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*Four ruffians break into my house.
*"What the devil?" as I grab my powdered wig and Kentucky rifle.
*Blow a golf ball sized hole through the first man, he's dead on the spot.
*Draw my pistol on the second man, misses him entirely because it's smoothbore and nails the neighbor's dog.
*I have to resort to the cannon mounted at the top of the stairs loaded with grape shot.
*"Tally ho lads" the grape shot shreds two men in the blast, the sound and extra shrapnel set off car alarms.
*Fix bayonet and charge the last terrified rapscallion.
*Bleeds out waiting on the police to arrive since triangular bayonet wounds are impossible to stitch up.