Happy new year mully ;)

waht up my brother from another mother

mullllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllly

Happy mother ♥♥♥♥♥♥ birthday to me!!!

Why wasen't jesus born in mexico??? because they coulden't find 3 wise men and a virgin.

A man takes his Rottweiler to the vet. My dog's cross-eyed, is there anything you can do for him? "
"Well," says the vet, "let's have a look at him" So he picks the dog up and examines his eyes, then checks his teeth. Finally, he says "I'm going to have to put him down."
"What? Because he's cross-eyed?"
"No, because he's really heavy"

FACT: God kills a kitten every time U masterbait.
FACT: Iv killed over a million kittens.

I jus figured out I have a masturbating problem. I did my laundry 2 days ago I still have plenty of clothes but Im out of socks.

Why does a chicken coop have only two doors?
If it had four, it would be a chicken sedan.

Is having sex with your 4th cousin ok????
Well I dont know if it is but I got tired of the other three.

{LINK REMOVED}http://www.efukt.com/20667_The_Prune_Brothers.html enjoy LOL

THE SAD LIFE OF A PENIS: I've only got 1 eye, my hairs a mess, my relatives are nuts, my neighbours an ♥♥♥♥♥♥♥, my best mates a ♥♥♥♥ and my owners a wanker!!!

called in sick today. Manager asked why? Doctor said I have Anal Blindness. Manager asked what's that? It's where I can't see my ass coming in to work today!

wife screams at her husband in the delivery room, "YOU DID THIS TO ME!", husband replies " I wanted to put it in your ass, and you said THAT would hurt

What dose an Eskimo get from sitting on ice for to long? Polariods

So if a special ed. kid is late to class twice dose the teacher get to mark him retardy?

How are women and tornadoes alike?

They both moan like hell when they come, and take the house when they leave.]

As an airplane is about to crash, a female passenger jumps up frantically and announces, "If I'm going to die, I want to die feeling like a woman."

She removes all her clothing and asks, "Is there someone on this plane who is man enough to make me feel like a woman?"

A man stands up, removes his shirt and says, "Here, iron this!".

A man and his wife go to their honeymoon hotel for their 25th anniversary. As the couple reflected on that magical evening 25 years ago, the wife asked the husband, "When you first saw my naked body in front of you, what was going through your mind?"

The husband replied, "All I wanted to do was to ♥♥♥♥ your brains out, and suck your tits dry."

Then, as the wife undressed, she asked, "What are you thinking now?"

He replied, "It looks as if I did a pretty good job."

Things You Don't Want to Hear During Surgery:

Oops!
Has anyone seen my watch?
That was some party last night. I can't remember when I've been that drunk.
Damn! Page 47 of the manual is missing!
Well this book doesn't say that... What edition is your manual?
OK, now take a picture from this angle. This is truly a freak of nature.
Better save that. We'll need it for the autopsy.
Wait a minute, if this is his spleen, then what's that?
Hand me that...uh...that uh.....thingie
If I can just remember how they did this on ER last week.
Hey, has anyone ever survived 500ml of this stuff before?
Ya know, there's big money in kidneys. Hell, the guy's got two of 'em.
Everybody stand back! I lost my contact lens!
What do you mean he wasn't in for a sex change!

Doctor: "I've got very bad news - you've got cancer and Alzheimer's"
Patient: "Well, at least I don't have cancer"

Worried woman: 'Doctor, I think I'm pregnant.'
Doctor: 'But I gave you the Pill.'
Worried woman: 'Yes, I know. But it keeps falling out.'

Why are burglars so relaxed?.............They like to take things easy.

What do you call a cow with no legs?.......Ground beef!

What does an agnostic dyslexic do when experiencing insomnia?

Sit up all night wondering if there really is a dog

How many babies does it take to paint a house?
Depends how hard you throw them.

What's the difference between a dead baby and a trampoline?
When you jump on a trampoline, you take your boots off.

Why did Snoop Dogg need an umbrella? Fo Drizzle

What do you call a cow that just gave birth to a calf?
"Decafinated"

do any of U use pandora radio if so U know those chump sellout ♥♥♥♥♥♥ are limiting your use an crammin ads down ur neck hole. which is why im advocating jango they kick pandoras ass

what do you say to a woman with two black eyes ?



Nothing,

u told the ♥♥♥♥♥ twice already.

