"I have been struggling with depression for five years, starting even before I entered college. The story I’m about to share might make some people think my life is boring, but it’s been my reality.

For seven years, I was obsessed with CS. When the game was released free to play, I started spending at least 4-5 hours on it every single day. Naturally, I neglected my studies and ended up, which landed me at the bottom of my class leaderboards.

But the point is, I was deeply in love with a classmate. I had feelings for her for three years while I was also losing myself in video games. Unfortunately, she never responded to my feelings, it feels like she forgot I even existed. However, I finally managed to get over her in 2022. ( 2019 - 2022 )

Back to stage, in 2/2023, at a time when I was struggling mentally, I encountered someone who shared my same soul. I imagined us as a couple, but I've realized that keeping your feelings hidden is a stupid opportunity in life. Despite my youth, I’ve learned that you should always be brave enough to express your feelings. Even if the other person doesn't feel the same way, at least you won't have to wonder.

She was currently studying at the Diplomatic Academy of Vietnam. Interestingly, had taken a gap year just like I did. Although I didn't know many people, there not even my old friends in high school, somehow managed to maintain excellent rapport with the students at that school. I’m not joking for the most part, i got along incredibly well. Looking back, my unrequited love for her was largely sustained by her Instagram stories and our past conversations. I’d prefer to keep the specific details confidential, but it essentially came down to a promise we once made.

I eventually started taking an antidepressant called Escitalopram. Initially, I had been taking Panadol to cope with stress, but it proved to be ineffective. Consequently, I now suffer from memory loss and frequent forgetfulness, I even struggle to find the right words while speaking. Despite my deep feelings for her, I feel unable to express them. This is likely due to a cycle of past and present mistakes that keep piling up. I have loved her unrequitedly for three years, even throughout her other relationship. Now, I'm also going back to focus at my college once again. (15/1/2023 - 15/3/2026 )

I feeling lost, as if my life is an endless cycle of tragedies. There are moments when I feel suicidal, still try to hold onto hope for my future. I'm miserable and tormented by my emotions. Additionally, I suffer from recurring stomach aches about three times a year, though I'm unsure of its severity.

I truly hope that anyone reading this feels worthy of love, as we all deserve a bright future. Currently, I'm undergoing treatment for depression, ADHD, and OCD. It is a difficult journey, but I'm trying to move forward."

Farewell,
bodauphong.04