NOT eating boiled prawns is KILLING your gains!! (DONT LOOK STUPID!)

Never met someone with a taste for prawns I couldn't trust.

Introduction

You've seen them around town, the hottest of babes, the warmest of bosoms, and the fourest of arms. However, have they even SEEN you???
Probably not, because you're too busy spamming L2 at the Mohgwyn Palace while some dude is MohgWINNING with YOUR maidens. Not anymore, by clicking on this guide, you've already started the process of becoming a prawn-eating, maiden collecting, Malenia beating gamer, and I'm gonna teach you how.

Forget what you know about GAINS

Runes this runes that, enough of that stereotypical gain talk, it's time to try something new that's guaranteed to work and show you progress INSTANTLY. To start, you're gonna need those extra crispy, not-too-salted, FIVE pieces of boiled prawn! That's 5 more than your friend who runs Rivers of Blood eats a day.


But wait! You might even be asking, "What the hell is a boiled prawn anyway, and what does it do?"
Prawns are the secret to unlocking the true power of your mind and body in Elden Ring, and NOT eating them is seriously killing your gains and your chances of scoring with the limited maidens in Limgrave. There's some basic facts about prawns you need to know first, such as what they do, and where to get more once you've eaten your first 5 delectable pieces of sweet, savory prawn.

The boiled prawn is an excellent dietary choice for players looking to gain a severe advantage over other players in their quest to become the Elden Lord, and live a maiden-filled lifestyle. The boiled prawn grants various effects such as huge muscles, restorative properties for recovering HP, de-aging you 10 years, and removing certain negative status effects ALONG with applying temporary buffs. Or, y'know, you could throw em... Why would you wanna waste a prawn like that?

By previous consumers, the boiled prawn can be described as a "prime specimen of plump and moist meat. True connoisseurs know how to keep from over-salting. The meat actually looks to have come from a crayfish. Not that it matters, it's delicious all the same.

600 Runes? You're practically STEALING it!

By the time you've used your last scrumptious piece of boiled prawn from character selection, you should already at least 9/10 through the game, as most of the bosses should have already packed their bags and cleared out (results may vary). However, destined death seems to have a way to catch up to those without boiled prawns to snack on. Here's how you can BOOST your prawn quantity with only the change you find on the floor.

Let me introduce you to Blackguard Big Boggart.

Boggart, or BBB, or BB, or Prawn selling man, or dude I accidentally murdered for a James Avery necklace, is a minor NPC found in the Liurnia of the Lakes swamps at the Boilprawn Shack. This is one hell of a prawn-boiler, as can be seen by his absolutely gorgeous prawn-cookin-setup.



After befriending Boggart, he'll say something about Marika's tits and begin to sell you the best prawn you've ever had in your maidenless life, all for only 600 runes a piece, a literal steal.



Also, don't buy the boiled crab, it's fake and not actually a crab, don't tell Boggart but I know where he gets it. Don't read further it's super spoiler alert, like actually, dude stop reading. I warned you. It's Your mom.

Don't just take it from me

I like to consider myself a trustworthy guy, helping others boost their gains and maidens by introducing them to boiled prawns is a very rewarding hobby, however you may not just take my word for it, and that's totally cool. Below I've attached a picture of a before and after that I got consent to post by a now fellow prawn-eater.



A noticeable change for sure. Boiled Prawns have been statistically proven to make even the loserest of losers into Elden Lord material. Godfrey's secret? 2 boiled prawn a day, nobody looks like that naturally.

The facts

One piece of boiled prawn will reduce physical damage by 15% for 60 seconds, because bigger. is. better.

Prawns work better on first-time-consumers, and like all workouts, eventually you'll hit a plateau when counsuming prawns, which means you just have to eat more prawns, not hungry enough? Too bad.


Prawns boost resistances by less the higher your current resistances are. From 0%, you'll notice a 15% boost in overall sexiness, and may even catch the glance of a maiden or two once in a while, you'll definitely be getting compliments by summons such as Mimic Tear, because after all, who better to compliment you than yourself.

Prawnclusion

You heard it here first, if you want the baddest of maidens around in Limgrave, boost your prawn intake. It's as simple as that, trust me, those resistances super-stack on top of one another. Want 2395234957% more physical defense? Just eat more prawns! A no death run has NEVER been easier since Boggart's started selling crispy, non-over-salted, cheap boiled prawns. So get yours today, because eating dung is out of style, and after all:

"Never met someone with a taste for prawns I couldn't trust."

[Deus Ex Machina]

Derrick from MoreOrawnsMorePoise.com approves of this message

[六十七匹の稲妻炎カニ]

those who say that crab meat is superior are quite literally lying, don't eat your superiors you PEASANTS!

[Shadowshard]

LMFAO

[Hyphen]

Prawns are weak sauce... Bro, do you even boil crab??? Buy a bunch of boiled prawns -> receive gesture -> get help from Boggart against Magma Wyrm Makar -> meet him at Leyndell's moat for some proper damage negating goodness.

[Makoto]

kek

[TheWindTraveler]

All jokes aside eating boiled or steamed prawns are great for cutting. Shrimp is one of the most high protein low calorie foods, but not all protein is equal, so if you're looking to make gains, you might wanna eat something with amino concentrations more conducive to muscle protein synthesis like exalted flesh of dappled cured meat along with any of the dried liver varieties for better micro nutrients.

[Argentaux (Ogilby of FentThomas)]

It's legitimately beneficial to purchase the Prawns from Boggart because I have read that this allows for him to be an optional summon against the optional Draconic Guard boss in the Capital Outskirts.

[the Witch-King of Angmar]

In ancient Greek mythology, which ELDEN RING™ is widely known to take inspiration from; it is said that Orpheus once revealed in a dream to the philosopher Bophades, that boiled prawns were the key to the sexual awakening of man.

[cloudyzen]

Life is much easier now

[swag messiah 2: revengeance]

BOILED PRWASN