i am the car of the times

U the cat ( ˃` ⩌ ´˂ )

CAR

ㅤ ∧＿∧
　(　･∀･)
　(　つ┳⊃
ε (_)へ⌒ヽﾌ
(　　(　･ω･)
◎―◎ ⊃ ⊃

you get it my boi ;)

monster ♥♥♥♥♥♥?

why you ask? you should know ;)

red why do you like deathclaws?

Dear Tomato,

u gay

Sincerely
me the bestie

why?

why not

why?

Goons

wdymmmm

mean :(

Hell nah

amazing Venni, now give a book ab it

THY END IS NOW!

There i did fanfic is done

Title: "Maid for This"

It was a calm afternoon in the quiet village of Evermist. Birds chirped lazily outside, the sun cast golden rays through the windows—and inside the town hall, chaos brewed.

Red, ever the stoic, stood with arms crossed, glaring at the outfit laid out on the table: a frilly black-and-white maid uniform, complete with lace-trimmed apron and matching headband.

“I’m not wearing that,” he said flatly.

Puw, meanwhile, was already halfway dressed, struggling with the bow at the back of his skirt. “Come on, Red! It’s for charity!” he chirped. “The mayor said we’d raise double if the town’s two ‘most mysterious guys’ wore maid outfits for a day. We’re public figures, remember?”

Red didn’t budge.

Puw pulled the guilt card. “Do it for the orphan bakery. Or the bakery orphanage. Whatever it is, they need the money.”

Grumbling under his breath, Red finally snatched the uniform off the table.

Thirty Minutes Later

The townsfolk gathered around the plaza as two very reluctant maids emerged. Red, face blank but clearly simmering with inner rage, adjusted his too-snug skirt with all the enthusiasm of someone doing dental surgery on themselves. Puw, on the other hand, struck a pose, tray of cookies balanced expertly on one hand.

“Welcome to Café Evermist!” Puw beamed. “Where the maids are brooding, and the tea is hot!”

A line formed instantly.

As the day went on, Red somehow became the most popular maid. His silence, mistaken for mysterious allure, drew in swooning admirers. Puw, meanwhile, orchestrated the chaos like a stage director, barking orders, adjusting wigs, and making sure Red didn’t escape out the back.

By sunset, they’d raised triple their goal.

As they sat behind the café with their feet in buckets of ice water, Red finally muttered, “I hate you.”

Puw grinned, sipping the last of their tip jar smoothie. “You’re welcome.”

buhehehehehe

s m h

I blast you with "Make it yourself!".

so uhh red when fanfic

A.

funni

Don't regret it 👁️👄👁️

sure xd

Both?

sure

maid outfit or bunny

Uhh.. *gulps*

where fanfiction Venni?

he wanted this

["Meet the Pyro*" text appears, then is burned away to reveal the feet of the Pyro,* Fire Axe in hand, walking over a pair of glasses towards the camera and knocking a few empty bullet cartridges aside. Dreams of Cruelty begins playing.]

[Cut to a small room. The RED Heavy is seen almost completely in silhouette.]

Heavy: "I fear no man. But that... thing... it scares me."

[Cut to a view behind the Pyro's right shoulder. A BLU Engineer shuts a door before a BLU Scout can join him inside. The Scout pulls desperately on the handle, looking over to the Pyro, who looks at him menacingly. Cut again to the interview room. This time it is the RED Scout in silhouette.]

Scout: "No, I... I ain't, I ain't talking about that freak. All right?"

[Worried, he tries to detach the lavalier microphone from his shirt. He sits upright in his chair, in near panic.]

Scout: "He's not here, is she?"

[Scout continues to tug as he stands and walks toward the camera, knocking it over.]

Scout: "How do I get this f***ing thing off?!"

[Cut to BLU Demoman inside a room looking around worried. Pyro, with their Flame Thrower ready, kicks down the door into the BLU team's room and the Demoman darts away to hide. Fade back to the interview room, this time with the RED Spy*.*]

Spy: "One shudders to imagine what inhuman thoughts lie behind that mask..."

[Cut to Pyro firing their Flame Thrower, then to a wider shot, showing an entire wooden town in flames.]

Spy: "... What dreams of chronic and sustained cruelty?"

