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+rep, this man flirted with my daughter and then proceeded to bomb nagasaki; alas i have written a poem for us to remember him for.

Dressy Saucer, whose deeds befell.
Not a hero, nor noble in romance,
Yet a lesson in the shadows of chance.

War crimes darkened his somber name,
A chapter of history, a legacy of shame.
Yet, in the pages where the ink is spilled,
His interest for romance, the world chilled.

I sexually Identify as the "I sexually identify as an attack helicopter" joke. Ever since I was a child, I've dreamed of flippantly dismissing any concepts or discussions regarding gender that don't fit in with what I learned in 8th grade bio. People say to me that this joke hasn't been funny since 2014 and to at least come up with a new one, but I don't care, I'm hilarious. I'm having a plastic surgeon install Ctrl, C, and V keys on my body. From now on I want you guys to call me "epic kek dank meme T rannies owned with facts and logic" and respect my right to $hit up social media. If you can't accept me you're a memeophobe and need to check your ability-to-critically-think privilege. Thank you for being so understanding.

I sexually Identify as the "I sexually identify as an attack helicopter" joke. Ever since I was a child, I've dreamed of flippantly dismissing any concepts or discussions regarding gender that don't fit in with what I learned in 8th grade bio. People say to me that this joke hasn't been funny since 2014 and to at least come up with a new one, but I don't care, I'm hilarious. I'm having a plastic surgeon install Ctrl, C, and V keys on my body. From now on I want you guys to call me "epic kek dank meme T rannies owned with facts and logic" and respect my right to $hit up social media. If you can't accept me you're a memeophobe and need to check your ability-to-critically-think privilege. Thank you for being so understanding.

The other day, my son came home for Christmas with his new partner. I was excited to meet her, but imagine my horror when it turned out to be another man. I immediately started to protest, but my son said "Dad, this is who I am" Without missing a beat, I turned around and said, "You forgot to say NO H0M0" But my boy simply scoffed at me and said, "Actually dad, I AM a homosexual" I stared straight at my son, penetrating his soul with my eyes, and said, "But that's gay." As soon as I said that, my son began to convulse. He dropped to floor in some sort of manic state, spit pouring from his mouth as his eyes rolled back into his head. His bf tried to help him, but I pushed that dainty little queer away with my heteronormative strength. After a full minute, my son opened his eyes and said, "Dad, you cured me of my homosexuality." Then he pointed at that queer and said, "Let's get that hom0!" After we wiped Brian's blood off our hands, we sat down with a beer and watched some football.

I'm telling you, this dude is as cracked as he is jacked. I saw him at a 7-11 the other day and he was buying cases of Redbull and adult diapers. I asked him what the diapers were for and he said, "they help contain my full power so I don't completely $hit on these kids" and then he bunny hopped out the door, if you think you're good at fps games then you've probably never played against this dude before, because he's just that good.

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、

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oh- uhhhh ... Sorry guys i was just cleaning my keyboard haha it's not like i was stalking your profile and suddenly had the urge to clean my keyboard mid way after my hands got too sweaty from jerking it off haha, silly you lol.

Sitting on a toilet's seat that is still warm from the last person is the closest I’ve come to physical contact with another human in 10 years.
Sometimes when I’m feeling really alone I’ll stroll down to the nearby park/Library and read a book with an eye on the bathroom. If someone enters and is in there for more than 3 minutes I mark my spot with a bookmark and patiently wait for them to exit. The Second The door opens up and they walk out of it, I instantly stride quickly, right infront of them, to the stall before the warm porcelain hug fades. after that i proceed to sit on the warm toilet seat and i just inhale the other person's scent and aura that's still lingering around.
anyways i was just wondering, do you guys think this is a weird thing to do, cuz i just feel like it's really a normal human interaction and people really to stop judging me for doing this ...

