Guzzling That Chuzzle

Listen up you little freaks and weirdos, I know why you're here. You wanna learn how to guzzle down some warm scrumptious chuzzles don't ya you sick f*%k. Now I may not support the kind of brazen chuzzle guzzle based lifestyle you're going for, but if you're gonna do it you should do it right. Here's a few tips to make sure you don't get lost out there.

CHUZZLE B. GUZZLES 12 RULES FOR LIFE

Becoming a Guzzler requires the need for a rigorous and strict lifestyle. If you can follow these simple rules, there may be hope for you yet.

[1] Don't say swears

Swearing is what guzzlers refer to as "low class behavior". Vocabulary of such status has no place on the tongue of the to-be guzzler.

[2] Only consume high quality nutrients.

Real guzzlers never consume foods made with gmos or pesticides. Guzzlers instead derive the majority of their nutrients from foraged berries and vitality supplements.

[3] Keep a bent and defensive posture.

Being a guzzler means you'll be a high priority target for FBI funded special interest gang-stalking squads. Maintaining a slouched and sloth-like posture will allow guzzlers to harden themselves from the attacks from global elite agents and perform tactical retreat maneuvers.

[4] Do not tell the truth.

Under no circumstances should a guzzler ever tell the truth. This extends not only to personal information, but to all situations. Consistently gaslight any human you manage to make contact with. Ideally guzzlers do not have friends or family but if they do these make great practice for lying as you can abuse their love and inherent trust to grease the wheel before you really get going.

[5] Do not allow children to do anything that gives them a tactical advantage over you.

Children may be stupid but they are also agile and fearless. Do not let the child harness more power than is needed to operate the machinery (we'll touch on the child-operated machines in a later chapter).

[6] Compare yourself to other guzzlers.

We here at the Chuzzle Foundation™ like to encourage a form of creative conformity. A good guzzler is ever vigilant in comparing themselves to and evolving off the traits of other guzzlers.











[7] There aren't any more rules.

I lied about there being 12, there are actually 7. If you were a studious chuzzler you'd know reality can't be trusted and the truth is nothing more than a mirage. Stay woke, chuzzlers.

Congratulations, You're on Your Way...

Well, that's it. This marks the day you graduate and become a full time chuzzler. No more studying theory it's time for some field work soldier.


Go on then, pull yourself up by your Croc™ straps and hit the road. It's a scary world out there, kid, but you've got the guts to take it on.

[PACKTODD]

i like chuzzlr (:

[Tedward]

No proof of such claims. I live with the Chuzzles, you "study" them... Think about who knows more. I AM the CHUZZLER.

[WildGarbage]

You may have over 6,000 hours "playtime". Meanwhile I have over 20,000 hours of field work, multiple peer reviewed papers on the breeding habit's of Native Chuzzlers, and a 12 year degree from the prestigious and historic university CBGU. In conclusion, go suck an egg.

[Tedward]

You fool, I have 6,000 hours in Chuzzle. You are nothing to me.

[WildGarbage]

Dear Chuzzle community, there is a new threat upon us. The cretin known as 'Tedward' has threatened our way of life. Please be on the lookout for this fiendish creature.

[Tedward]

I am the chuzzler and i disapprove of this guide

[Nazuna ~Invitine~]

hot

[SoraStream]

chuzzle

[Princess Trashi]

I....