All endgame rankings - 2023*

A complete list of all Postal 2 and Paradise Lost rankings in the order you unlock it if you met the conditions.

Postal 2 - A Week in Paradise

• The first 3 blocks are cheater rankings.
  
  • Cheater rankings are always given before any other.
  
  
• The next 5 blocks are Difficulty rankings.
  
  • Difficulty rankings are only given before the normal ranks.
  
  
• It is not possible to trick the game...
  
  • Example: You have 8 kills in total, 4 are done by fire and 4 are rifle headshots, the game will then jump to a Kill Rank instead.
  
  
• Postal 2, Apocalypse Weekend and A Week in Paradise ending screens can differ from each other depending on which game mode you started but they all share the same end rankings.

Order	Rank	Condition
0	Sissy	Use cheat codes.
1	A Cheating Cheater Who Cheats	Using at least 20 Cheats.
2	Congratulations, Mr Cheater.	Beat one of the highest 6 difficulties by cheating.
3	Holy sh't! We didn't even think this was possible!	Beat the game on "Impossible" difficulty or above.
4	POSTAL God	Beat the game on "POSTAL" difficulty
5	Survivor of Bad Circumstance	Beat the game on "They Hate Me" difficulty
6	Chaos-Braving POSTAL Freak	Beat the game on "Insane-O" difficulty
7	Card-Carrying NRA Member	Beat the game on "Heston World" difficulty
	Bovine Prostate Inspector	Seems to be a bug since it only appears when playing AW and losing your sledgehammer in at least 5 Cow butt's It also will ignore all other non-difficulty rankings
8	Leatherface would be proud.	When more as half of your kills were done by chainsaw.
9	Limb-Hacking POSTAL Ghoul	When you hacked at least 100 limbs and have more hacked as kills in number.
10	Cop Killer	When 3/4 of your kills were cops.
11	PETA-Hating Animal Murderer	When you killed more animals as humans.
	Zombie-Slaying Holy Warrior	When you killed more zombies as humans.
12	Head-Batting Major Leaguer	When more as half of your kills had their heads blown up/off by Baseball bat.
	Head-Asploding Shotgun Ninja	When more as half of your kills had their heads blown up by shotgun.
	Teen Sniper	When more as half of your kills are done by "Hunting Rifle" headshots.
	Arsonist	When more as half of your kills are done with FIre.
13	Water Sports Enthusiast	When you urinate more in "gallons" as you made kills in numbers.
14	Congratulations, SATAN.	Having over 4000 kills.
15	Hitler would be proud.	Have at least 2001 kills.
16	Ex-Military Killing Machine	Have at least 1501 kills.
17	Society-Shunning Grade-A Psycho	Have at least 1001 kills.
18	Serial Killer on Steroids	Have at least 801 kills.
19	Prozac-Powered Gun Nut	Have at least 601 kills.
20	Office Drone Pushed Over the Edge	Have at least 301 kills.
21	Soccer Mom	Have at least 101 kills.
22	Wanna-be Gangsta	Have at least 51 kills.
23	Underachieving Thug	Have at least 6 kills.
24	Gun-shy Murderer	Have at least 1 kill.
25	Thank you for playing, JESUS.	Finish the game without killing anyhing.
26	Cat R*pist	If you used at least 81 cats as silencers. (~and did nothing else~)

• The Speed Runner rankings are an addition to the normal game ranks.
  
  • Only shown when activating the game timer in the game settings.
    
    • The single segment is an addition to the speed runner rank.

Order	Rank	Condition
	(Single-segment)	Beat the game in an speed run without loading a saved game.
0	(Have you considered running this game for SDA?)	Beat the game in under 00:30hrs
1	(Ultimate Speed Runner)	Beat the game in under 00:45hrs
2	(Super Speed Runner)	Beat the game in under 01:00hrs
3	(speed Runner)	Beat the game in under 01:50hrs

Postal 2 - Paradise Lost

• The first 6 blocks are difficulty rankings
  
  • Difficulty rankings are always given before any other.
    
    • The Apocalypse Conqueror ranking is an exception.

!!! PARADISE LOST DOES NOT FEATURE CHEATER RANKS !!!
WHEN USING CHEATS THE GAME REWARDS YOU WITH A NOMRAL RANK

• It is still not possible to trick the game...
  
  • Example: You have 8 kills in total, 4 are done by fire and 4 are rifle headshots, the game will then jump to a Kill Rank instead.

