Top 21 Neatest Non-Marriage Candidates in Stardew Valley

Back again with another guide, this time it's all 21 of the characters you can build friendship with but can't marry. As always, these are all my own opinions, and most important of all, this is just something silly I'm making in my free time.

Who all am I ranking?

Of all the NPCs in the game, 21 can be given gifts to raise friendship but not be given a Mermaid's Pendant to marry them. This is because they are either not single or not willing to marry you, and if you've kept up with the series you know that's because if this was the list of the two hottest things in existence, consent and not committing adultery would be number one and two.

Bit of a warning, this guide contains spoilers for the heart events of approximately most of the non-marriage candidates in Stardew Valley. I won't lie to you, I just didn't feel like marking them as spoiler.

Number 21: Jodi

Hey. Quick note. I have very different things to say about all these people, and some of them will have a lot less then the other guides due to the characters being less complex by nature.

Now then, I don't get out much so I wouldn't really know, but are most dinner invitations led in with "Hey, can you bring the dinner?" Don't get me wrong, I very much appreciate her inviting me to dinner with her family and cooking the food, but it just seems a bit strange to have the guest bring what is essentially the thing that basically makes the dish. And, as that's the only actual event that takes place involving Jodi, it's the only thing I have to judge her off of.
All around Jodi just never left any impact on me, so that mixed with an all around neutral opinion on her heart event leaves her at the bottom of this list.

Number 20: Sandy

I can appreciate the idea behind Sandy's character, and I enjoy her overall design, and those are the reasons why she's higher then Jodi on this list. However, I do have some disdain towards Sandy in the fact that I feel like she takes away a spot that could be going to an objectively cooler character like Gunther or Marlon. I'll go into my depth about the two of them in my next guide, but all around I would much rather be able to raise friendship with them rather then the lady who owns the store I rarely actually buy from in the desert.
I do feel like I'd appreciate Sandy more if there was one or two physical events that take place with her. As far as my ideas go, I figure it might be cool if she could visit the valley for a bit, maybe hanging out in the saloon or with Emily since they're friends. But in her current state, she just doesn't do much for me.

Number 19: Demetrius

Now Demetrius is quite the character. While I spoke well of Harvey for talking about his passions without caring what people say, I just don't get the same charm from Demetrius. It feels like every single thing he says is science themed in every way and it honestly just gets old for me. And of course even his physical heart event is him ranting about how tomatoes are actually fruits, when he could've just bought literally any other fruit. Like you have an entire lab in your house, how do you not have the common sense to know that people don't want tomatoes when they ask for fruit?
Also as I brought up in Top Six Flyest Honeys, he borderline threatens you during one of Maru's heart events and unless you pretend like he didn't you lose friendship with him. But hey, he's just trying to protect his seemingly hyper-intelligent daughter, and while I don't particularly like overprotective parents, I can't blame him too much since he turns around his perspective later.
Realistically, he's above Jodi and Sandy because he is very respectfully intelligent and his haircut is nothing less then fresh. I mean just look at that cut - it's clean.

Number 18: Jas

Why's Jas here? Well, that's what this section is here for, silly.
Honestly, there isn't that much to say. She's a child. I really like getting the spring onion boost from the eight heart event, that's a neat little thing. And I like that pink cake is one of her favorite things because I find an unnaturally high amount of humor in the idea of giving an actual child an entire cake without permission from their parent and just letting them eat the whole thing.

Number 17: Vincent

I'm sorry, but it's either rewrite Jas's entire entry here because it applies exactly or just don't write it, and I choose don't write is again. The reason Vincent is higher is because he likes snails, and snails are pretty cool. Rock on, Vincent.

Number 16: Gus

Gus isn't a particularly memorable character, but he definitely has a few nice moments. His heart events are pretty interesting, the Mini-Jukebox is a pretty dope item and it's nice to see him encouraging you to kindly ask Pam to pay her tab instead of hard guilting her. And you gotta love the kindness he shows to my man Linus in one of Linus's heart events. He's just a good guy, nothing much to really be said about him.

