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I've also seen plenty of people with opinions about "all yuri games" that when it came down to it didn't actually know of any yuri games outside of the Sono Hanabira series.
Regarding men being more their own person... I think it really depends on the skill of the writer.
Which is depressingly lacking as I've made quite clear - why I stay the hell away from visual novels... Hell I'd go as far as to say I could do it better.
On vndb there are about 19.3k vns listed, about 350 include some (set) elements of f/f, about 1.7k are labelled otome - guess what would happen if you ask an omnipotent objective observer to choose the 50 best stories of each label.
But the phenomenons mentioned in OP remind me more of Japan (generalization, as I typed in my first comment) in which the whole "pixie dream" thing seems more severe to me.