Have you ever known what its like to really be alone?

[Rio]

I don't mean alone as in none of your friend or family showed up one day. But alone as in, you can't think of a single person that cares about you on the planet.

Maybe people heard that you had died, and they cheered. Or they tell you they'd love it if you disappeared, or had disappeared when you got sick or hurt and recovered from it.

[Birds]

Αναρτήθηκε αρχικά από ⛧:

Αναρτήθηκε αρχικά από Birds:

I highly doubt any of you were ever truly alone.

Oh I was, its where my multi personality came from I think. I was so alone my brain could handle it, so it made me not alone anymore. And after it I felt never alone, I felt watched all the time and had paranoia as a kid.

had multi personality
had brain looking out for you
had conscious control of your body
prlly got to sit in a cozy ♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥ shack with other people in it
got to emotionally respond to being hit
got to be abused
people noticed when you were replaced with a lookalike, i'm sure of it.

not the same.

[Nülliflower]

Αναρτήθηκε αρχικά από WarHeRo:

Αναρτήθηκε αρχικά από Nülliflower:

mhm, we know that much since god does hate us and also he wont leave us alone no matter how much we tell him to stop it with the beatings.
GOD: "Null, SON of MAN, the BEATINGS will CONTINUE until MORALE IMPROVES."
Me: "Oh No!!! Not Again!!! Haven't We Had Enough!!?"
and well thats the story of my life i guess.

what makes u think that there is a GOD. If there is a GOD why would he care about you?

because i'm his personal sex doll and punching bag, duh.

[WarHeRo]

Αναρτήθηκε αρχικά από ⛧:

Αναρτήθηκε αρχικά από WarHeRo:

Being invisible is common for men at some point in life.

Yeah, a lot of guys wanna be girls for attention and hope in life.

tell an individual they are crazy for 40 time, they will believe you

[WarHeRo]

Αναρτήθηκε αρχικά από Nülliflower:

Αναρτήθηκε αρχικά από WarHeRo:

what makes u think that there is a GOD. If there is a GOD why would he care about you?

because i'm his personal sex doll and punching bag, duh.

good one.

[Nülliflower]

Αναρτήθηκε αρχικά από ⛧:

Αναρτήθηκε αρχικά από Nülliflower:

oh, i dunno. what men do you torment? i don't torment anyone and get tormented in return, because not tormenting others is not a very manly thing to do. after all, god, the great tormentor himself, is male.

Oh my, you sound as though you really dislike your gender, if you are male.

yea the negative impact this unwanted manhead has had on my life is not to be underestimated.

[Birds]

Αναρτήθηκε αρχικά από ⛧:

Yeah birds, I used to think I was possessed or cursed because I could become someone else that was really mean.

Like some great wrong was done to me by life and god. And when I was this person, I made others pay for it and tried to feel like a god myself through making others fear for their lives and be helpless under my control.

just projecting again, idk why i bother

[WarHeRo]

Αναρτήθηκε αρχικά από ⛧:

Yeah birds, I used to think I was possessed or cursed because I could become someone else that was really mean.

Like some great wrong was done to me by life and god. And when I was this person, I made others pay for it and tried to feel like a god myself through making others fear for their lives and be helpless under my control.

Like a switch I could go from someone that would do terrible things for fun. Then be a person that was going "Why? Why? Why did I do this?"

thats called manic depression. u r not possessed or cursed, u r just mentally unstable

[Birds]

Αναρτήθηκε αρχικά από ⛧:

Αναρτήθηκε αρχικά από Birds:

just projecting again, idk why i bother

Idk what else you want me to do, your prior post looked like random things.

you've made a habit of responding to my presence with hostility and attempts at manipulation, control, and self-assertion.

if any of your self-righteous scriptures were getting absorbed maybe you'd be able to leave me alone.

[bisder]

Αναρτήθηκε αρχικά από Fake:

Being Alone =/= Being Lonely

There is a difference.

Yep. Not having someone who represents you, protects you, nurtures you, teaches you or loves you as a child is alone. Being abused by people who were supposed to protect you and teach you when no one would listen to you is alone. Having no one to turn to when literally every day of your life is torture is alone. Living your life in fear because someone might find out the truth is alone. Pretending to be someone you aren't most of your life to satisfy the many tyrants throughout who would easily throw you away just the same is alone. Being betrayed by your family, your fellow man, authority, our institutions, your own creator...and out of fear of rejection fearing letting your best friends get to actually know you...it's alone. Sitting in a hospital hooked up to a machine half dead facing nothing but your own mortality...it is alone.

[WarHeRo]

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Αναρτήθηκε αρχικά από WarHeRo:

thats called manic depression. u r not possessed or cursed, u r just mentally unstable

No, This was when I go a bit better. Before that it was full blackouts. Where I had no memory of what I did or that I even had blackouts. I figured it out one day when I was in the kitchen at night and saw a shadow figure reaching for me that terrified me and the next instant I was in my bedroom, sitting up in bed.

