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7 of 10 (70%) achievements earned:

Personal Achievements
 
Unlocked May 26, 2014 @ 9:54am

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Unlocked May 26, 2014 @ 9:11am

Click on door 430 five times.

Click on door 430 five times.
Unlocked May 26, 2014 @ 9:46am

Achievement

This is an achievement.
Unlocked May 26, 2014 @ 9:52am

Welcome back!

Quit the game and then start it again.
Unlocked May 26, 2014 @ 9:46am

You can't jump

No seriously, we disabled it.
Unlocked Aug 28, 2019 @ 1:05am

Go outside

Don't play The Stanley Parable for five years.
Unlocked May 26, 2014 @ 9:39am

Beat the game

Complete The Stanley Parable.



Commitment

Play The Stanley Parable for the entire duration of a Tuesday.

Speed run

Complete The Stanley Parable in under 4 minutes 22 seconds (not including load times)

Unachievable

It is impossible to get this achievement.