HOW TO WRITE A GUIDE FOR MONSTER HUNTER RISE (REALLY GOOD)

A short guide with pictures on how to write a Monster Hunter "guide."

WHAT DOES THIS GUIDE ON WRITING A GUIDE GUIDE YOU TO DO?

Monster Hunter Rise is a video game. A common issue many users encounter in Monster Hunter Rise is while you may have installed countless mods to make the game's most revealing outfits even more skimpy and which add tactically located jiggle physics to various aspects of each character, you find yourself wondering how you can acquire an even further dopamine hit utilizing the countless screenshot you've placed in your inconspicuous "Homework" folder which all use Cutesy Pose Set 1 Pose 5.


In this guide, we will explore how to go about writing a guide to thinly veil your excuse to share your various cheesecake screenshots to the general public while still having enough plausible deniability to avoid being called out for it.

STEP 1: COMING UP WITH MATERIAL (THE MOST IMPORTANTEST PART)

The first impression one may have when beginning to write a guide is that you must identify a frequent issue for players which you feel knowledgeable enough to speak on. This may include explaining how the gem system works, the intricacies of melding talismans, monster elemental weaknesses, or optimal keybinds for PC players. This in of itself, however, is a common rookie mistake.


To truly begin writing a guide, you must first gather a handful of pervy screenshots from your collection so that these show up at the top of searches instead of actually useful information. The easiest way to do this is to remove all armor from your character or acquire the shell armor. Be warned, however, as since the shell armor only has skills useful for gunner weapons, you may easily be identified as wearing it for less-than-wholesome reasons while you run around with a longsword. And if you ever run out of screenshots, just use random drawings of the game you find online. Make sure to never credit the original artist and crop out their watermark.



For the technically minded, you can install the Nexus mod manager and download as many wire-thin outfits possible for every NPC, such as the guild maidens, female villagers, and Hojo's baby Tetsucabra. This has the added benefit of being even easier to snag screenshots of, since taking selfies is a little cumbersome and you clearly don't have any friends to pose for you.


In general, around five of these screenshots will do. Another newbie mistake is believing these photos need to be even tangentially related to what your guide will discuss. Quite the opposite, you instead will need a wide variety of completely unrelated screenshots to plaster all over your guide. The more non-sequitur they are not only to the material itself but also each preceding photo the better. if you ever run out of ideas, using pictures of the game's loading screen or some graph from Kiranico will work.

STEP 2: GUIDE INFO I GUESS

Also known as the most boring step, you will, unfortunately, need to come up with something to fill the guide's minimum text limit with. Rather than thinking up answers for a problem, the easiest way to go about this burden is to come up with a problem to solve. It's dangerous to identify an actual issue other players may be experiencing because that requires you to put in the effort of actually coming up with a solution. That's why making up the issue is much more preferable since you already know the answer to this problem you just imagined.



As a few examples, try thinking of rhetorical questions that would cause a reader to think your guide has some insight before they open it. This will trick more people into looking at your glorified photo album. For example, it could be something that sounds like it would answer a potential issue, like "am I getting the right drop rates?" But instead of offering actual insight like how killing and capturing have different drop rates, you just tell users something they unquestionably already know, like "make sure to pick up dropped monster materials." Or you could ask something which sounds like there may be a deeper issue players might not be aware of, like "Is my save file safe from game corruption?" But you just offer an obvious answer like, "yes, because Steam Cloud exists."

Once you begin thinking in terms of rhetorical questions with deceptive phrasing, the one or two paragraphs you are obligated to write will flow naturally. As a plus, your guide will appear informative when it simply states information your grandpa could decipher.

STEP 3: WRITING OR WHATEVER

Sadly, technology has not advanced to the point where A.I. can just write guides for you...hey, wait a minute...


Yeah, nevermind. Since computers aren't able to write the guide for you (yet), you unfortunately need to do some writing on your own. But don't worry, because you can (as always) go the path of least resistance.

