Master Merchant Guide

A guide on how to become the most successful merchant in the lands of Skyrim.

Foreword

If you get offended, learn that this is the internet, and this guide is for satire purposes only.
This guide will get updated periodically.

Character Creation

When designing your character, pick a race that allows you to have the BIGGEST nose possible. A thick and bushy beard is welcome, though optional.

I've chosen Nord in the picture below, but maybe you'd prefer a snouted elf.

Items and Spells you'll need

Below is a list of items and spells that you will need for this play style.

Clothing

Master Robes of Illusion.
Adept Hood.
Any Gloves (Add enchantment for bartering + an extra of your choice).
Any Shoes (Add enchantment for bartering + an extra of your choice).
Amulet of Zenithar.
Two rings (Each can have two enchantments of your choice, thought bartering, speach craft or stealth are reccommended for more money during trades and being able to talk or sneak out of situations better).

Spells

Novice level

Clairvoyance - Shows the path to the current goal.
(Costs 25 Mana per second)
Courage - Target won't flee for 60 seconds, and gets some extra health and stamina.
(Costs 39 Mana)
Fury - Creatures and people up to level 6 will attack anything nearby for 30 seconds.
(Costs 69 Mana)

Apprentice level

Calm - Creatures and people up to level 9 won't fight for 30 seconds.
(Costs 146 Mana)
Fear - Creatures and people up to level 9 flee from combat for 30 seconds.
(Costs 153 Mana)
Muffle - Move more quietly for 180 seconds.
(Costs 144 Mana)

Adept level

Frenzy - Creatures and people up to level 14 will attack anyone nearby for 60 seconds.
(Costs 209 Mana)
Frenzy Rune Dragon Born DLC - Creatures and people up to level 20 will attack anyone nearby for 60 seconds.
(Costs 165 Mana)
Rally - Targets won't flee for 60 seconds and get extra health and stamina.
(Costs 113 Mana)

Expert level

Invisibility - Caster is invisible for 30 seconds. Activating an object or attacking will break the spell.
(Costs 334 Mana)
Pacify - Creatures and people up to level 20 won't fight for 60 seconds.
(Costs 290 Mana)
Rout - Creatures and people up to level 20 flee from combat for 30 seconds.
(Costs 316 Mana)

Master level

Call to Arms - Targets have improved combat skills, health, and stamina for 10 minutes
(Costs 655 Mana)
Harmony - Creatures and people up to level 25 nearby won't fight for 60 seconds.
(Costs 1052 Mana)
Hysteria - Creatures and people up to level 25 flee from combat for 60 seconds.
(Costs 866 Mana)
Mayhem - Creatures and people up to level 25 will attack anyone nearby for 60 seconds
(Costs 990 Mana)

Now, Master spells cannot be purchased initially. To unlock Master Illusion spells, the Illusion Ritual Spell quest must be completed upon reaching level 100 Illusion.

When Levelling up, pick two parts mana, one health and one for stamina.
So in 4 levels, two will be spent in blue, one on red, and the other on green.

Weapons

It is reccommended that you just use your Illusion magic to deal with foes that you encounter, however, keeping a weapon such as an enchanted dagger or enchanted bow will no doubt also come in handy.

When enchanting the weapon, make sure you give it a unique name. One that means something to you or your character.

Perks you'll need

For this Master Merchant build you'll need to take as many perks as possible in the following.

Illusion.
Enchanting.
Sneak.
Speach.
Lockpicking.
Pick Pocket.
And either Heavy or Light armor depending on your personal preferance and if you wish to use the Master robes and Adept hood.

Perk usage

Illusion will be used to trick your foes and make enemies fight each other instead of you.

Enchanting will be used to make your weapons and armour have added effects and to increase the strength of said effects.

Sneak will be used to sneak around in order to steal, backstab or escape from your enemies.

Speach will be used to double cross people in certian missions, to haggle your way out of difficult situations or make people do your bidding more easily.

Lockpicking will be used in combination with Sneak and Pick Pocket in order to get any item you desire and go to any location.

Pick Pocket will be used to take things from others. For instance if you've just spent money (GOD FORBID YOU EVER DO) you can steal it back. Or if a pesky beggar asks for charity, feel free to donate, as long as you TAKE IT BACK.



Heavy or Light armor perks will be used to give extra defence.

Mission and Faction guide

Thieves guild should be the first quest line you do. It will hone your stealing and lying skills and it allows you to get access to the Skeleton key. Sell the Nightingale Armour for extra profit.

