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Team Fortress Two 2013年2月20日 16時47分

Jokes Thread

Post a joke for everyone to share beautiful laughter on. Please try posting as often as you want, so people can have a laugh every now and then. Because we need to brighten up this dark and dull world. :)

Adults, on average, get 17 laughs a day; babies get around 400. And babies don't get depressed; so be like babies.

Allowed :
~ jokes / one liners
~ anti-jokes
~ pictures (are images even allowed on the forum?)
~ videos (however realize many people won't click videos, like me)
~ double posting

Nothing :
~ inappropriate / sexual
~ offensive / insulting
~ racist / blondes / yo mama / etc

If you are going to comment, please post a joke along with it. Feel free to post multiple jokes on the same post.

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How do you stop a charging rhino? Unplug it.

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What is green and has wheels? Grass, I lied about the wheels.

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The Classic (for those who haven't heard it) :

Two hunters are out in the woods when one of them collapses. He doesn't seem to be breathing and his eyes are glazed. The other guy whips out his phone and calls the emergency services. He gasps, "My friend is dead! What can I do?" The operator says "Calm down. I can help. First, let's make sure he's dead." There is a silence, then a gun shot is heard. Back on the phone, the guy says "OK, now what?"

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I want to die peacefully in my sleep, like my grandfather...

Not screaming and yelling like the passengers in his car.

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A bus station is where a bus stops.
A train station is where a train stops.

On my desk, I have a work station.

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Why couldn't Tommy pick up the bunny?

Because the bunny was schizophrenic and Tommy wasn't real.

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I asked God for a bike, but I know God doesn't work that way. So I stole a bike and asked for forgiveness.

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[guy] - Why did the chicken cross the road?

[friend] - uuuh..... To get to the other side?

[guy] - To get the crazy man's house.

[friend] - um... okay?

[guy] - Knock Knock.

[friend] - Who's there?

[guy] - the chicken

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children :
You spend the first 2 years of their life teaching them to walk and talk.
Then you spend the next 16 years telling them to sit down and shut-up.

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A New York man left the snow-filled streets of NYC for a vacation in Florida. His wife was on a business trip and was planning to meet him there the next day. When he reached his hotel he decided to send his wife a quick email.

Unfortunately, when typing her email address, he missed one letter, and his note was directed instead to an elderly preacher’s wife whose husband had passed away only the day before. When the grieving widow checked her email, she took one look at the monitor, let out a piercing scream, and fell to the floor in a dead faint. At the sound, her family rushed into the room and saw this note on the screen :

Dearest Wife,

Just got checked in. Everything prepared for your arrival tomorrow.
P.S. Sure is hot down here.

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student – “Would you punish me for something I didn’t do?”
teacher – “Of course not.”
student – “Good, because I didn't do my homework.”

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Better to remain silent and be thought a fool, than to speak and remove all doubt.

最近の変更はTeam Fortress Twoが行いました; 2013年2月20日 16時50分

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16-30 / 62 のコメントを表示

Cametron5000 2013年7月2日 19時19分

iamtheviru の投稿を引用：
poodlenoodles の投稿を引用：
Knock Knock

Who's there?

George Zimmerman

George Zimmerman who?

Good, you're on the jury

HAHAHA! DEM CRAZY LAWYER JOKES!
nice haha

yes, "I figured you would be the perfect audience for joke"

最近の変更はCametron5000が行いました; 2013年7月2日 19時20分

#16

5st 2013年7月2日 19時22分

chuck norris is so fast htat he can run around the world twice and punch hemself in the bak of the head.

#17

Cametron5000 2013年7月2日 19時26分

Chuck Norris once killed two stones with one bird

Jesus could walk on water, but Chuck Norris can swim through land

Chuck Norris once urinated in the gas tank of a semi truck. That truck is now known as Optimus Prime

Chuck Norris can slam a revolving door

Chuck Norris has already been to Mars, that's why there are no signs of life

Chuck Norris can win a game of checkers by saying "Checkmate"

#18

Lysistratus Chrysanthos 2013年7月2日 19時27分

25% of people make up a quarter of the population.

#19

Cametron5000 2013年7月2日 19時28分

Not a joke, but did you know that 80% of people consider themselves to be above average drivers?

#20

Cordax 2013年7月2日 19時50分

Sindy fell off the swings, because she had no arms.

Me: Knock, Knock.

Other: Who's there?

Me: Not Sindy.

#21

Cordax 2013年7月2日 19時51分

Chuck Norris counted to Infinity, twice.

#22

Quntos 2013年7月2日 22時33分

Knock knock
Who's there?
Boo.
Boo who?
Don't cry it's just a joke!

#23

Erased 2013年7月2日 22時36分

♫SickBeats♫ turntechGodhead の投稿を引用：
Knock knock
Who's there?
Boo.
Boo who?
Don't cry it's just a joke!

hah!

#24

Team Fortress Two 2013年7月3日 5時30分

how to annoy somebody :

~ Knock Knock.

Who's there?

~ Knock Knock.

Who's there.

~ Knock Knock.

*frustrated* WHOS THERE!

~ Knock Knock.

*leaves*

*calls him/her back*

~ "You're supposed to say 'Knock Knock who?' "

"oh"

~ Knock Knock.

Who's there?

~ Knock Knock.

Knock Knock who?

~ Who's there?

*they leave*

最近の変更はTeam Fortress Twoが行いました; 2013年7月3日 5時31分

#25