A man was at a bar one night and saw a beautiful redhead sitting in the booth opposite him. After about 5 minutes, he got up the guts to go talk to her. Just as he sat down, she sneezed and her glass eye flew out from her socket.
On reflex, the guy shot out his arm and caught her eye and gave it back to her. They started talking and the redhead invited the man to go to a movie with her, then go back to her place for a nightcap. In the morning, she cooked him a big breakfast of bacon and eggs and the man said, "Why are you being incredibly nice to me? Is this the way you treat all men who start talking to you?"

The redhead replied, "No, you just happened to catch my eye!"

Two sisters, one blonde and one brunette, inherit the family ranch. Unfortunately, after just a few years, they are in financial trouble. They need to purchase a bull so that they can breed their own stock.
The brunette takes their last $600 dollars out west to another ranch where a man has a prize bull for sale. Upon leaving, she tells her sister, "When I get there, if I decide to buy the bull, I'll contact you to haul it home."
The brunette arrives at the man's ranch, inspects the bull, and decides she does want to buy it. The man tells her that he can sell it for $599. After paying him, she drives to town to send her sister a telegram to tell her the news. She walks into the telegraph office, and says, "I want to send a telegram to my sister telling her that I've bought a bull for our ranch. I need her to hitch the trailer to our pickup truck and drive out here so we can haul it home."

The telegraph operator explains that he'll be glad to help her, then adds, "It's just 99 cents a word."

Well, after paying for the bull, the brunette only has $1 left. She realizes that she'll only be able to send her sister one word.

After thinking for a few minutes, she nods, and says, "I want you to send her the word, 'comfortable.'"

The telegraph operator shakes his head. "How is she ever going to know that you want her to hitch the trailer to your pickup truck and drive out here to haul that bull back to your ranch if you send her the word, 'comfortable'?"

The brunette explains, "My sister's blonde."

"She'll read it very slow."

what do you call 5 black people hanging from a tree..?

Alabmama wind chime...



Whats does a ♥♥♥♥♥♥ and an apple have in common ..?



they both look good hanging from trees.

im sorry if i offended you ;)

get an extra pint so mother goes off to work, milkman comes and again he says i will give u 2 pints if u climb up the lamp post, without hesitating she climbs up again, the milkman very happy now gives her the free milk, mother comes home and daughter says ''mum i got free milk again by climbing up the lamp post '' the mother furious says to the daughter ''you stupid stupid girl i told you not to climb the lamp post all he wanted was to see your knickers'' to which the girl replied '' dont worry mum, i wasnt wearing none''

mother says to the daughter '' were short on milk today try and get anextra pint off the milkman'' so mum goes to work and the milkman comes, so the daughter says to the milkman ''it possible to get an extra pint plz'' so the milkman thought i can t take advantage of this situation seeing the girl was wearing a skirt he said to her'' i will give you 2 pintsof milk free if you climb up that lamp post'' the girl thought thats easy, mum will be happy so she hurried up the lamp post and come back down again and got her 2 free pints of milk, so the mother comes home and the daughter says
''mum i got 2 pints of milk free from the milkman''the mother said''free what did you do to get free milk '' and the daughter told how all she did was climb up the lamp post, the mother furious now says to her '' you stupid girl dont you know that he sent u up there so he could see your knickers'' the daughter replied ''sorry mum'' so few days passed and the mother again asks the daughter to...........

A pub just newly opened and the owners said to the punters '' if anyone can come out with a good name for the pub we will give u a free pint tommorow when we open'' so 1st guy says ''queens arms'' , owners say ''nah sounds crap'' 2nd person says ''queen vic'' owners say ''nah theres already 1 of them'' then a really drunk 3rd person shouted out ''the queens legs'' owners thought about it . liked it and decided to keep the name, the said to the man ''come tommorow and you can hav your free pint''
so the guywaits outside the next day to get his free drink, a policeman walks by and sees him looking suspicious and asks what you doin here outside the pub, to which the man replies ''im waiting for the queens legs to open so i can get a free pint''

After having their 11th child, an Alabama couple decided that was enough So the husband went to his doctor . The doctor instructed him to go home, get a cherry bomb, light it, put it in a beer can, then hold the can up to his ear and count to 10. The Alabamian said to the doctor, "I may not be the smartest man, but I don't see how putting a cherry bomb in a beer can next to my ear is going to help me." So, the couple drove to Georgia to get a second opinion. The Georgia physician was just about to tell them about the procedure for a vasectomy when he noticed that they were from Alabama. This doctor instead told the man to go home and get a cherry bomb, light it, place it in a beer can, hold it to his ear and count to 10. Figuring that both learned physicians couldn't be wrong, the man went home, lit a cherry bomb an began to count. "1, 2, 3, 4, 5 . . . . ", at which point he paused, placed the beer can between his legs and resumed counting on his other hand.

