418 people found this review helpful
839 people found this review funny
Recommended
0.0 hrs last two weeks / 1,361.6 hrs on record (952.8 hrs at review time)
Posted: Feb 13, 2017 @ 4:54am
Updated: Feb 20, 2021 @ 11:25am

CS:GO Review
You want to buy this game ?
I'm gonna show you somes tips for playing:
- Before the match starts, don't press accept. It's a test.
- The P in P90 stands for Pro. Like you.
- When told to pick up the AWP, stare at it and go AFK.
- Don't buy kits, this is actually team death match, the bomb wont ever get planted.
- You are amazing with the desert eagle, don't let anyone ever tell you different, not even the scoreboard.
- Very important: That thing attached to some guns is called a silencer, and you have to take it off because it reduces damage a lot and will get you more kills.
- VAC is a good anti cheat.
- Skins make you better at the game.
- When a teammate asks for a drop, drop them your handgun.
- Never adapt to the game. Don't betray yourself like that. Just do the same thing over and over again and wait until it works.
- Dust 2 is the only map in the game. There aren't any others. Don't argue.
- If you lose the first round. You MUST ALWAYS Eco/Save. Which means buy armour and an -SMG/Shotgun of your choosing.
- When going through doors, always make sure that you block the doors so no one can pass. - -- Ignore the hate of your teammates, you're pro and you're gonna get mad kills. You're also shielding them from bullets. How nice of you!
- Crouching doesn't improve accuracy, but do you know what does? Jumping! Be a ♥♥♥♥ing kangaroo and watch the mad kills pour in. ♥♥♥♥ EVERYONE LOVES KANGAROOS.
50 points to Gryffindor every time you change weapons.
- State that all SMG's take skill to use from no less than 4 inches away. Your gun is cheaper so it is worse. Rub it in with a teabag afterwards. Especially if you have a P90.
- Always tell the opposing team to good luck and have fun when warm-up ends. At half time, treat them like they murdered your family. (Be sure to take note of their nationality!)
- If you see a chicken in your gameplay, you absolutely must under any circumstance, kill that damn chicken. It must die. THIS IS NON NEGOTIABLE.
- Recoil control is a myth. Like Bigfoot.
- If you need to get around the map in a hurry, get out your Negev.
- The PP-Bizon is the discount Negev.
- Don't waste money on a helmet. $350 is too expensive. You wont die. Ever.
- You need to Look at the ground where you are going make sure you don't trip!
What the ♥♥♥♥ is strategy??
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44 Comments
Eage Jun 30, 2017 @ 3:03pm 
ahahahahaa +rep Good friend
alexander.i Mar 15, 2017 @ 11:31am 
This review tought me _everything_ about this game. Thank you, kind sir!
I like breathing Mar 14, 2017 @ 5:11pm 
You forgot to mention that if you are close to someone DO NOT KNIFE HIM, you HAVE TO jump+backward while shotting cause Backflips increase your accuracy.
TheZlatt Mar 13, 2017 @ 8:41am 
Lmfao
BK Mar 12, 2017 @ 10:40am 
If u planted the bomb ofc
BK Mar 12, 2017 @ 10:40am 
''- If you lose the first round. You MUST ALWAYS Eco/Save. Which means buy armour and an -SMG/Shotgun of your choosing. ''

If u are CT you have to force in second round lol or if u are T u can force as well because the others will be playing with smg's like u lawl
Leo Knightingale Mar 11, 2017 @ 10:16pm 
I give this review.... a 10/10. Enough said.
TehDoctorz 💀👌 Mar 11, 2017 @ 2:45pm 
I personally do all of these, i used to do the opposite. Dang i was stupid! I sure as hell am glad i followed this guide
hyto Mar 10, 2017 @ 6:01am 
xD,worth the time reading it
ehe Feb 22, 2017 @ 9:22pm 
the most accurate review i've ever read, also full of sarcasm. good job m8