[Cut to a front view of the Pyro, zooming rapidly into the blackness of one of their eyepieces. There is the sound of the Pyro's breathing and a single white spot which zooms forward and splits into a binocular view while a distorted baby laughter can be heard. When the spots focus, it shows a psychedelic dreamscape*.*]

[As Do You Believe In Magic? begins playing, the view from the Pyro's eyes shows colorful hills, lollipops, floating cats and quaint villages. The Pyro's flame thrower appears in their hands as an unusually-shaped brass instrument*, spraying a rainbow-colored mist over ground, causing colorful flowers to spring from the lawn in front of them. The Pyro laughs. Within this dreamscape, BLU characters appear as chubby little cherubs and sound like babies.*]

[As a BLU Heavy appears and bounces on the ground, the Pyro grabs a giant lollipop and cheers. The two converge seemingly happily. While the Pyro in the dreamscape shoves the lollipop in the Heavy's mouth, the scene cuts to the battle as the Pyro hits the Heavy with the Fire Axe.]

[A BLU Scout appears, flying around and finally resting on the Pyro's instrument. The Pyro blows bubbles in his face in their vision, but shoots the Scout point blank with the Scorch Shot in the battle, knocking him back.]

[In the dreamscape, a BLU Medic appears out of a box, and the Pyro closes the box on him. In reality, Pyro traps the BLU Medic in a shed by barring the door with their axe.]

Medic: "No!"

[Pyro bathes the shed and the Medic in flames, who can be heard screaming. While in the dreamscape, the Pyro continues to shoot streams of rainbow mist from their weapon. As the Pyro passes, the Balloonicorn appears, and the BLU Engineer and Spy ride it. The BLU cherubs salute and celebrate the Pyro, and a BLU cherub Demoman waves at the camera from close up. Cut back to reality.]

Demoman: I'M BURNING!

[It is revealed that all of the BLU Team are being burned and killed. A BLU Soldier is hit by a piece of the destroyed sentry of a BLU Engineer*, who is shown flying off into the distance. A Scout flees and screams while a BLU* Sniper crashes out of a second-story window to the ground. He crawls over to the ankle of a nearby person. The sound of a Dispenser and then a teleporter being destroyed in the distance is heard.]

Engineer: Dispenser down!

[The BLU Sniper looks up, desperate.]

Sniper: "Help!"

[The ankle belongs to the Pyro, who looks down and shoots their flame thrower. The Sniper can be heard screaming as the view zooms in on the Pyro's mask, flames reflecting off the eyepieces as the Pyro tilts their head.]

[Ending title card appears and accompanying music plays]

[Cut back to the dreamscape, where the Pyro happily walks away into the sunset. The view zooms out and passes through the burnt, gaping hole in the stomach of a BLU Soldier. The view transitions back to reality as the Soldier clutches his smoldering innards for a moment and then falls over with a stifled groan. The Pyro continues to walk away into the sunset, whistling to Do You Believe In Magic? as the town begins to collapse from the inferno, the streets littered with charred BLU corpses. Fade to black.]

[Cut to a BLU Pyro firing a blast of flame from his Flamethrower. He thrusts his weapon in the air and laughs triumphantly as a rocket heads towards him from off screen].

Pyro: [Rocket hits Pyro, who is gibbed.] "Ow!"

[Cut to BLU Demoman taking a drink, also getting blown up by a Crit rocket from off screen.]

[Cut to BLU Heavy performing the Showdown taunt.]

Heavy: "Pow!" [Explodes, presumably by a third Crit rocket]

["Meet the Soldier" text appears.]

[Cut to the Soldier, drilling what appears to be a line of recruits.]

Soldier: "If fighting is sure to result in victory, then you must fight! Sun Tzu said that, and I'd say he knows a little more [He pokes a recruits' helmet] about fighting than you do, pal, because he invented it, and then he perfected it so that no living man could best him in the ring of honor."

[The Art of War plays]

[Cut to the Soldier holding his Shovel and screaming.]

[The Soldier then charges the final capture point in Granary with his Shotgun and kills a Demoman, who fires at him but misses. He switches to his Rocket Launcher and a BLU Medic appears behind him, firing syringes.]

RED Demoman: "To the left!"

Soldier: "Maggots!"