ENDGAME SPOILER!!!!
At the end of Endgame, Thanos agrees to undo everything he's done if the Avengers can beat him in a penis measuring contest, but none of the avengers even came close. Even the Hulk is shorter than Thanos by a noticeable amount, and their girth isn't even comparable. That's when, at the last moment, Captain Marvel pulls down her pants and unleashes the phattest hawg the universe has ever seen. Shamed by her immense size, Thanos undoes all that he has done, and then commits Japanese ritual suicide. AKA seppuko, He is now buried in an unmarked grave in Area 51.. salute to our fallen alien brother everyone. Don't forget to drop frankerZ's and kappa's in forsen's chat.

I sexually Identify as the "I sexually identify as an attack helicopter" joke. Ever since I was a child, I've dreamed of flippantly dismissing any concepts or discussions regarding gender that don't fit in with what I learned in 8th grade bio. People say to me that this joke hasn't been funny since 2014 and to at least come up with a new one, but I don't care, I'm hilarious. I'm having a plastic surgeon install Ctrl, C, and V keys on my body. From now on I want you guys to call me "epic kek dank meme T rannies owned with facts and logic" and respect my right to $hit up social media. If you can't accept me you're a memeophobe and need to check your ability-to-critically-think privilege. Thank you for being so understanding.

You're So Funny Bro ... I literally died laughing from that joke. Your joke was so original and complex that the simpleminded might not even understand it. You know what, while I'm laughing at your hilarious joke, I want you to raise my kids and f uck my wife. I'll probably be laughing for the next 22 years so I won't be able to take care of them. I ask you to pull out your 16-inch c ock and insert it into my wife's tight v agina.

Also, you might want to start asking for other people's iq's before sharing this joke with them due to the fact that some people might not get it and get r/woooshed. You know what, I'm going to save this on every device I have to show your kids in the future why I'm not their father anymore.

Anyway, enough of me rambling. I'm going to sign the divorce papers so you can f uck my wife asap and share your superior genes with my bloodline so i can also be somewhat a part of your great legacy.

please, PLEASE, stop referring to women as females. it’s dehumanizing. women don’t like it. not to mention it’s weird to say men and females in the same sentence. just say women. a majority of the time, when someone says “females,” the follow up is deeply rooted in misogyny. it’s also grammatically weird. female is often used as an adjective, not a subject (example: female cat). it’s often used to describe animals, not people. it’s an easy way to call women inferior without saying it out loud. Additionally, when you refer to women as females, you’re also reducing women to their reproductive parts and abilities, which is just gross and demeaning. i'm sorry but if you're a male then you're nothing more than a pig, and we don't need you anymore to reproduce in our society because now we have trans women. so just die or something.

Our moon is so useless and pathetic compared to all of the cool moons out there in the solar system. While other moons have all these cool features, all our Moon did was hit us, and then get a free ride orbiting us for a few billion years.
Europa is such a cool moon, that it could potentially have liquid water underneath. The gravitational effects of its planet Jupiter, and some of Jupiter's other Moons (including Ganymede, a moon so sick, it is bigger than the planet Mercury, and almost as big as Mars; Callisto, another huge a$$ moon bigger than ours, one that might even have water as well; and Io, a pizza coloured moon with f ucking sulfuric volcanoes) cause internal movement for the body, meaning there might not only be the biggest ocean currently known in the universe there, but it could very well have geothermic vents. Geothermic vents mean that there could potentially be life there! Our stupid a$$ moon can't do none of that $hit, it's just barren.
So Yeah F uck our moon.

i'm a professional Weeb $hitposter I'll have you know I graduated top of my class in the Weeb Forces, and I've been involved in numerous secret raids on 4Ch4n Normies, I have over 300 Viral Memes all over the internet, a PHD in weebery and Animemes knowledge and relevance, i also studied the Dimensional theory from Stiens Gate and debated it against steven hawking's studies of the dark matter, gave those casual scientists a taste of ANIME, I Can Be Anywhere, Anytime, For i have mastered the Art of ninjutsu after watching the show known as naruto for over 420 times and after observing every single move, act, hand sign, breath, the characters do i was able to actually unlock my chakra gates and now i can use ninjutsu at ease, i've also managed to learn breathing techniques as shown and demonstrated in demon's slayer and now i can use the breath of sun with no issues what so not, i've also mastered the japanese language solely through watching anime,So you better watch out for me losers.