Number 15: Lewis

That's right, the mayor didn't even make top ten. Lewis appears to be a fine mayor, something I have literally no knowledge on or any basis to judge off of, so I don't have anything to say against him in that regard. But what I can talk about is this man's style - I mean, he's fresh. The hat, the suspenders, the mustache, the eyebrows, it all works so much. I mean, there's a reason that no one in what I can only assume is known history has ever ran against him for the position.
If I must though, I do wish he wouldn't worry about his "authority" as the mayor of a town of less then like 50 people and just date Marnie publicly. They're a super cute couple and I want them to be happy together.

Number 14: Pam

Pam's an interesting character, definitely more on the chaotic side if you ask me, which may make you confused as to why she's a bit higher on the list. First off, she's a bus driver, which frankly is dope. It's a bit weird since I appear to be the only person who ever uses the bus she drives, but hey, that just shows off how dedicated to the art of bus driving she is, and I can really respect that. And along with that, with parsnips being one of her loved gifts, you can boost her friendship really high right when you start the game, which has caused her to be my first villager to ten hearts on numerous occasions. And there's nothing cooler then being sent a full mug of beer that she found randomly in a drawer somewhere and just trying your absolute hardest to figure how and why it was there.
But on a more serious note, I like the whole buying Pam (and Penny if you aren't married to her) a house thing, it's a really feel-good event in my opinion.

Number 13: Dwarf

Yeah, it's dwarf alright.

I do really like dwarf even if they are borderline not even a character in the game, and I honestly would love to see more of them. If dwarf got some mine-based cutscenes for higher friendship they would easily make top ten on this list.
I like how they're just chilling in a cave, I like their little sprite when you talk to them, and I like that they sell bombs without a permit. At least I hope they are, because that would be pretty balling if you ask me. And I always appreciate a Rarecrow, so my main creature of indeterminate gender dwarf having an entire one based of off them? Just plain awesome, simple as that.

Number 12: Wizard

That's right, it's time to rank Abigail's potential biological father.
Aside from the whole possible adultery thing (And from Pierre's potential belief that Abigail could be his daughter, I'm pretty sure it is adultery), the Wizard does look pretty fresh. I mean, he just really rocks the whole purple facial hair thing, to a point where I sometimes forget that that's not how normal facial hair works. And I mean the whole getup works too, he really sticks to a style and makes it work.
Beside that, I gotta respect a fellow Super Cucumber fan. Truly a man of culture. And of course, I've got to commend him on allowing for some random farmer to purchase a clock that literally stops time. I'm not an expert on wizards, but I feel like a lot of them wouldn't be willing to do that.

Number 11: Kent

If you ask me, Kent is a very real character, and I appreciate that. Tackling some of the ways that PTSD can effect someone by having a character come back from war in the second year of the game is interesting, and all around a good way to introduce a character into the game. His third heart event really hits hard if you aren't expecting it, and his dialogue during the flower festival really puts some things in perspective that a lot of people don't always think about.
I do always find it strange that he can send you a random bomb that he just had lying in his toolshed. Like with dwarf they're selling bombs and that's just comical, but something about being sent a bomb randomly and without my permission feels weird. Overall I do really like Kent as a character thought, which is why he's this high on the list.

Number 10: Clint

We've reached the top ten, and it's Clint time.
Clint's a good guy, and that's why I really wish my man could catch a break. You can hook him Emily for a date by threatening him, sure, but as I mentioned in Top Six Flyest Honeys, going down Emily's path is always a bit hard for me because I have to see poor Clint sulking away from the clothing therapy despite the fact that he looks fresh. Simply ballin', if you will.
And lets be real, blacksmith is a super cool job, and I will not budge on that. I mean, working with metal and cracking open geodes sounds like a dope way to make money, even if there is only one person in the entire town who seemed to interact with me. I mean, I would date Clint, if he wasn't completely into Emily of course.

Number 9: Marnie

I mentioned Marnie in Lewis' entry, but to reiterate I really wish they could make their relationship public. And Marnie clearly really wishes they could make their relationship public from the six heart event, which makes me feel even more bad for her.
But to actually get to Marnie, she's just a really nice person who really cares for animals. And I mean, she sends you one of the objective best food items in the game, and I'm of course talking about the Pale Broth. I mean I always have a few full bowls of broth just sitting in my backpack. All around, Marnie doesn't really do anything wrong, but doesn't go above and beyond. She's just a good person who cares for animals, another objectively cool job.