[The Soldier turns to the left and fires a Crit rocket at the Medic, gibbing him.]

RED Sniper: "Right up! Right up!"

RED Heavy: "Go, go, go!"

[The Soldier, Sniper and Heavy charge into battle together, as explosions occur all around them.]

[Cut back to the Soldier's drill. Music pauses.]

Soldier: "Then, he used his fight money...

[The Soldier unhooks two grenades from his belt, one in each hand.]

Soldier: ...to buy two of every animal on earth, and then he herded them onto a boat...

[The Soldier demonstrates by using the grenades, moving them in a walking motion.]

Soldier: ...and then he beat the crap out of every single one."

[The Soldier bangs the two grenades together repeatedly.]

[Cut back to battle scene. Music resumes.]

RED Scout: (Behind cover) "Sentry up there!"

[The Soldier runs up to the Sentry gun and rocket jumps onto a pipe, both destroying the Sentry and killing the Engineer in the process.]

[A BLU Heavy and Pyro are holding the final capture point. The Heavy is laughing gleefully. The Soldier jumps downward, firing a Critical rocket that lands just before he does. The explosion kills both the Heavy and Pyro. A Spy uncloaks and attempts to backstab the Soldier, but the Soldier pulls out his Shovel, swiftly knocking out the Spy with it.]

[Freeze frame]

[Cut back to the Soldiers drill]

Soldier: [Laughs to himself] "And from that day forward any time a bunch of animals are together in one place it's called a 'zoo'!"

[Crickets chirp as the 'recruits' are revealed to be the Gibbed heads of BLU team members perched on a gate, all wearing BLU Soldier helmets. The Medic's head falls off the gate.]

[Team Fortress 2 ending flourish music plays.]

Soldier: [To the Medic's head] "Unless it's a farm!"

[The Scout watches various BLU team members stationed around the center point: an Engineer industriously making defensive preparations, a smoking Spy, and a Soldier juggling rockets.]

[Scout pumps his Scattergun and RED runs out to attack the point.]

[The Scout charges into a fierce battle on Well, quickly outpacing all his teammates. He runs towards the center of the map, dodging everything that BLU throws at him, then outruns and crosses a passing train as it crushes a BLU Soldier and Pyro.]

["Meet the Scout" text appears]

[Scout walks in front of the Meet the Scout text, from off frame.]

Scout: "Um... I don't even know where to start with you. I mean, do you even know who you're talkin' to?

[Cut to a scene of a BLU Heavy, sitting near the third control point in Granary about to take a bite of a Sandvich, when he is poked in the head by the Scout's Bat.]

Scout: "Yo, what's up?"

[Cuts back to Scout in front of text.]

Scout: D-Do you have any idea, any idea who I am?"

[Back to Heavy and Scout, who are in a fistfight while yelling. Cuts back to Scout.]

Scout: "Basically - kind of a big deal!"

[Back to fight. Scout is strangling Heavy with his Bat.]

Scout: [flexes a scrawny arm] "Oh man, that's beautiful. Heh!"

[Cut back to fight, Heavy now has the Scout in a headlock. Cuts back to Scout.]

Scout: " Ya' listenin'? OK. Grass grows, birds fly, sun shines, and brotha'- [pokes the camera] I hurt people."

[Cut back to fight, Heavy now has the Scout in a headlock. Cuts back to Scout.]

Scout: " Ya' listenin'? OK. Grass grows, birds fly, sun shines, and brotha'- [pokes the camera] I hurt people."

[Cut back to fight, The Scout whacks the Heavy in the gut with his Bat.]

Scout: "BOINK!"

Scout: [back to text] "I'm a force a' nature!"

[Scout hits the Heavy in the chin.]

Scout: "BONK!"

[Cuts back to Scout]

Scout: "If you were from where I was from, you'd be f**kin' dead!"

[Cuts back to fight; Heavy is collapsed on the ground trying to reach for his Sandvich; the Scout runs up the side of a shipping container, jumps off and slams his Bat into the Heavy's head.]

[Cuts back to Scout]

Scout: "WOOO!"

[Team Fortress 2 ending flourish music plays]

[Scout sits on the twitching body of the Heavy eating the Heavy's Sandvich; the point is now RED's.]