We regret to inform you that your Credit Card titled "Dad's Visa" has been declined, any of your latest purchases will not be processed due to suspicous activities. To unlock your card for further use, please confirm your recent purchases and total cost with your local bank.

The listing follows

- 1x Monster Horse Dild0 (12') $89.99
- 1x Ultra HD Backdoor C ock 9 $12.99
- 6x Magnum condoms (Small) $24.45
- 5x Bananas $7.00
- 5x Cucumbers $4.00
- 1x FeelsLikeBlood Lube Bottle 750ml $19.99
- 1x Next day shipping $45.00
- 1x Frequent Shopper Discount (15%)


Please respond back to us using your old email:
i_love_black_C0ock@hotmail.com

Feet.What else can I say?Absolutely marvelous.Stupendous.Utterly amazing,l'd say.The scale,the size,the shape all perfect.The perplexing scent may seem,to put it in the peasants language,nasty,at first,but as you truly realize the beauty of feet,it grows on you.It's an incredible metaphor for life-even the most perfect thing will have a flaw, but it too must be appreciated,and in a way,it improves said thing even more.But the best part is,undoubtedly,the taste.Ohh,ahh.. scrumptious! Splendid! If it were up to me,i'd lick them all day,everyday From the very tip of the heel to the ends of every single toe,as my tongue slowly drifts across the deserted surface.The burn you feel on your tongue feels odd and makes you feel uneasy at first,but it's part of the experience,and soon enough you learn to love it,as you start feeling it permanently.It's all you can feel But sucking the toes is truly the highlight.The mere thought of sticking them in my mouth makes me ejaculate in mere seconds...

Look i know This is going to sound crazy, but i saw someone post THE same paragraph as mine just a minute ago On another person's steam profile. The odds of two people having the same paragraph-long thought is astronomical, especially on the world wide web of the internet !!. Wow. i'm absolutely blown, what are the ODDS right??? just thinking about it melts my brain haha, it's really mind boggling when these really rare things happen to you haha, i guess this is just another once in a lifetime experience to check off the list, i'll make sure to right down today's date and time just to make sure i remember this legendary moment of when someone thought of the exact long paragraph as mine on the internet :D !!!

In my 7+ Years McDonalds career i always worked hard and tried to make the best burgers. i personally believe that burgers have the power to change the world, you don't know it but when u eat a good burger your brain instantly starts bursting dopamine like crazy, the more you eat of a good burger the more you want more of it, after eating at least two burgers you'd already contracted ADDICTION to my burgers, now you are my burger minion, i can command you to do whatever i wish, my plan was to take over the world governments by creating a massive revolt with my burgers influence over people, but As of now at least, current workforce doesn't fit this principle. not to mention that my manger is being an A$$hat recently, and with that, McDonalds is unable/unwilling to make changes to fit that goal. so my plan is put on pause for the time being.

Eating mustard with Oreos? Not in my Godd4mn Country.
To the Buffoons behind the USA Today crossword puzzle, Today's (2/12/20) clue for 10 down was "Cookie that some people eat with mustard", i eventually filled in "OREO." I was confused but willing to admit my ignorance for the sake of completing your godforsaken puzzle, and then i tried it. you bastards. I Would hope that given the cultural influence of the USA today crossword puzzle, the puzzle masters would exert some sort of quality review for their clues, oreos and mustard?---I can now inform you with learned experintial certainty---are WRETCHED. I would be very appreciative if you would kindly refund $0.14---the exact cost of the 4 Altoids i had to consume to get the taste out of my mouth---to my venmo. i'm willing to forgive the cost of the oreo:$0.18. the mustard was free. get your godd4m Mustard Out of my oreos you sick bastards.

Hey Nice Profile Bro.
Holy $hit This is a really cool profile you've got here!!! I can't stop respecting the beauty of it !! Take my +Rep! Take another from my second account !! (+repx2) Hell, take a 5 Dollar Gift Card, why not? Scratch that, a 10 dollar card ! Scratch that, a 25 dollar card even! God, just come to my house and plunge your 2-incher into my gaping a$$hole already! You can have my wallet afterwards too! Take the credit cards too, I’ll even give you the PIN numbers! Hell, you can take the whole damn house while you’re at it! You can even have my wife and kids if you want! I’m willing to go into poverty just because your Steam Profile looks so good and i can't stop respecting it !!

