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• 5-Time World Champion at Rock Paper Scissors according to Wikipedia.
• Supreme Ruler of the Grasshoppers in Normandy, France.
• Banned from Greenland, China, Kazakhstan, Belgium, and the Republic of the Congo for trying to sword fight the locals with an inflatable of Tom Cruise.
• Was the tank driver in the Tiananmen Square incident that never happened.
• Survived 3 weeks in Antarctica after a helicopter crash by integrating into a penguin colony. Learned their way of lif eand graduated top of the class in tap dancing.
• Founder and CEO of the International Coalition for Stopping Unregistered Midget Migration into Venezuela.
• Denied entry into North Korea in 2014 because of a photograph of Obama.
• High-fived Chuck Norris. Was in the hospital for two years. Medical professionals described the event as "avoidable."
• Coined the phrase "I know what I have."
• Once got into a staring contest with a goldfish and lost.
• Was voted "Most Likely to Accidentally Start a Cult" in high school.
• Came back with the milk like I promised. It's great to see you again, son.

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• Currently accepting skin donations. Tax write-offs not included.

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