I want you to know, your parents revoked your immortality when they named you. Giving you a name makes it impossible for you to stay immortal. The proof in the pudding is that no one is still alive after 200 years, we all die of old age eventually. So if you're thinking of abandoning a baby in a trash can; Do it on an abandoned island where no one will name it, and it'll stay alive forever.
Don't leave it in the forest to be raised by wolves you lazy ♥♥♥♥, they'll name it some ♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥ like Woof Woof or Awooo and it'll die of dog cancer at age 35.

Leave it where no creature on God's green earth will give it a name, and it'll live long past the death of the Sun, become God emperor of Mankind and purge all the filthy Xenos.

The year is 2023. You pull your Honda Civic into the Shell-TD Bank off of North Main Street. You walk in and are greeted by an ad for the latest Mountain Dew flavor “salted mango”, on special, only thirty dollars for two bottles. “I might grab that up if I get approved for a tank of gas today to celebrate, it’s been about four months since I’ve had a soda and I’ve been craving one for weeks.” Hanging on the wall next to the loan officer’s desk is a newly framed painting of President Kamala Harris.

“Good morning, sir, the line forms over here” the security guard says to you as you shuffle over to the back of what you though was the line. Your brain just has not been the same since you gave up your morning coffee. Since the average price of a cup of joe is sitting at 55 dollars right now, you figured it is now considered a luxury and can be easily cut out of the budget.

A donut hole in a donut's hole. But we must look a little closer.
And when we do,
we see the donut hole
has a hole in its center.
It is not a donut hole,
but a smaller donut with its own hole,
and our donut is not whole at all.
WHY WAS I HARD?!

Hello, I am currently 3 years old and I want to become a walrus. I know there’s a million people out there just like me, but I promise you I’m different. On December 14th, I’m moving to Antartica; home of the greatest walruses. I’ve already cut off my arms, and now slide on my stomach everywhere I go as training. I may not be a walrus yet, but I promise you if you give me a chance and the support I need, I will become the greatest walrus

In japan we don't say 'I love you' we say 乇乂ㄒ尺卂 ㄒ卄丨匚匚 which doesn't mean anything it just spells out 'Extra Thicc' in japanese symbols.

What the darn-diddily-doodily did you just say about me, you little witcharooney? I’ll have you know I graduated top of my class at Springfield Bible College, and I’ve been involved in numerous secret mission trips in Capital City, and I have over 300 confirmed baptisms. I am trained in the Old Testament and I’m the top converter in the entire church mission group. You are nothing to me but just another heathen. I will cast your sins out with precision the likes of which has never been seen before in Heaven, mark my diddily-iddilly words. You think you can get away with saying that blasphemy to me over the Internet? Think again, friendarino. As we speak I am contacting my secret network of evangelists across Springfield and your IP is being traced by God right now so you better prepare for the storm, maggorino. The storm that wipes out the diddily little thing you call your life of sin.