After years of gaming on consoles and listening to pre-pubescent boys describe to me how they slept with my mother on more one occasion, I decided to make the switch. Yes, I put down my controller declaring "no more!". No more will I deal with inferior graphics. No more will I deal with the laboring task of changing batteries. No more, I say, to a yearly subscription for services that are nothing more than an "ad"venture.

I heard tales of the PC world, that sounded too tall to be anything resembling reality. It sounded like a land of spells and Fairies; where Unicorns got their Starbucks for free and where Santa was actually a healthy, adult weight. I didn't believe it all to be true. But then I was shown the light. Much like a Deer in the headlights of an oncoming vehicle, I was stunned, frozen in my tracks, as a friend of mine allowed me to see his experience on the PC. My jaw fell, nearly cracking his keyboard into two equal halves. "How do I become a part of this other worldly experience?", I said softly. He replied, "You must build. Build your dream machine. Choose your technological weapons and fight with us." I took heed of his words.

Racing home as fast I as I could and as straight as the crow flies, I logged on to the internet and chose the guts that would become my weapon of PC war. With a click of the "checkout" button, my journey was half over. In no time at all, a man in a brown uniform knocked on my door. "I bring you tidings of PC joy, my liege.", he said. With a grin, I replied "Thank you, brown knight. Place the boxes on yonder floor." It was like a castle. A fortress of boxes containing the ultimate power in the universe. Swiftly I began cutting open each box, one by one, each time revealing another piece of the puzzle.

The building process began with a small drop of sweat on my brow and with surgical precision I pieced together my prize. Motherboard here. CPU there. Graphics card over here. Plug in this, screw down that. The process was easier than I had anticipated. All that was left was to give a slight push to the power button. So I did. And, lo, the beast awoke with a thunderous whirrrrr-ing of the fans! I was taken aback. "IT'S ALIVE!", I shouted. My dream machine was born.

I now live in a world where my mother can live safely, without the threat of boys lusting after her. Where women and men are ladies and gentlemen. Where everyone says "GG" as a sign of respect to one another after a hard fought battle. I have found my new home. And for that, I say: Thank you, PC community. Thank you.