Wrote this. Few days later straight up coup in Zimbabwe!

Robert Mugabe on a computer.

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Hello i am the admin at the Al-Qaeda militants program,

We are sorry but your application to Jihad has been declined.

The reason for this decision is some of our child suicide bombers are taller than you and you must be at least 170cm tall to Jihad.

Sorry for any inconvnience.

Yours sincerely,
General Emir Ayman al-Zawahiri

Ｈｅｌｌｏ　ｔｈｉｓ　ｉｓ　ｔｈｅ　ａｄｍｉｎｉｓｔｒａｔｏｒ　ｏｆ　ＰｏｒｎＨｕｂ™　ｗｅ　ｈａｖｅ　ｎｏｔｉｃｅｄ　ｙｏｕ　 ｈａｖｅｎ’ｔ　ｌｏｇｇｅｄ　ｉｎ　ｆｏｒ　２　ｗｅｅｋｓ，　ｗｅ’ｒｅ　ｊｕｓｔ　ｃｈｅｃｋｉｎｇ　ｔｏ　ｓｅｅ　ｉｆ　ｅｖｅｒｙｔｈｉｎｇ　 ｉｓ　ｏｋａｙ　ａｎｄ　ｗｅ’ｖｅ　ｐｒｅｐａｒｅｄ　ｙｏｕ　ａ　ｌｉｓｔ　ｏｆ　ｖｉｄｅｏｓ　ｆｒｏｍ　ｙｏｕｒ　ｆａｖｏｕｒｉｔｅ　 ｃａｔｅｇｏｒｙ　（Retaking Constantinople）．　Ｓｅｅ　ｙｏｕ　ｓｏｏｎ!

♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥ he's alive