How to never lose a game - A guide for losers

I know why you're here, because you're fed up of all these "pro C0ckPost" gamers shredding your health with one shot and appearing, most of the time, out of thin air. Well friend, worry no more, put that baseball bat down, and read this guide with me, because I have a remedy that can cure your trashness

Introduction

This guide needs no introduction, as my description above says it all. Please continue to the next section.

Step 1 - Dress the part

Have you ever laid awake at night, tears running down your cheek, your throat hurting, your eyes red, and the only sound in the household is your parents screaming at each other. You're curious, what can they possibly argue about, each and every night, day in and day out, they don't talk to each other all day so why do they at night? You hear the door slam and can tell the sound of your mum starting the car outside. You come out of your room, sniffling and holding back a flood of tears. Walking downstairs, you clutch at your beloved child-hood stuffed animal, Mr. Binky. Mr. Binky never forsakes you, he is always with you when you are sad. Slowly you creep further and further downstairs, as silent as possible. Now you're entering the living room, where all the commotion took place. You freeze. You drop Mr. Binky. Your eyes wide open and your jaw unhinged.

There he is. Your dad. But there's something about him that disturbs you. He's dressed in your mother's summer dress, with her lipstick smeared all over his face. His eyes are running with black eyeliner and he's hurriedly trying to regain balance on 6-inch cherry red high-heels.


So how does my childhood memories apply to your skill in BLOCKPOST? Well that's an easy question. You see, to this day, all my memories of my mother hugging me, loving me, and even breastfeeding me, have actually just been deluded memories of my father dressed up in her clothing. And it is as he so easily fooled me, that you shall fool your enemies.

Dress the part , literally, rename yourself ANYTHING russian, then spend your mother's (or in my case father's) hard earned money on BLOCKPOST cosmetic items, and then increase your mouse sensitivity to at the max. And there you have it, the looks of a winner is complete. Let's move on shall we?

Step 2 - You don't have skill

It's better to come out of denial and admit that you're just simply awful, there isn't a drop of skill in you that could ever help your game-play. So what? If you haven't got skill, what could you possibly do?

Well I have another life lesson from my childhood that can translate to you and your C0CKPOST troubles. You see, when my father was being prosecuted for my mother's murder, all hope was lost, all paths were closed, and all doors were shut. But my father was quite the genius, he used a crowbar and pried a window open, a window to freedom. This isn't an analogy, he just broke out of his holding cell with the crowbar he had stuffed up his bum hole and fled the city. I still haven't heard from him but I know he's coming back, he said he would and that we would watch more TV together and go on bike rides!

I digress, what my father did was pay the ultimate price, he lost his only son, so he could win his battle against the system and court of law. And like my old man, you must do the same. Fully emerge from this guide with the full intention to sweat on every player, not with skill, but with money. That's right, just buy the op pay2win guns.

финиш - Finish

All in all I think we've covered the basics. And if you ever have a few point to spare, an award would go a long way
Yours sincerely, Garney Bumble