AP December 12, 1999 - The Energizer Bunny, known best for, "going and going and going..." passed away last evening at 12:42am.
Upon completion of the autopsy early this morning, the chief medical examiner ruled that the death was caused by acute cardiac arrest, induced by sexual over-stimulation.

Apparently, someone put the battery in backwards and the bunny kept coming and coming and coming,...

Foul play has not been ruled out.

Drinking a non alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin...sure it taste the same but it just ain't right!

A truck driver stops at a ♥♥♥♥♥ house
He tells the madam heres $500, give me 2 sandwichs, 2 cold beers, and the fattest, ugliest woman you have.

The madam replies, sir for $500 you can have any woman here.

The truck driver says I'm not here for sex, I'm home sick.

So there was this little boy who diden't know any bad words. The night before Thanksgiving the little boy heard his parents ♥♥♥♥♥♥♥.
The dad says ooo honey your tits are so hot....an the woman say ooo ♥♥♥♥ is soo huge....an the little boy walks in an says what are tits an ♥♥♥♥?
The parents caught embarassed an flustered say thats another word for hat an rain coat.The next day he an dad are in that bathroom, and dads shaving,and dad cuts himself an says ♥♥♥♥! The boy asks what ♥♥♥♥ mean? an dad says its another word for shaving. Go help your mom in the kitchen.
So the boys in the kitchen an moms cooking the turkey an she burns herself on the stove an says ♥♥♥♥! The little boy asks whats ♥♥♥♥ mean?
an the mom says its another word for cooking the turkey. The door bell rings an mom says go answer that its your grandparents.
The little boy says Hi hang your Tits an ♥♥♥♥ on the coat rack. Dads upstairs putting ♥♥♥♥ on his face,and moms in the kitchen ♥♥♥♥♥♥ the turkey.

What do you call a dead baby with no arms and no legs in a swimming pool?


Bob



Then a dead baby with no arms and no legs hanging on your wall must surely be?



You guessed it.....Art

This couple comes to a new town and the guy gets a job at the local pickle factory. A few years go by and each year he wins the employee of the year award. One day in the 3rd year, he comes home looking all depressed.His wife asks him what the matter is, to which he responds that he got fired.
"FIRED?!? How can you get fired, you're always employee of the year!!" she asked, stunned.
To this he responds that he had another fantasy that he needed to fulfill and it got him fired...
"Oh no, not again...What did you do this time?" she asks.
Well, I always fantasized about sticking my willy in the pickle slicer.
"You didn't!" she hoped.
He blushed and replied, "Well, yes I did."
Then she asks, "Did it hurt?"
"No no really," answers the man.
Puzzled she then asks, "Well what happened to the pickle slicer??"
He answers, "Oh, *she* got fired too!

I jus selected a new esteemed Player of the Week. Guess whos the the best??? Thats rite me ♥♥♥♥♥♥♥.

A 13 year old boy came home all happy.
His mom asked, "what did you do at school today hunny?"
"Oh i had sex with my teacher," he said calmly.
The mother began to scream and yell and sent him to his room till his father got home.
When the father came home the mother said distroutly and close to tears, "Go talk to your son...he had sex with his teacher today!!!!!!!!!"
The dad with the BIG grin on his face walked upstairs.
He asked his son what happened at school and the son told him.
The dad said, "son im so proud of u im going to get you that bike you have wanted."
They go out and buy the bike and the dad asked him if he wanted to ride it home and the son replied,
"Nah dad my bum is still sore."

Whats the difference between a dead baby and a lawn mower???

I dont own a lawn mower.

Whats the best thing about ♥♥♥♥♥♥♥ twenty three year olds?

What..?

Theres 20 of them..

Clem drove his pickup alongside the road and showed his buddy Jed where he'd first had sex. "It was right down there by that there tree. I remember it plain as day. It was a warm summer day... We were madly in love... We made our way down to that the tree and made love for hours," explained Clem.

"That sounds amazing," exclaimed Jed.

"Yep, it was goin' real well until I looked up and saw her momma standing right there watching us..."

"Damn, what did her momma say when she saw you puttin' it to her daughter?" "Baaaaa..."