Kill off ALL the Dark Brotherhood for money.

Do the Civil war trick where you side with the Storm cloaks but betray them and hand the crown to the Imperials.

Do the Clavicus Vile quest. It allows you to get a helmet which is good for speech craft. It also lets you backstab the dog. What more could a Merchant want?

If you have the Dawn guard DLC, become a vampire then join Dawn guard. Your a sneaky merchant, so nothing is beyond your means.

Once you've given the Golden Claw to the shopkeeper, steal it back, then deny everything and leave.

After you become Thane of Whiterun, stop doing the main quest. Release the dragons, but do nothing about it. They will provide cover for you and fellow merchants while you con, steal and kill.

Food and money

If your Merchant is ever hungry or thirsty, fear not! There's so many free things to be had. No need to waste precious Shekels Septims.

Free fish to be had in lakes, rivers, oceans and ponds.

Free vegetables to be had in farms.

Free ore in the mines. Good for money or smelting.

Free money in homes, pockets and dungeons!

And last, but not least, in order to make more money, consider making yourself a small shop and run all the others out of business with your hefty prices.

Mods

One mod that is good for editing facial features (which will be key for our Merchants massive nose) is the Enhanced Character Edit mod, which can be found at the below link. (Thanks to Dr.0 for telling me about this mod)

http://www.nexusmods.com/skyrim/mods/12951/?

This mod can allow you to give your Merchant a truly substantial nose. One which spans half the width of his face! Oy vey!

Other tips

HORDE WHAT YOU CANNOT SELL so that your home looks like this.

Clear ALL mines of valuable minerals and sell for maximum profits.

Steal ALL the money that you see. Sneak for it if possible, but don't worry about getting caught. If you are caught, try to calm the guards with Illusion magic or simply flee. If you happen to be doing this in Whiterun, don't worry about consequenses. You're Thane remember?
You've got diplomatic immunity here. *Wrings hands*

ALWAYS wear the amulet of Zenithar. It offers a great 10% on prices. Save Septims anywhere you can. Make sure to keep spare amulets on your person for prisoners that you rescue. Make them Merchants too!

Rule of thumb is to NEVER bribe. That costs Septims. Do not intimidate either, your race will stop being percieved as innocent. Persuade or lie whenever possible.

If you're ever called out on it and denying it or fleeing isn't a possibility. Make them regret messing with a Merchant who can cause economical and social collapse at the drop of a penny.

If you have the Dragon Born DLC, head to Gyldenhul Barrow.
Here is the biggest stash of Septims. Atleast 80. YES. 80. Piles of Septims.
Each has about 100 gold. That's 8,000 Septims.The dungeon also has other allsorted goodies such as gems and Stalhrim.

PICK UP AND SELL EVERYTHING. Never miss an opportunity to make money!

When doing dungeons, why bother killing most stuff? Use your magic to make them fight each other, sneakily backstab them or run past, leaving other adventurers to clean house.

Blend in with the crowd. Do normal every day things like visit shops (NEVER buy unless you've checked EVERYWHERE else and ONLY buy from the cheapest shop IF you cannot steal it), go to taverns, take walks and go hunting.

Never sell an item if the shop keeper has less money than its full worth.

Listen in on your neighbours. Report them for any crimes they did and try and get their stuff.

Marry someone who is also a Merchant. They will cook for you, and give you profit from the shops earnings. Don't ever miss a payment.

Do NOTHING unless there is payment at the end of it.

Remember. All this. Is yours to claim, Master Merchant.

[niki00070]

Allmost all posts are archived since around 28th november 2013.
I found it while looking in a thread which I found after searching for same image of a thalmor patrol that was in a thread which I found while looking for the word elf.

[Paintbrush Poltergeist]

My oh my, did it get archived?

[niki00070]

I read your post on that mongolian basket weaving forum.So I came to check out the guide. All I have to say is, based.

[Paintbrush Poltergeist]

Shalom! Thank you.

[!romen]

Oy Vey, splendid guide my friend!

[Paintbrush Poltergeist]

Thank you. Hoarde them shekels!

[Leefz]

Was pretty fun :D

[Paintbrush Poltergeist]

I'm glad you liked it.

[dead_and_gone]

Well, that was quite entertaining.

[Paintbrush Poltergeist]

Good good, don't forget to play both sides of EVERY war. And always have a Samson option.