i'm going to ♥♥♥ !!!! oh god oh my god i just cummed

I truly whole heartedly wish that I was a asexual. I’m short, ugly, not rich, not athletic, not a pretty white boy. So no surprise that I’ve never had a girlfriend, never kissed a girl, don’t even have any friends that are girls. All my friends have girlfriends and it’s honestly pretty sad. Honestly being straight has made me feel nothing but sadness. I really wish there was some operation to remove my sexual desires because I would love nothing more then to stop being attracted to girls for the rest of my life. On the bright-side since I’m probs gonna be single for the rest of my life then I’ll have extra money and won’t have to worry so much about hygiene and could just chill and focus more what I enjoy.

My biggest problem since i was 17 was figuring out who tf i am. Im turning 20 in a couple of months and these 3 years where i rarely socialized (i had no friends) made me lose the knowledge of who i am. I went home from school each day and watched my favorite streamers. And from seeing the chats reaction to my favorite streamer made me realize, damn the reason why i have no friends is because I don't act and behave like the streamer. I need to copy his jokes, try to be more funny in general and need to adopt personality traits from this streamer because Look! All the 50k chatters and viewers enjoy watching this person, so to be socially acceptable and fun to hang around i need to be a copy of him!!

But that is just so draining, i lose my identity, i don't know who my old self is anymore. And because of that i just say ♥♥♥♥ it, i can't find my old self anymore i continue acting like my favorite streamer.

I think this screams insecurity right? Any advice or something would be nice

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⠀𝑀𝑒𝓇𝓇𝓎 𝒞𝒽𝓇𝒾𝓈𝓉𝓂𝒶𝓈!!!

Sup, lets go party in cs go

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