This is my Steam. There are many like it, but this one is mine. It is my life. I must master it as I must master my life. Without me my Steam is useless. Without my Steam, I am useless. I must play on my Steam true. I must play harder than the people who are trying to outplay me. I must outplay him before he outplays me. I will. My Steam and I know that what counts in video games is not the games we play, the noise of our raging, or the how well we play. We know that it is how we play the games that count. We will play.
My Steam is human, even as I am human, because it is my life. Thus, I will learn it as a brother. I will learn its weaknesses, its strengths, its parts, its games, its codes and its users. I will keep my steam clean and ready, even as I am clean and ready. We will become part of each other.

Before God I swear this creed. My Steam and I are the defenders of my gaming honor. We are the masters of our enemy. We are the saviors of my life.

So be it, until victory is ours and there is no enemy..

Wasted 19 minutes of my time writing this. 8/10 would cringe again.