I am a small potato shaped man with luxurious facial hair, many fine hats, and a welcoming smile

Raised by boll weevils in the forest until age 9, | learned to speak at 12 then didn't shut up for 5 years. At 17. I was run over by a bus while bicycling which left me in a coma for 10 years. I was roused from my coma by the angelic voices of the Salvation Army Tabernacle Choir and felt compelled to leave all worldly goods behind. This lasted for the rest of the week until I found out about the substantial monetary settlement from the bus company. I purchased a boat and set sail for the horizon, certain that my luck would hold and eager to discover what fate held for me. I discovered that sailing experience is not a metaphor and crashed into the side of a barge leaving the harbor. After abandoning ship I swam to shore, was placed in protective custody, and spent the next 11 years arguing with an imaginary roommate about the importance of flossing Upon my court ordered release I started up a used cheese business, which quickly grew to immense size through shrewd acquisitions and explosive online growth. I became the largest provider of used cheese and cheese substitutes in the nation. This attracted attention from online interlopers, and it wasn't long before CHEESEbay was shut down, the victim of a costly trademark battle and judicial incompetence. Presently I reside in Hawaii, collecting recyclables and tending my candy wrapper garden.