone. The *most likely* very lonely killer will immediately fall for you sweet survivor bottom. I promise.

Firstly, you MUST learn how to moonwalk. If you are a console/controller pleb, my condolences. Better uninstall DBD, why don't you?

NOW, After you get the moonwalks in check(i'd say around a month of practice in every game, aka throw the game to practice ur moonies son), you have to get used to crouching and moonwalking at the same time. Better start training that CTRL pinky finger. For best results, use the GOD perk of the GOD survivor, URBAN EVASION. It makes it all smoooooother.

ANY killer under the sun who witnesses such pure display of beauty will fall on their knees and basically carry you to the escape. If they don't they're probably sub-humans and their input doesn't count towards our purpose.

*IMPORTANT MENTION*- this only works if you have slapped the behinds of every survivor in the trial at least once.

Ey, wake up! You made it to the end of the first lesson child. Here's a precious *DODO FEATHER* for you. Congrats. I just wanna say, if either of the 3 strats fail and don't work for you, it's your fault, because my guide is utter perfection. Maybe consider increasing your skill level, I suggest Capri Sun boosters.

DODO SIGNING OUT

[Nudls]

Die Britischen Jungferninseln (englisch British Virgin Islands, offiziell nur Virgin Islands) sind ein britisches Überseegebiet in der Karibik. Sie umfassen mehr als 60 Inseln und Riffe im nordöstlichen Teil der Inselgruppe der Jungferninseln am nördlichen Ende der Inselkette der Kleinen Antillen. Die insbesondere durch Zuwanderung schnell wachsende Bevölkerung (Wanderungssaldoziffer 2012: 18,56 pro 1000 Einwohner, weltweit dritthöchster Wert) bewohnt 16 der etwa 100 km östlich von Puerto Rico gelegenen Inseln.

[Nudls]

This is one of the most amazing guides i have ever read on Steam... It really changed the way i see the world and people around me. I still suck hard and rather play Roblox than dbd, but thank you mommy Nati for the good tips.

[ig ill kms]

child predator next pls

[Абдуло]

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ENG: Choose the one that's on the list and write in my profile, I will answer the same!

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[yzoo]

+rep good cs player

[#Blölöölöö]

OMG Thanks Do u have more tips?

[cookies 4 u]

can you teach us how to have intense gay seggs with meaty bubba? <3

[pook my nuke]

I am finally on my way to becoming a dbd god like your majesty

[ilo<3dodo]

After having read through this marvelous guide as to how to becum a predator.. i went from being a little scrub living in my moms basement to now owning a Ford Ranger... all the credit goes to Sensei Dodo!!!11!1 I always used to get humped on the ground now im the one doing the humping bish #bidengothariylegs

[ç_yç_èyçèyç]

yes, jiden boe