Have you ever wondered what it feels like to be a master of your craft? In all my years I've seen so many of these wonderful brilliant people that only desire one, and that is love. Be you a coal miner or a PhD in algebraic topology (like my beloved husband, he's been studying his passion - the hairy ball theorem - for the past 10 years) we all aspire for this little thing. This poetic notion of one's happiness is the reason to be alive, the reason to cut your nails, the reason to boil salami sausages and it is all that you think and even much further beyond.

During my college years I once was at my friend's condo, we were standing on his balcony and suddenly a bird flew into us. We got stunned, but not for long, in a jiffy this old man jumped down from the upper floor and hit that, excuse my french, ♥♥♥♥♥ in its head. The bird died in one precise hit. I and my friend were so relieved that we immediately told the man: "Thank you old sir, how can we be of service to you? Ask for anything, you saved our lives and now we ought to pay you back no matter the cost!". Whilst at the time we though that what we said was quite valiant, now, when I look back at the situation, I feel like we scared the man. For some reason he got quaintly confused, he made such a face, you'd have to see it... As it turned out that man was homeless, he was robbing my neighbor, but nonetheless we had to keep our word, and the only thing man asked for was to not tell our neighbor and policemen about what happened. Old guy stumbled away a little scared of us not keeping our promise, but we assured him that nothing is leaving our mouths even under threat of death.

The reason I told you this story, the story that happened almost 27 years ago, is simple. Never leave your doors open, never give your sneakers to the people you have just met and never tell your auntie that you sucked on deez nuts because you don't want to see the wrath of those that come from the beyond. Otherworldly creatures will eat us alive, run away, run while you can. I'm too old now, I can't, so flee you young whoever you are, this time be scared, because now is the only, sadly, the only time we can't escape. The old gods have awakened, leave, scram, do whatever you can to save your lost soul. Now is the time and shall you do what you ought to, one day you too can become a prominent politician with just as much sway as his excellency Mao Zedong!