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Are you playing the game on the laptop when this happens? When the game is installed on both systems, the default will be to join the stream if one side is running the game.
If you never want to stream, both of your issues can be fixed by disabling streaming (from the settings) on either system.
As for your question: Am I playing the game on the laptop when I have the issue? Nope. However, it seems to like to do it when I've *played* the game on the laptop at any point since I last played it on the desktop. I'll use Terraria as my example since it's my most recent issue - I'm on the desktop playing a non-Steam game, I let my little brother borrow my laptop, he starts and plays Terraria. Not long after he stops playing Terraria I go to get on Terraria on the desktop, it tries to stream from the laptop.