Salutations! I'm 72 years old and I have won numerous Chess tournaments; The two largest of which I have been victorious are the National 1977 i77 Chess Championships and the 1981 World Chess Master Extreme Challenge. The total prize money from all of the tournaments I have participated in equals to ~$9.5 million dollars. Because of this cool $9.5 million, I never have to work another day in my life. I am also currently training to compete in the World Class Elite 20XX LAN tournament. I have also been scouted and recruited to the Faze North American Chess team.

In the 2007 National Open Chess Tournament, tragedy struck. During the award ceremony I slipped on a rogue Queen chess piece that was carelessly misplaced on the floor. I fractured my hip and wrist bones in multiple places while going on stage to obtain my trophy. After the injury I was retrofitted with a high-tech carbon fiber nanite replacement hip (it even has 5GHz WiFi) that allows me to have double the stamina in my hip flexors. My wrist replacment is made from artificial rhino bone and nippon steel, shaped by the best Japanese orthopedic surgeon money can buy. This wrist replacment allows me to play online chess at low sensitivity giving me the perfect balance of accuracy, precision, and muscle memory.

After the rehabilitation for my injuries, I purchased a $7.2K gaming rig to compete in online Chess tournaments, so I can get the best response times. My computer specifications include: an Alienware rubberrized anti-sweat G4M3R™ RGB LED strobe 25000 DPI gaming mouse with 18 side buttons, anime breast wrist rest super slick GLIDE MASTER™ mousepad, 10-Keyless rubber dome mechanical typewriter style waterproof RGB Cherry MX Blue switch combo chicklet SUPER REACTION™ gaming keyboard, a MADCATz Xbox 360 HyperTurbo™ controller with rear buttons fitted with GaMuRSTiiKz analog stick attachments (If you use a controller in an FPS/TPS game you are a low skill imbecile), a single core AMD API processor overclocked to 1.3GHz cooled by a retrofitted 360mm radiator pulled out of a 1945 Volkswagen Beetle, 6GB of Kingston MemXD 266Mhz DDR2 RAM with RGB LED RAM cooler, eight 4GB hyper solid state drives with DRAM in RAID 0, four AMD HD1337 anti-combustion double super lube high speed ball bearing NOS injected turbo dual akimbo chip graphics cards in Crossfire, a 2400 wattage fully modular Alienware 80+ Uranium certified PSU with rare mined meteorite coated cables, BANGA MATE™ high definition super-bass anti-electromagnetic interference sound card, and a triple HP CRT anti-screenglare 360Hz 800x1600 Eyefinity monitor setup. This gaming rig allows me to get the best response times and the highest scores on the leaderboard of any Chess, racing, or first person shooter video game.

I hope to see you in-game! I usually go by the gaming handle CheckMateGramps1949. I am single and currently looking for a younger woman to share my wealth with. If you see me in-game, don't be shy and say hi!

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Memorable quotes

lawngnome: im eating pork rinds
dino: kid im canadian so i eat moose rinds


1:47 AM - stachu: i want smegma rn


1:47 AM - kawaiimochi: holy groly? i dk , i think its something a porn
1:47 AM - kawaiimochi: porn video name
1:47 AM - kawaiimochi:
1:47 AM - lawngnome: LOL
1:47 AM - lawngnome: glory hole


1:25 PM - Marshyellow: i feel like ned stark is gonna die , cuz i dont see ppl comment about him
1:26 PM - lawngnome: hes my fav character in season 8
1:26 PM - Marshyellow: woah spoiler
...
2:06 PM - Marshyellow: ned stark died , u said he wont diiiiieeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee
2:06 PM - Marshyellow:



Zack: 1v1 dayz meet me at
Zack: elactictro


1:46 AM - Toast: can I rent you out to play csgo with me
1:46 AM - Toast: a csgo escort


12:16 AM - FPSTristen: So give me the email and password
12:17 AM - lawngnome: no@gmail.com
12:17 AM - FPSTristen: ♥♥♥♥ you


4:39 PM - FPSTristen: wish i had a mouintin due


8:07 PM - FPSTristen: im better then you at gmod
8:07 PM - FPSTristen: hahaha


5:43 PM - stachu: i think im gonna speedrun a game
5:43 PM - lawngnome: speed run apb with me
5:44 PM - stachu: speed run adding g1c to my apb wallet


harveest: i was black out drunk
harveest: i dont even remember my tasty hamburger


"I felt weird so I ate some greenbeans that I had in my pocket... I had them wrapped up so I didn't get lint on them." -harvest


6:33 AM - never win always lose: if i saw u in real life i would ♥♥♥♥♥♥♥ drop u little ♥♥♥♥ stain broccoli hair fggot ♥♥♥♥


8:24 AM - d u n j o: i have 41 fps u think ur hot ♥♥♥♥ doing little gay moves
8:24 AM - d u n j o: ur not
8:24 AM - d u n j o: ur not hot ♥♥♥♥


dino: i would eat her doo doo
dino: not just cuz im asian
dino: and love scat porn


dino: i bet her poop tastes like pink lemonade


9:21 AM - big brane gamer: i member wanting to impregnate lola bunny from space jam


12:29 AM - lawngnome: ur playing as a l♥li cat girl huh u f♥♥♥♥t
12:29 AM - ㅇㅅㅇ: no wtf
12:29 AM - lawngnome: yes u r
12:30 AM - ㅇㅅㅇ: do i look like a gay roleplay trap ♥♥♥♥♥♥ f♥g to u
12:31 AM - lawngnome: ok what character do u have friend
12:31 AM - ㅇㅅㅇ: ok im a ♥♥♥♥♥♥♥ cat girl r u happy f♥♥♥♥t
12:31 AM - lawngnome: LOL
12:32 AM - ㅇㅅㅇ: LOL


10:53 AM - lawngnome: what language is this ขอบคุณที่สนับสนุนนะครับ
10:53 AM - lawngnome: how can anyone read that
10:53 AM - never win always lose: only lady boy can read it


dino: KID ALL MY QUOTES ARE ABOUT POOP
dino: ♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥


9:24 PM - lawngnome: are you a w♥♥♥♥r
9:25 PM - lawngnome: do you wear fubu
9:26 PM - тяυмρєя': you messed up messaging me on steam little buddy. lol I now have your home address, and every little thing i need to know about you. I suggest you back the ♥♥♥♥ down or you are about to deal with some ♥♥♥♥ you dont want too hahaha. Will be asking your mommy to buy you a new pc :) Keep on.... if you wish hahaahhahaha good luck ;)
9:27 PM - lawngnome: do you get your fubu from goodwill
9:28 PM - тяυмρєя': Im a grown man.im 26 years old and im a pipe welder. I dont shop at goodwill and i make more money an hour than your daddy and mom combined probably smh. Get a life kid. Im about to shut your ♥♥♥♥♥♥♥ rig down.....seriously. take it as a joke all you want but you will be the one regretting the ♥♥♥♥, not me