What's the hardest part about eating vegetables? The wheelchair.

Why are Americans bad at Dota? Because they are bad at defending towers.

Why do black guys only have nightmares? Because we killed the only one that had a dream.

In west Pakistania
Born and raised
On the bomb range where I spent most of my days
Blowin up infidels, relaxin all cool
Shootin U.S. troops outside of school
When a couple of americans who were up to no good
Started defiling islam in my neighborhood
I set off one chem bomb and my mom got scared
She said "You're moving in with your 6 aunties in Tehran"
I whistled for a plane
And when it came near
The license plate said "Boom" and there were severed heads in the mirror
I thought to myself "Man, this plane is rare"
Then I thought "Nah man, fulfill Sharia law"
"Go bomb in Tehran"
I pulled up to the cell about 9:11 or later
I looked at the driver and said "Allah hu akbar, madh Allah, yarzuqna"
I looked at my flag
I've earned my title
Time to sit on my nukes as the prince of ISIL

I dream of becoming a carrot. When I'm home alone I dig holes in the backyard and stand in them, put lettuce on top of my head from sun up to sun down. I would steal sun tan spray from stores and use it until I turned a bright orange. People tell me it's impossible for me to be a carrot but I know I can be anything I want to be

Dear Customer,

We regret to inform you that the card titled "Mommy's Debit" has been declinded your latest purchases due to suspicous activities. To unlock your card for further use, please confirm your recent purchases with your local bank. The listing follows

- 1x Monster Horse Dildo 12' Lubricated Thrusters
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- 6x Magnum condoms
- 5x Bananas
- 1x Small Condom
- 2x Subscription to JakeChillz Minecraft stream
- 1x Deag's Rust Career
- 1x Gay Poster

Please respond back to us using your old email:
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Thanks for your patience,
Wells All Mighty Lord Gabe.