Please respond, I am the mother of a 9 year old that you played Minesweeper with. After your [One "vs" One] match with him he came home with a sore back, not too long after that he got diagnosed with autism out of the sudden, my child has always been very loquacious and talktive, it all started changing after your match please tell me what happened in your private lobby, i tried joining the lobby but it asked for my credit card information for some reason so i didn't trust that, Please don't take offense in this but the internet is a wild place nowadays you can't trust anything anymore. more importantly tho, i await your reply, please contact me at "My_Kid_Has_Autisim@Hotmail.com" if you happen to read this.

This Profile made me Realize that life is is a characteristic that distinguishes physical entities that have biological processes, such as signaling and self-sustaining processes, from those that do not,either because such functions have ceased,or because they never had such functions and are classified as inanimate.Various forms of life exist, such as plants, animals,archaea,and bacteria.Biology is the science concerned with the study of life.There is currently no consensus regarding the definition of life.One popular definition is that organisms are open systems that maintain homeostasis, are composed of cells,have a life cycle,undergo metabolism,can grow,adapt to their environment,respond to stimuli, reproduce and evolve.However, several other definitions have been proposed, and there are some borderline cases of life,The prevailing scientific hypothesis is that the transition from non-living to living entities was not a single event, but a gradual process of increasing complexity.

hey, sorry I saw your profile and I just thought you looked cute in your picture, I really wanted to tell you that)) It's really rare to see girls playing video games haha! I don't know why its a guy thing honestly im like really against misogyny and like ill be the one in the kitchen making sandwiches. We should really play rust sometime its a really cool survival game with a lot of scary moments, but don't worry ill be there to protect you ;) sorry that wasnt flirting I swear Im just trying to be friendly I really like your profile picture sorry was that too far? Really sorry i'm really shy I don't go out much haha add me on skype we should talk more you look really nice and fun xxx

I'm not a boomer. I am not a boomer. Do not f ucking call me a boomer ever again. I am quite honestly one of the least boomer people you have ever met. I make jokes about depression, mad f ucking f ucked depression. I am not boomer. I am not a boomer. Stop saying I am a boomer. If you were a boomer, I would have probably already punched the s hit out of you by now, but fortunately you are a zoomer whose body remained un-touched by my fat, meaty, fists because I AM NOT A BOOMER. If I was a boomer though, you would find my Jackhammer pounding your face with my fists. Luckily for you, I am NOT A BOOMER, and you will have your virgin face remain unpounded ad infinitum. Actually, it seems to me like you are the boomer here. You are a boomer, not me. I am not a boomer, and I will never be. If I was ever a boomer in a past life (which I WASN'T), I would be killing myself right now, that is how boomer I AM NOT.

Second grade survival guide:

• second grade gets HARD. Stay on top of all your homework.

• in sexond grade you learn the hard $hit. Multiplication is no joke. may b get a tutor

• grammer and speling will kill you so practiece a lot

• dronk water

• study 40 hours a day

• dating gets real. this is the grade to get a serious boy/girlfriend. this isn’t 1st grade anymore. cooties aren’t a thing anymore.

• if u get a bad grade punch ur teacher in their crotch!

• 99.99% of people lose their virginity in 2nd grade. don’t get left behind

• girls: no more shopping at justice or baby gap anymore. shop at the real stores now. Like Victoria secret and brandy Melville

• guys: wear heelies to get all the hoes

• you should defiantly know where you wanna go to college at this point

• take all ap classes

• $hit your pants on the first day of school to assert your dominance

Waluigi is the ultimate example of the individual shaped by the signifier. Waluigi is a man seen only in mirror images; lost in a hall of mirrors he is a reflection of a reflection of a reflection. You start with Mario – the wholesome all Italian plumbing superman, you reflect him to create Luigi – the same thing but slightly less. You invert Mario to create Wario – Mario turned septic and libertarian – then you reflect the inversion in the reflection: you create a being who can only exist in reference to others. Waluigi is the true nowhere man, without the other characters he reflects, inverts and parodies he has no reason to exist. Waluigi’s identity only comes from what and who he isn’t – without a wider frame of reference he is nothing. He is not his own man. In a world where our identities are shaped by our warped relationships to brands and commerce we are all Waluigi.

