>be in the third grade at a school assembly
>have to ♥♥♥♥ real bad, feeling ill and feverish
>we all get seated on the gym floor
>holy ♥♥♥♥ Hugo the Hornet is here! (Charlotte Hornets' NBA team mascot back when they were the Charlotte Hornets)
>still have to ♥♥♥♥ so bad that I'm having cold sweats
>wearing gym shorts, no underwear (I had a phase in elementary school where I just didn't wear any, felt good man)
>Hugo the Hornet starts picking up kids and flipping them over in his hands and setting them back down
>starting to feel dizzy from holding my ♥♥♥♥
>see him walking my way
>he's coming RIGHT FOR ME
>he picks me up and begins to flip me over
>he's squeezing my gut

>as I'm upside down, diarrhea begins to fly out of my ass and out the leg of my shorts, arcing through air gracefully
>start screaming
>gets all over Hugo and sprays all over other kids sitting in front of me, hear it plop on the gym floor as well
>Hugo then drops me on my ♥♥♥♥♥♥♥ head, into a pile of my own ♥♥♥♥, hear him loudly say "WHAT THE ♥♥♥♥"
>Hugo takes off his head and reveals himself as a black man. He pukes on the floor.
>the music has stopped, the room is dead silent
>assume the fetal position
>covered in my own ♥♥♥♥ and can't stop farting/♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥ as I lay there
>start crying
>pass out
>wake up with someone carrying me out of the gym, holding me at distance
>the tiny breathable holes in my gym shorts work like a ♥♥♥♥ colander, leaking ♥♥♥♥ water everywhere, leaving the hard bits in my shorts
>pass out again

From then on I was "The kid who ♥♥♥♥ on Hugo the Hornet".