How to cope with being trolled by me.

I trolled you period

So you got bamboozled my me... This isn't common at all. However it is completely normal for a player of your Touhou Power Level to be outclassed by someone such as myself (a skilled memer). But the question is, where do you yeet from here? This all depends on how you yeeted yourself here in the first place. In order to give you the cure to prostate cancer I need to diagnose you first (smiley). Lets see what areas you possibly lame a$$ in.
(Parody of https://steamcommunity.com/sharedfiles/filedetails/?id=1749950518 )

1. You are a tryhard

If you're tried tryharding me, I don't know what to tell you. Lei is a terrible character, and if you manage to sweat down your arsecheeks you need to uninstall Windows. If you want to mentally improve and continue playing the game calm and normal and not like how Aris played TTT2, I recommend you to watch this video.

(I miss wang)
If you don't want to become like evil Aris (,he even admitted he didn't like himself when playing TTT2,) the only advice I can give you is to go to your local synagogue and hand over ALL of your shekels.
And bla bla bla brain waves, whatever that Eliza main said when he was full of butthash. Don't tryhard, it's just a game, watch me do backflips so you can calm down.

2. You have 0 defense

In other words: you pressed too many buttons. I don't know why that other Eliza scrub meant that pressing buttons = being a bad player. Probably never fought a proper Steve, Geese or Heihachi player.
With 0 defense I mean you only press forward. I have a jab, a 12 frame low and a 13 frame mid. I will keep doing all 3 moves over and over again. They do like 8 to 13 damage each but I will take half of your life bar if you can't ...... press back for 1 second. Or duck. Or sidestep. Then its your turn because my moves have bad block frames.

"Why can't you do anything?" -KingJae at 7:47

3. You play Yoshi

While Yoshi has a lot of great meme moves, Lei has to input alll of his weird azz moves in succession to make it a real meme match. Lei can't vanish into thin air and jump back into reality like Yoshi or Master Raven with her surprisingly delicious shiny butt.
Thus by jumping around like a tard and yelling hiyaa all day long, I am DOMINATING you Yoshi players. Go play a real character and not one from Super Mario.


Yes I also like eyemusician, but LEI IS BETTER AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA

4. You spam launch punishable moves

Hey Xiaoyu players, did you know your backturned launching kick is launch punishable on block? I guess not, or else you wouldn't spam that sh!t all day long while watching chinese cartoons and slurping your Ramen. I can see that move coming from 2 miles away after playing like 2 Lings in Ranked, and since you Geniuousses keep spamming it EVEN AFTER GETTING LAUNCHED multiple times, I just have to lay on the ground after you do that stoner move and get back up in drunken stance just to show you how slow your move recovers and how often I could have mixed you up. You can do that crap on Kazuya mains but Lei mains? Hell no!


Put that ramen away and learn to use a fork. Become normal. And I don't care if 90% of the female Tekken players play Ling, you need to put that cannabis ramen away, too.

4. You spam lows

Stop being a scrub and I will stop spamming 4 million tornado kicks and falling trees which crush lows. How about some mid pokes? You know that Lei has rather good low parry combo damage? Don't you get sick by being low parried 5 times per round? You're like Ling players, so it's point 4 again.
You might think its a joke, but do you know how many Bryan or Mishima players got launched by me simply by doing u/f 3+4? Because they spammed sweeps? You can delayed hopkick that crap on block so please use them wisely, use your hellsweeps sparringly (unless you're BoA Luvb, he can hellsweep you 4 times in a row in the 1st round of the 1st game in a tournament).

Yeah. BoA beat Arslan Ash. He is cool in my book. He won't get trolled by me.

5. You play Whorarang, Lucky Chloe, Lili or Nina

Yeah sure, I will put up with your string. I think I would much rather Ha Ha step the hell out of your braindead strings one can only do after inhaling gasoline.
Flamingo cacer gets downjabbed, Chloe side stepped to right, Lili baited to throw her launch punishable matterhorn and Nina is a sloot. All of Ninas moves just yell "I AM A W'HOORE". Imagine someone in real life trying to slap you with open hands. Well Nina can do it. Well Nina mains like her grunting from Tekken 1 and 2 those perverbs.
I am going to Chinese Backdash your cancer more than Kenbou did when he fought Jackie Trans double Ogres.

Miss me with those gae strings, I am not going to lab alllll of your moves, against Lei all you need is a downjab and a hopkick, Nina mains can go to TMMs youtube channel and cry there.
Also STOP PUTTING CHLOE IN A SKIMPY SWIMSUIT YOU LOLI OBSESSED CRIMINALS!

In conclusion...

If you thought that the Eliza main guide was serious, you need to step up your game. Like dude, being this edgy? The whole guide was a joke in itself, do you really believe Eliza mains are that edgy? We alll know those gormless schmucks paid $6.99 just for her plot, nothing else. They are the first ones to go to DeviantArt and look for perverted Tekken 7 mods.


Tanned Eliza mod
Eliza different Horns mod
Eliza bigger boobs mod
Eliza cute feet mod

You get what you pay for :^)


The only person who could seriously make such an edgy and emo tier guide and be serious are OG Jin Mains
Do Jin mains have small jins? I think we all know the answer: MAYBEEEE

Besides that, this Guide is also meant as a joke and banter, I still love you all and like playing against all characters.

[Boonsai !]

only just started being interested in the tekken community/game and this was definitely a pretty funny entryway lool

[sifter15]

What is the sauce for the last picture? My friend asking.

[gosthachi bababooey]

eliza players are cringe af. 100% would bully

[GermanyKun]

Nice catch @Delita

[why why why]

Only way to win is not to play.

[Delita]

was that a mr torgue reference near the end?

[mini]

i stan these parodies

[ZeroLegion]

very uganda much lili
will come jin again maining eliza

[Moe Freeman]

This was spectacular. Thank you.

[Whatever]

I could give less shits about whether that Eliza main guide was a joke or not, it's inexcusable how edgy it was.