As an intro, you can begin by writing like the beginning of a Wikipedia article and describe, in as robotic terms as possible, a summary of the topic at hand which is blatantly obvious to any reader. For instance, if your guide is "helping" with save file corruption, just explain what a save file is. The most important part when writing your intro, however, is to bold random parts of the first sentence. This can be the name of the game, Monster Hunter Rise, or the key topic the guide pretends to address, such as save file corruption.

Underneath your intro, of course, should be more skeevy screenshots. Make sure the guide doesn't automatically resize the images, you want to be extra sure the reader gets to enjoy every individual pixel of your character's naked foot. Continue to do so for each and every section, making sure to never just set the images as floating so they don't stylishly merge with paragraphs, you want to be sure your guide is as much of a chore to scroll through as possible so that readers spend even more time looking at your works of art.

Next, return to old reliable: more rhetorical questions that nobody would ever ask. If we're continuing our example of save file corruption, it can be something you won't even bother answering. For instance, "what may mean my save file is corrupt?" Rather than give an actual response, just list overt signs showing a save file is already corrupted but in bullet-point form, like so. And remember the golden rule: B.A.R. (bold at random).

• The game says your save file is corrupted.
  
• You cannot load your save file.
  
• You try to corrupt your save file and succeed.
  
• When looking at the binary code for your save file, it looks corrupted.
  
• Loading your back up save file works but loading the corrupted one doesn't.

One of your greatest tools are videos, as well. Not your own, since that takes too much work. Just link to something somebody else made, even though people open text guides specifically so they can read solutions rather than sit through ten minutes of some nasally nerd bumbling through it. If you are feeling bold and want to make a video anyway, be sure it has only two or so views to make it even clearer you're just farming for clicks.

FINISHING TOUCHES

Do this a couple of times while breaking the guide into sections. Around three-ish should work, and the sections don't even really need to be defined. Just have one part clearly bleed over into the other with no clear transition.


Once you've completed the bare minimum writing, your effective slideshow is ready to be uploaded! Make sure to snag one last creepshot of your character for the guide's thumbnail. The system will warn you that the photo should have a square aspect ratio, but just ignore it. Restate the first sentence of your intro for the guide summary and you're golden!

If you want to go above and beyond, always make sure to have a "special thanks" or "further reading." As stated, since you probably don't have any friends, you won't have anybody to thank, and you clearly don't read anything of value relevant to these topics, so just link to your own guides. Once you get about four or five guides going, you'll have an insular, incestuous circle of links to expose even more people to your bikini mods.

https://steamcommunity.com/sharedfiles/filedetails/?id=2740894674

Remember to categorize your guide in every single category even if it isn't remotely relevant, as not only are informative guides a competitor for views, reader convenience is also your mortal enemy. Most importantly, make sure to turn off comments. Comments are dangerous because they offer feedback, and so if enough people point out that your guide is worthless, you run the risk of other people realizing the same thing. Once that's handled, you're ready to post that baby and let the views roll in! Unfortunately, there's no way to turn off ratings, so just make sure to rate your own guide up so that it doesn't hit 1/5 stars right away.

Last but not least, end your guide with a catchphrase you'll use on all future guides incessantly and you're good to go!

Stay fresh, cheesebags!

[AirStrikerAlex]

Very real

[SirDiskoman]

I'm usually against guides such as this, but this is pure gold. Fight poison with poison as they say

[Kake ᕕ( ᐛ )ᕗ]

Does anyone know if I can block that person's guides from showing up, I've tried blocking them directly but it didn't work. It's tedious wading through their spam to find guides with actual content that isn't regurgitating content they found on Capcom's twitter account.

[DeadPixels]

seems legit.

[Krow Dotman]

You forgot to block the comment section, lest someone point your guide is bullshit or wrong. You can't criticize great weebo after all

[蓝袍]

Great work！

[Krow Dotman]

This guide is perfect. The reference to that clown A-word weeb is just perfect.

[Spaghetti For Breakfast]

i will never credit an artist i hope all your shitty memes get you zero traction and you have to find other ways to set off your dopamine receptors

[Not_Matlock]

It's not porn, it's art guides!