347 people found this review helpful
513 people found this review funny
Not Recommended
0.0 hrs last two weeks / 0.5 hrs on record
Posted: Feb 27, 2016 @ 7:32pm

In 1979 I was serving as a park ranger in the northwestern quadrant of Yellowstone Park. My partner Steve was sick with typhoid fever, and I was serving my shifts alone. I got a call in the morning that some campers (who were camping ILLEGALLY) had spotted a grizzly bear within 100 feet of their campground. As a devoted ranger, it was my RESPONSIBILITY to protect these people. When I responded to the call, I came upon a campground painted with the blood and guts of these park visitors. I almost VOMITED in pure disgust. Little did I know, the grizzly bear that had committed this atrocious act of violence was still lurking amidst the trees only meters away from where I stood. He must have smelled the peanut butter sandwich I held in my pants pocket. He charged at me, tackling me to the ground with a level of force unrivaled by any earthly creature. Luckily, I had a .44 in my ankle holster, which I used to shoot the bear in the neck, as he snacked on my delicious sandwich (later I learned this bear was allergic to peanut butter anyway). Did I flinch or hesitate to destroy this animal? No, because I had to do it to save my own skin. If I had a scud missile I would've used it. Maybe it was perverse of me to open this game, expecting to play this kind-of encounter out from the other side, but regardless, I didn't get to experience any scenario close to the TERROR of my own. Although later I learned that bear was a golden retriever. I lost my job that day, but I could've lost my life. Instead, all I got were childish memes, clearly picked from the mind of a CHILD, not seasoned by the horrors and sights of what MEN like myself have seen within national parks. You grass men seem to think creatures like these are JOKES. They aren't. A bear killed my brother in '92.

The American Grizzly Bear is one of the most formidable animals in any given forest. Its power is unmatched. One strike from its muscular limbs could leave a man dead.

If you're giving a game in which I step into the body of a BEAR, THEN I'D EXPECT TO FEEL STRONG. I'd EXPECT to overpower any fellow animal, much like that giant golden retriever overpowered me. Nature is NOT a joke. People lose their lives. It's not a little virtual playground for grassmen to make jokes about frogs. Liliputian homunculi.

So next time you think about make a game with bears, please depict them with some ♥♥♥♥♥♥♥ accuracy. LIfe isn't a meme. Men lose their lives. Golden retrievers (unfortunately) get shot in the throat.

I give this game a 7/10 (I have to admit the frogs were quite humorous).

- Ranger Charles
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43 Comments
Doktor Nowak Jan 13, 2019 @ 9:45am 
Tragic story. Brave man!! :stoss: :stoss: :stoss:
DnD Detective May 20, 2016 @ 7:18pm 
I think this is the most intense review I've ever read on Steam. You make many good points. Cheers. :dwarven:
That Fuckin' Bird That I Hate Mar 1, 2016 @ 5:16am 
damn charlie, that's deep
Stray Cat Mar 1, 2016 @ 3:25am 
Dude what:rufussmile:
spinu Mar 1, 2016 @ 3:02am 
I cried a little. :(
sica29 Mar 1, 2016 @ 2:59am 
hey u gay?
eltdrgntmr Feb 29, 2016 @ 5:24pm 
ahahaha... i dont get it.
☞☞☞☞☞ Feb 29, 2016 @ 1:37pm 
u fkn grassmen cant tell if this storyu is real or not?? ofc this is fucking real u dipshit dwarf people. go grow couple feet so we can talk fase2fase instead of u sucking my dick haha. fuckin short punk ass bitches
Limmin Feb 29, 2016 @ 12:00pm 
So when you're a man...you can't tell the difference between a golden retriever and a grizzly bear?
Pizza Tony Feb 29, 2016 @ 6:39am 
Golden Retriever = DOG