I saw and felt things as a kid that weren't really there. And all the paranoia, the never feeling alone. And at points being like a mediator in my head with different selves. And at points having fights over control of my body.

now it sounds like a mix of schizophrenia and dissociative identity disorder (DID). i never met anyone one who has DID, but schizophrenia is very common. u take some pills and it is fixed. paranoia on the other hand can only be fixed by yourself.

[bisder]

Αναρτήθηκε αρχικά από WarHeRo:

Αναρτήθηκε αρχικά από ⛧:

No, This was when I go a bit better. Before that it was full blackouts. Where I had no memory of what I did or that I even had blackouts. I figured it out one day when I was in the kitchen at night and saw a shadow figure reaching for me that terrified me and the next instant I was in my bedroom, sitting up in bed.

I saw and felt things as a kid that weren't really there. And all the paranoia, the never feeling alone. And at points being like a mediator in my head with different selves. And at points having fights over control of my body.

now it sounds like a mix of schizophrenia and dissociative identity disorder (DID). i never met anyone one who has DID, but schizophrenia is very common. u take some pills and it is fixed. paranoia on the other hand can only be fixed by yourself.

Trauma victims and those with ptsd dissociate. You don't have to have DID specifically diagnosed to have that symptom. I've dealt with it since I was young, gets worse the more stress I'm under. Paranoia is also a symptom of trauma and ptsd, that can be treated.

[WarHeRo]

Αναρτήθηκε αρχικά από ⛧:

...cuz I watched my mom die when I was 4. And she was all I knew in life, so when she died I went like "I don't know anyone, no one cares about me on this planet" and I just thought over it and this feeling of being alone stronger than I had ever known and then suddenly I didn't feel alone, I felt surrounded...

this happened to a friend of mine too. now recently also watched their gramps pass in front of their eyes. it turned into schizophrenia and paranoia for them. pills helped with the schizophrenia but now it turned into manic depression instead, or more specifically split personalities but without memory loss.

Αναρτήθηκε αρχικά από bisder🎗:

Trauma victims and those with ptsd dissociate. You don't have to have DID specifically diagnosed to have that symptom. I've dealt with it since I was young, gets worse the more stress I'm under. Paranoia is also a symptom of trauma and ptsd, that can be treated.

the thing with mental diseases is, u can be treated, for sure; but it cannot be cured. also isolating urself makes it worse. u can get the best treatment on earth, but if u refuse giving up the things that make u sick in the first place (bad habits, being stubborn, etc.) u cannot overcome it.

[apathy]

I used to go outside or online looking for friends.

Only to find they are all either attention wh0res like Nikocado Avocado, or macho men simping for David Beckham. No clue where the girls all are, probably abducted by TikTok or something.

So I'm no stranger to being alone. I can't even be sure this conversation we're having right now is real.

[Birds]

I was pretty alone in the well.

Αναρτήθηκε αρχικά από ⛧:

Like one time I went over my neighbors house who I really liked and tried to be friendly with and playful. And he nearly broke my arm. Telling me to never come back. and I never knew why until I was like 20. Because my brother told me what I had done.

And I just went... I can't believe it, thats not like me at all.

It was literally your past self projecting through time to control your body. It's a lot less helpless possession and al ot more not wanting to take responsiblity for your past self.

And just I had other issues like sudden selective amnesia. Like taking a math class and get Bs in it then mid way through the course, suddenly forgetting everything.

Yeah, you were trying to isolate yourself and also fake having a mental illness.

Just failing math again and again. Because I'd forget everything.

Sucks to be the future version of a bad person.

Like I was being punished by another self. For I wanted to be an engineer and you need math for that.

right why be an engineer when you can be Eris, chaos queen of the lads.

Αναρτήθηκε αρχικά από ⛧:

Αναρτήθηκε αρχικά από WarHeRo:

now it sounds like a mix of schizophrenia and dissociative identity disorder (DID). i never met anyone one who has DID, but schizophrenia is very common. u take some pills and it is fixed. paranoia on the other hand can only be fixed by yourself.

I don't really consider myself as schizophrenia. When I say I saw things I mainly mean "In my mind's eye" But DID is multi personality. and yeah I think I had it, still kinda do I think. I was given a psychologist when I was 4-5 I think, cuz I watched my mom die when I was 4. And she was all I knew in life, so when she died I went like "I don't know anyone, no one cares about me on this planet" and I just thought over it and this feeling of being alone stronger than I had ever known and then suddenly I didn't feel alone, I felt surrounded.

The paranoia I made peace with, after so many years where nothing happened I just accepted I'll always feel like a camera is watching me.

you mean because you got taken advantage of by some criminals, because you had fantastical and childish ideas of becoming a professional gangster after 'proving' yourself to them, and pretending to have a mental illness was the only way out for everyone involved.

[Birds]

it's just an insane robot torturing you with physical manifestations of your past and its own projections of helplessness and powerlessness.

you localized control to yourself, became your own person, and escaped your past self.

It would be so amazing if that worked for me.