I'm writing this story as a warning to all those who don't chew Mentos immediately after popping them in their mouths.

My girlfriend and I went to college in different cities. After a month apart, we finally decided to meet up, and since I was so happy about it, I decided to give her cunnilingus.

I always enjoyed it, but this time, for some reason, her kitty smelled like the dead Pope and tasted even worse. I didn't want to offend her, so I took a Mentos. While licking it, I accidentally pushed it inside her, but luckily, I have nimble fingers and quickly dug it out, put it back in my mouth, and chewed it. Unfortunately, what found itself in my mouth wasn't Mentos. It was a gonorrhea lump.

(It should be noted that the lump was the size of a ducking Mentos.)

Instead of icy freshness, my mouth filled with pus. I started screaming, puking, and throwing up all over the place. When I couldn't think of anything else to say and rinsed my mouth out, I demanded she tell me what the duck was going on. It turns out the stupid female dog had cheated on me with some guy a week after I left and had no idea anything was wrong with her.

Since then, I've been stuck in my basement, nursing gonorrhea in my mouth and educating people about the proper use of Mentos.