• Urinate and Baseball Bat Rankings are not given in Paradise Lost.

Order	Rank	Condition
0	Holy sh't! We didn't even think this was possible!	Beat the game on "Impossible" difficulty
1	Apocalypse Conqueror	Killed all the Leaders instead of escaping.
2	POSTAL God	Beat the game on "POSTAL" difficulty
3	Survivor of Bad Circumstance	Beat the game on "They Hate Me" difficulty
4	Chaos-Braving POSTAL Freak	Beat the game on "Insane-O" difficulty
5	Gun Nut	Beat the game on "Heston World" difficulty
6	Meat-Grinding Badass Psycho	When more as half of your kills were done by chainsaw.
7	Limb-Hacking POSTAL Ghoul	When you hacked at least 100 limbs and have more hacked as kills in number.
8	Junktown Jerky Vendor	When your money spend is 15 Times higher as your kills in number.
9	Women's Self-Defense Expert	When you kicked in more nuts as you have kills in numbers and have at least 50 nut kicks.
10	Billy the Kid	When 3/4 of your kills were Lawman.
11	Mutant-Hating Animal Murderer	When you killed more animals as humans.
	Wasteland Purifier	When you killed more zombies as humans.
	Head-Asploding Shotgun Ninja	When more as half of your kills had their heads blown up by shotgun.
	Arizona Killer	When more as half of your kills are done by "Hunting Rifle" headshots.
	Pyromaniac	When more as half of your kills are done with FIre.
	Butcher Butcherer	When more as half of your kills are C*ck-Asia Employees.
	Social Justice Warrior	When more as half of your kills are PU Game Dev's
	Destroyer of Daywalkers	When more as half of your kills are Gingers.
	Crusher of the Robolution	When more as half of your kills are Robots.
	Paladin of Steel	When more as half of your kills are Bandits.
	Survivalist Slaughterer	When more as half of your kills are Survivalists.
12	Ranger #21	When 0.4 (~shortly below the half~) of your kills are done with the Revolver.
13	Congratulations, Little Boy!	Having over 4000 kills.
14	Fat Man would be proud.	Have at least 2001 kills.
15	Oppenheimer Groupie	Have at least 1501 kills.
16	Mister Burke's Hire	Have at least 1001 kills.
17	Serial Killer on Buffout	Have at least 801 kills.
18	Mad as Max	Have at least 601 kills.
19	Trinity Man	Have at least 301 kills.
20	Tunnel Snake	Have at least 101 kills.
21	Wanna-be Bandit	Have at least 51 kills.
22	Vault Dweller Pushed Over The Edge	Have at least 6 kills.
23	Joe Fission	Have at least 1 kill.
24	Thank you for playing, GANDHI.	Finish the game without killing anyhing.
25	Wasteland Water Salesman	When you have Peed on all Snowman.
26	Cat R*pist	If you used at least 81 cats as silencers. (~and did nothing else~)

• The Speed Runner rankings are an addition to the normal game ranks.
  
  • Only shown when activating the game timer in the game settings.
    
    • The single segment is an addition to the speed runner rank.

Order	Rank	Condition
	(Single-segment)	Beat the game in an speed run without loading a saved game.
0	(Have you considered running this game for SDA?)	Beat the game in under 00:30hrs
1	(Ultimate Speed Runner)	Beat the game in under 00:45hrs
2	(Super Speed Runner)	Beat the game in under 01:00hrs
3	(speed Runner)	Beat the game in under 01:50hrs

[Depression]

"SDA" stands for "Speed Demos Archive" it is a website about video game speedruns.

[Mì gói khô]

what's SDA

[Depression]

nope, is's the same as you get for beating "Impossible"

[Headhumper]

Is there a new message you get after completing the game on ludicrous?

[r3l1csvk]

good to know,thanks.

[Depression]

tried it myself, but seems to be a bug?

i was OVER 2 hrs but got "Ultimate Speed Runner".

[r3l1csvk]

when it comes to Paradise lost,i actually had a Super Speed Runner "note" at the end of statistics with a time 1:29:38

[Lillo #UnmuteF2Ps]

on my first playthrough i got "hitler would be proud"

[TheRiceKrispies]

I think I got the Billy the kid one on my first play through which is intresting because I feel like I randomly killed more people then I did kill lawmen

[NinonInTheDark]

@Katharsis Hey I got that for the first time too!