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United States
That shrieking gremlin in a housecoat has crossed the line. She stole my iguana, Captain Zardo, right out of his terrarium in the dead of night. One minute he was sunning peacefully, the next — gone. And guess who was outside the next morning, humming Jurassic Park and wearing a live, struggling "brooch"? Yeah. Her.
Groundscum, you cryptic swamp witch — return my reptile before things get biblical. I know about the cameras. I know about the “altar” in your closet. I will unleash HOA hellfire like you’ve never seen. I will make sure the next time your Wi-Fi cuts out, it’s forever.
Everyone else: lock your doors. Bolt your windows. And if you see an iguana blinking for help in Morse code, CALL ME.
— Unit 2A, and I’m DONE being silent.
) ) ⦅‖ ͇͇ ͇͇▃▇͇͇͌̿̿⌂͇͇▌..* ★ ☆ . ★ ^v^ ° ❅ ☆ . ★ ^v^ °
__̅̏̏̏̏̋̋̏̏▅̅̏̏̏̋̏_ ╱◥███████╲ ˆ...^v^ ˆˆ︵.︵...^v^︵¸ ❅ ° ╱◥◣ ☆ . * ★ *
╱◥◣ ◥████◣▓∩▓∩║ MERRY CHRISTMAS & │∩ │◥███◣ ╱◥███◣
│╱◥█◣║∩∩∩ ║╲◥███╲ HAPPY NEW YEAR ╱◥◣ ◥████◣▓∩▓│∩
││∩│ ▓ ║∏ 田║▓ 田田 ▓ ∩║ ii--ii-- 2018 ii--ii--ii--ii │╱◥█◣║∩∩∩ ║◥█▓ ▓█
☸๑۩๑๑۩๑๑۩๑๑۩๑๑۩๑๑۩๑๑۩„„„„„„„„☸„„„„„„„☸„„„„„„„☸๑۩๑๑۩๑๑۩๑๑۩๑๑۩๑๑۩๑๑۩