Number 8: Caroline

Caroline is a surprisingly complex character.
Let's start with the most obvious part, the sleeping with a random wizard in the woods. I'm sure you're wondering how she's this high on this list, because you definitely care a lot about this very serious list of characters in a video game, and it's because all around she has some other things going for her. While she is unsupportive of Abigail's way of life when you first meet, she does turn around in the end as you befriend her. And while this is a bit of a bad point, getting with the wizard did give Abby that beautiful purple hair, and maybe I'm just simping for Abigail but it's my list, okay?
And I mean, she can say she's growing "tea" all she wants, but I'd put down money that there's pot somewhere in that room. And hey, maybe it's silly to rank her higher because of me assuming she smokes weed, but I honestly have all the proof I need. Several of her dialogues talk about finding things naturally in the forest, including mushrooms, she's talked about time going faster as she's grown older AND being a free spirit when she was younger, you cannot tell me for a second that she wasn't a stoner at some point in her past.
I like Caroline as a person. I like when she asks for a pumpkin to carve with her daughter because my girl Abby really likes pumpkins and that shows she's a caring mother. And I know that sounds like the final sentence in the third paragraph of a school essay, but it's just true.

Number 7: George

YOOOOOOO! MY MAIN MAN GEORGE?
Yeah I've joked about George in the past, but he is a pretty cool guy. I mean you kind of need to raise friendship with him to realize that, but that's part of the experience of Stardew Valley if you ask me. You can't come into this game and not expect to need to put some effort in. And hey, considering my man George enjoys a good leek, it really isn't particularly hard to get to know him.
I like how George realizes he needs to stop being homophobic when you marry Alex and raise his friendship, and I like how his dialogue progressively changes as you level up hearts with him in general. Underneath it all George likes to stay positive even through growing older and losing his legs. And whether or not it's meant to be a joke, I find the idea of him sending me a mailbox full of rocks incredibly funny. There's a reason I call him my main man George.

Number 6: Evelyn

She's my grandma. She's your grandma. I don't care whether or not you marry Alex, she just is.
There physically not a single flaw with this woman. She's just vibing every minute of every day, whether she's baking or gardening or being completely supportive of you marrying Alex no matter what gender you are. I want that when I'm older, nothing more, nothing less. I would love to send baked good to my neighbors for the pure reason of being nice.
That's really all I have to say. She's great.

Number 5: Robin

Okay, so Robin is magic. I mean she goes from like four wooden pillar to an entire up to code structure in a matter of one night while her only visible actions consist of smacking one wall with a hammer. That's magic. It's super helpful magic of course, and I am in full support of it, but still.
I like that she has a heart event that raises friendship no matter what you say. That's cool. I find it quite interesting that she seemingly searches for exotic wood in the mines, at least as implied by her dialogue after finding you unconscious, which frankly doesn't seem like the best place? Like you'll get hardwood in barrels sometimes, sure, but that isn't particularly exotic if you ask me. But hey, I'm not a master wood worker, so I'm probably talking out of line in some way.
Robin knows what she's doing. And hey, a mailbox full of rocks is funny, but a mailbox full of wood is just helpful. Like that's a full chest just because Robin had some extra wood lying around.

Number 4: Willy

Willy's an honest man who frankly just wants to keep the art o' fishing alive, and I respect that. And he's a fellow lover of a good catfish, one of the objective best fish in existence. I don't know what it is with the older generation in this town, but all of them really just vibe. Willy almost makes me forget what fishing is actually like in real life, which is good, because fishing in real life is just not as fun as it is in the game, believe it or not.
And I don't know what to tell you, he's simply fresh in that dirtied hat and well trimmed beard. There just isn't a single person in this town who isn't fine, but dang, Willy? He's bomb.
I also love that you get one of the Stardrops from him for catching every fish, super cool.