Trains are really unpredictable. Even in the middle of a forest two rails can appear out of nowhere, and a 1.5-mile fully loaded coal drag, heading east out of the low-sulfur mines of the PRB, will be right on your a ss the next moment.

I was doing laundry in my basement, and I tripped over a metal bar that wasn't there the moment before. I looked down: "Rail? WTF?" and then I saw concrete sleepers underneath and heard the rumbling.

Deafening railroad horn. I dumped my wife's pants, unfolded, and dove behind the water heater. It was a double-stacked Z train, headed east towards the fast single track of the BNSF Emporia Sub (Flint Hills). Majestic as hell: 75 mph, 6 units, distributed power: 4 ES44DC's pulling, and 2 Dash-9's pushing, all in run 8. Whole house smelled like diesel for a couple of hours!

Fact is, there is no way to discern which path a train will take, so you really have to be watchful. If only there were some way of knowing the routes trains travel.

I used to roll half a bottle of laxative pills into a Crunch wrap supreme and then leave cow pies on peoples door mats. People in my town installed porch cameras to catch the "Phantom S hitter" they said it couldn't possibly be one man, the hits were too frequent and too large. It had to be a whole gang of city punks coordinating and making planned precision strikes. I felt like a god among lesser beings in my town. Every time i was at the local diner and i overheard someone screaming about the black slop they found on their porch i felt powerful and unstoppable. I became too arrogant, started striking during the day. That's when they caught me and strung me up in the streets and hit me with rocks. I barely escaped with my life and i had to leave town. Now after all these years, I'm in a new town and I behave well enough. But I've got this nagging feeling, the urge is back, and I'm starting to think that my new town is about to experience a storm

Sorry, my English is terrible
Pardon for my inexcusably poor understanding of the Anglo-Frisian-Germanic language, and thus regional dialects, known by native speakers as "English". Indeed I do give my upmost effort to educate myself and better my understanding and thus comprehension of such an unusual yet widely used modern foreign language, but alas my efforts have so far encountered nothing but limited success. The combinations of both Latin and Germanic lexis have so far proved to be a serious tribulation for my progress.

However, I do not share such linguistic capabilities and expansive lexicon in my understanding of "English", so therefore I must once again profusely apologise for my such poor use of the vocabulary, Grammar and other such linguistic factors that one must consider in this context.

Boner physics Lesson :
If every male on earth got a boner at the same time, the earth's rotation would slow down. Assume there are about 3.8 billion males, with an average D ick height of about 80 cm off the ground. The average D ick weighs about 100 grams.

That's a combined mass of 380,000,000 kg of C ock

Now we must make an approximation. For simplicity's sake, let us assume the C ocks are all evenly lined up in a ring around the equator. The equation for moment of inertia of a ring is I = mass*radius^2. The radius of earth is about 6.371 million meters. Therefore the radius of the approximated D ick ring is 6,371,000 + 0.80 = 6,371,000.8 meters.

I = 380,000,000*6,371,000.8^2 = 1.5424*10^22

The Earth has a moment of inertia, I = 8.04×10^37 kg*m^2. The Earth rotates at a moderate angular velocity of 7.2921159 ×10^−5 radians/second.
So in conclusion If we all have a boner at the same time, we will collectively be able to last 0.6752 nanoseconds longer in bed. Stay hard fellas.

S Y N E R G I S E

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Hello am 48 year man from somalia. Sorry for my bed england. I selled my wife for internet connection for play "conter stirk" and I want to become the goodest player like you I play on brazil server with 400 ping and am Global elite 2. Pls no copy and pasterino my story.