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I've been thinking about the options on how to kill myself numerous times, for over hours, but I've never had the strength in myself to actually do that, no matter the consequences.
I do share the same reason as you do; I can't imagine, how much it'd hurt my friends and my family.
If I call it that way, they're the only obstacle between life and death in my case, in case I do use my will and act by myself (no drugs to influence me or opinion of other people, etc.).
Overcoming those thoughts is hard, but a joy always helps me to forget about ti.
It can be sport (swimming, perfect for a relaxation), running (another example on how to relax by watching the surroundings I do see and explore), by participating in discussions (like in this one, for example), and so on...
Eating chocolate does help a lot too, but... You know, I do care about myself a bit, and being fat is ... something I can't even imagine.
From my childhood, too much was demanded of me, My father is extremely strict, and for any little thing, ANY LITTLE THING, I was punished. Sometimes it was something simple, like "Get in the corner! and think about your attitude!", sometimes worse... I will always remember the moment when, for another minor mistake, my father did not restrain himself from charging me in the stomach. I was 13 at the time. It rarely came to this, but he always knew how to push morally. It's gotten to the point where I avoid him in every possible way. I literally couldn't speak properly in front of him, I just shivered. Not much has changed since then. Unless I'm 21 years old, and I live separately. But even now, it gives me the creeps if I get a call from him on my phone.
It's not hard to guess how "socially active" I grew up. I find it hard to communicate, meet new people and everything in this spirit, my social circle is extremely small. This has led to a huge number of problems. One day I was so sick of everything that I ran away from home at night. It was winter, and I was just walking, with no definite purpose. So I wandered until I found myself on the bridge. Winter, because of the humidity, there was a fog around, and I just stood and looked into the abyss.
I remember climbing over the railing.
I remember hanging on to the abyss, holding on to the railing with one hand.
I remember shouting something.
Perhaps the only thing that stopped me that night was that I knew that if I did this, my mother would not handle it, and unlike my father, I always had only warm feelings for her. She always tried to support me. So that... I went home that night, and I never told anyone about it.
Since then, I have often had certain thoughts, but I restrain myself. Despite the fact that even now things are going lousy, I'm holding on. I am not eager to seek help from specialists. If I lose my temper one day, so be it. But I am grateful to my few, but true friends, who are always ready to listen and support. They make it easier for me to bear it all. Everyone needs to have someone who is willing to listen. Therefore, I myself became such a person for many. There are a lot of people around us who need help. So I dedicated myself to helping others. That's it.
Please forgive my, most likely, poor English, I am not a native speaker.
It turns out that telling about it after all these years is like throwing a mountain off your shoulders.
Feel free to write me if you need someone nearby, or just need to talk to someone. Don't try to keep everything to yourself. It makes you burn out from the inside. I feel it. But still choose carefully who you want to discuss your problems with. If a person does not understand you or does not take you seriously, it can cause irreparable damage to your psychological state.
If you're reading this and you have a problem, then I believe that everything will work out, sooner or later. The main thing - do not lose hope, look for the right people and, if possible, exclude the cause of all problems from your life. Live to the fullest. Enjoy the little things. Find a purpose in your life. That's what you want, and what you strive for. Everything. Will be. Good.
I'm sorry, I talked too much. Bye, and all the best to you.
Hey, bad grades should'nt be a reason for suicide. I've been deppressed about it. but once i grew older i realised how unsignificant grades really are. And the i realised how bad i felt about it before and the i laughed. It is something you will get over, it's just that RIGHT NOW it's hard, soon you will have forgotten about it. Stay strong.
Good that you think of your family. You probably have a really kind heart. It is really easy to blame yourself, but you should'nt and you gonna find that out. You ain't a loser because you don't have a job, absolutely not. I'm here if you wanna talk!!! I'm openminded and i don't judge, and i do my best to hear your version.
Now, that I have no school to think about, my deppression got away fairly quickly and smoothly.
So, the only issue now is to find a job, as basically nobody does want uneducated people nowadays, unless they're quite handy with some stuff, which I'm absolutely not.
Take care of yourself please.