Number 3: Pierre

Pierre's is the only place you can buy seeds in town and I cordially refuse to budge on that fact.
I don't care how much more I have to pay, I will support Pierre over Joja Mart every day of the week. Except... well, except for Wednesdays before the Community Center upgrade, of course.
Pierre's a pretty cool guy. Six heart event is a little strange, but then I remind myself that his wife slept with a random wizard in the woods and I also was technically the one at fault for snooping around in his stuff, and I think it's kinda justified. And honestly, aside from my burning, searing hatred for Joja Mart, seeing Pierre punch Morris through the ceiling then posing with a dope pair of sunglasses makes completing the Community Center the obvious choice, hands down. And I'm not entirely sure if he engages in Caroline's "tea", considering Caroline has said that he's a more traditional man, but I feel like my man Pierre chuffs one back from time to time. He's a chill dude, what can I say.

Number 2: Krobus

Yo, buddy. If you were paying attention you might know who the number one spot is already, but between you and me, let's just pretend you don't until you get there. Thanks.

Yup, the shadow creature is number two on this list. This isn't a joke though, I have several reasons why.
Okay, listen, you can't tell me that I can have some shadow guy who lives in the sewer as my roommate and not expect me to put him high on the list. I mean, he literally builds a small sewer off the side of your house and just sits there while occasionally giving you a Poppyseed Muffin or Void Salmon or whatever, and if you can look me dead in the eyes and tell me that isn't the ideal roommate, then mr. / mrs. / mx., you have abilities not of this world. Like Krobus might. Maybe. I don't really know.
And I mean, c'mon. That is the ideal fourteen heart event. I just get to watch Krobus hang out with a random sea monster for little to no specified reason? What, and I mean this, what more could you want? And on top of all that he just has a Stardrop somehow that he can sell to you for 20,000 unspecified currency, which makes you wonder what he even uses the money for if he isn't allowed to interact with what seems like other humans or shadow creatures, but it's best to think less about that and more about the sea monster he hangs out with. Super cool.

Number 1: Linus

If you guessed Linus would be number one on this list before starting to read it, then you win nothing because I promised nothing for said feat and am not legally obligated to give out prizes.

You know how I talked about how I wanted to live Evelyn's life when I become older? Well that officially gets knocked down to number to on the list of ways I want my senior years to pan out, because Linus really knows how to live. I always prioritize boosting Linus' friendship out of sheer principle that I want him to know I have mad respect for his way of life, and also because he really knows how to make some killer bait. I mean, correct me if I'm wrong, but it literally duplicates fish. He could become rich by selling that stuff if he wanted to.
But that's the key to what makes Linus so great - his life is completely a choice. He doesn't need to live in a tent in the woods, but that's what he wants to do, and that's made abundantly clear by his eight heart event. He'd rather live life on his own terms and on nature's terms, and it really makes him a likable character in my opinion. And hey, say what you want, but I do thank the fish I catch for their sacrifice. Linus truly is a great friend in a character, and a super respectable guy.

Thanks for reading (potentially) all of this.

If you did read all of that I really appreciate it. While these are meant to be silly, I do still put work into them. And hey, if you did enjoy this and you haven't checked out Top Six Flyest Honeys or Top Six Finest Fellas, I'd recommend them. Because I made those too, just to be clear.

And listen, in case there is any doubt in your mind, there will be a Top Nine Non-Giftable NPCs in Stardew Valley coming out eventually, so don't worry about it too much. Worrying at acceptable levels is perfectly fine however, and is in fact encouraged.

[Nikki]

Linus is literally the only person in town I make friends with.

[HazerDazer]

I wish I could rob Demetrius from Robin. I married his daughter to get closer to him.

no luck

[Rockshot]

I'm right there with Midnight on this, I fully agree with these placements and points (including the potentially just simping for Abigail point on Caroline's entry)

[kstormgemini]

it still really bugs me that Clint isn't one of the available dudes, quite frankly.
he's got a good, steady job. works hard. has some sense. has a place of his own. and, other than the thing for Emily, he's actually one of the few guys here that Doesn't have something majorly wrong with him. (i mean, aside from Linus.)
i could say more but no. count's already too high. ^^;;
~

[PopShoveItQueen]

Hey, everyone! Just here to say that Top Nine Non-Giftable NPCs is out now if you have any interest in checking that one out, too.

[PopShoveItQueen]

thanks midnight, that means a lot

[Midnight]

i must say, i agreed so much with all of these, especially caroline's, linus', willy's and geroge's !!!!
quite exquisite article i must say