"Operation Wicker Man has been initiated.

DEBRIEFING:
Welcome to the 21st century. You are a vampire originating from the post-American Civil War era.

Your objective is to disguise as an award-winning actor and sabotage the production of the 2006 movie, The Wicker Man.

To aid you on your mission, we have clearance to provide you with a standard package of tools and a bear suit in order to help you complete your objective. Don this bear suit to acquire unprecendented punching abilities; it will prove useful in dire situations.

Your food rations will consist of a single loaf of freshly prepared wheat toast. There will be means of heating up your rations, but such means may result in the inflammation and burning of said toast. If, in the slim chance that this does indeed happen, question the immolation of the toast to the nearest sentient being.

Transportation will not be provided. You will have to acquire a method of transportation independently. Fortunately, local women around the area frequently make use of recreational, two wheeled, single-track means of transport; it is highly recommended to relieve them of such transports through use of intimidation with a firearm.

Be on alert for possible hostile creatures of the Elasmobranchii subclassification, often found in local bags.
Nearby locals may be militant. In case of aggression, immediately brandish your gun and yell loudly. The agency also advises you upon contact with any female of the ♥♥♥♥ sapiens species to swiftly punch the aforementioned target in the facial region in order to avoid detection. If your vampiric nature is to be discovered, immediately retreat into the night and scream at elderly women while running down the streets.

If the opportunity arises, you may choose to go after your bonus objective: stealing the Declaration of Independence. Acquisition of this Declaration of Independence will allow you to pursue the National Treasure, a container of great riches and rewards for those who seek to go after it.

Completion of this mission will unlock Operation Ghost Rider. Incentives for completing Operation Ghost Rider include the ability to sell your soul and the ability to stare at a target."