Felix   Brazil
Currently Offline
To my friends
It didn't work. Things are even more bleak now.

Where I went I couldn't have the option to keep my cats. So they stood with my ex.

One of them died from illness, the other got separation anxiety and tried to find me, and never came back.

I'm still undergoing severe grief because of losing my dad months ago, the only parent that ever understood me, then I lost my wife, and also my cats.

I've also been abused physically by the people that offered me help. Reason? I didn't give them the "improvement results" they were expecting of me and they wanted to take my phone and computer to forcefully to remove all contents because "it's what was keeping me down".

Reminder, I'm 34 years old.

I was punched in the face, got a black eye and started bleeding from the eyebrow.
Everyone treated as it was something i should "endure" only because it was caused by the "leader" of the family that was giving me help.

I've developed stuttering from the trauma.
I can't even speak normally anymore.
This means I can't also find a job now.

I used to be religious. Never bothered anyone with it, but always adored God in my own. Now I don't even believe in God anymore. The people who offered to help me are supposedly religious too. (Albeit non-catholic) So if God helps them, he is not looking out for me.

This is why I didn't go online again. My life is not back to normal. It won't ever be. My life died the moment I gave up years ago even before my marriage.

I was so happy to live in the town I lived with my ex-wife that at this point I miss the place even more than I miss her. I love her and if she wants to go, the correct decision is to let her go. I love her so I want to see her happy.

But I just wish, that in this huge world, there was a small little place I could live by myself comfortably.
Guess that's not possible anymore.

I can't muster the courage to off myself yet. It's harder than you think. It's easy in theory but it's hard in practice. To off yourself you also need to have the courage to do it to someone else, and I dont. So it's hard to do it to myself.

I wish there was at least a deity i could go for solace at this moment. I'm too used to have "an invisible powerful father" to guide me.

What I can tell you all from this is:
Please, don't judge people so quickly. You may have no idea what they've actually been through and what caused them to bend their own values and principles.

This isn't a call for help, but more of a testimony to help other people out there learn from my mistakes.
Please, actually LOVE your own family members. Even if they are not what you wanted, try to always see what they actually are GOOD on. Try to connect with them using that.
If you can't, then please, just help them get back in their feet when they need and just leave them live their life.
I know this doesn't work for every case, but I'm sure if you actually reach for the good in your heart - YES you DO have a good part of your heart. Everybody does - you can find in yourself the strength to actually do good to your family members. Because if you don't, they might not have another option.

Whatever you do, please dont WORSEN their mental issues.
eat my soup Jan 1 @ 10:30am 
Another trip around the sun; Happy New Year 2024.
Стреляю в сепаров Dec 2, 2023 @ 11:35am 
You will make it.
REVOLVERDREW Nov 21, 2023 @ 5:42pm 
I'm sure you'll work it all out, man, you have the resolve and strength. Best wishes!
Grim Nov 11, 2023 @ 9:43am 
Hey man, hope you doing alright, just saw what u posted here. Im here for ya if you need something, ill hang on to you. we friends bro. Heads up!
battery acid drinker. Nov 7, 2023 @ 3:45pm 
best of luck to ya :steamthumbsup:
Brunera Oct 19, 2023 @ 4:11pm 
BY SIGMAR! Me carregou em Vermintide e mandou vários Tips & Tricks, só tenho a agradecer :stimulation: