I've been watching his movements from the safety of a packet of sausages in the fridge. He's still unaware of my presence.

His hair has grown back so he no longer resembles a cue ball on the end of a breadstick.

Practices hunt in offline mode, aim still hasn't improved. He continues to try his hardest, thinks rubbing vegan mayonnaise on his mouse and keyboard will help with friction.

I've heard rumblings about the sausages in the fridge, will have to change by disguise shortly.

Practices his flick aim in the middle of starbucks, on one occasion he flicked so far he knocked an old biddy into a Cappuccino, she's been known as "Cappuccino Betty" ever since...Mike was arrested and put on trial for assault and battery with 100 dpi mouse. Cappuccino Betty was present at his trial, still moist from where the frothy spray had covered her purple rinse she left a puddle in the court room, there was no wet floor sign and the prosecuting lawyer slipped and broke his neck. The evidence against Mike was insurmountable, even without a prosecution present the jury still found him guilty. Mike spends the rest of his days playing against bots offline due to lack of internet connectivity in prison.

Instigator of the Falador massacre of 2006, Mike has been living with immense regret. Former member of a now well known folk rock duo, Mike refused to walk 500 miles and was kicked out of the band, started a semi-successful solo career only to be blighted by gout and be unable to attend his own live performances. Mike is currently living out his days on a farm in Somerset, watching the sun go down with his trusty side-kick herring boy.

Incarcerated inside his desire to one day be the ultimate Pokemon master, he wanders the streets at night till the palms of his hands are raw. One night he meets a stranger who promises him untold fortune, unknowingly the stranger was a rampaging criminal known as "the randy bum stretcher". He now needs to wear incontinence pads.

Constantly bombarded by the ghosts of his future, he tries desperately to hide the pain by having a solid KD, actual Ross Kemp.

Now those legends, must be defended! Prepare for the ultimate online action tower defense role playing game!