Best Joke you have heard .

[Mufasa]

keep me entertained for a bit....

[The Dark Knight]

you

[MOM]

How did the gum cross the road?

It was stuck to the chickens foot

[chiefputsilao✖️ping]

i (boy) once fell in love with a friend (girl). i told her my feelings and she said we could only be friends.
(does this qualify as a joke? )

my car is a kia rio. after a bridge partially collapsed due to massive rains and rising floodwater, i was forced to commute (bus) to a nearby city. all the windows of the bus were closed. then somebody farted. time froze. 5 minutes of hell.
(i wish it were mine but damn, it was not me.)

[Randy GaySexy]

Publicado originalmente por chiefputsi:

i (boy) once fell in love with a friend (girl). i told her my feelings and she said we could only be friends.
(does this qualify as a joke? )

my car is a kia rio. after a bridge partially collapsed due to massive rains and rising floodwater, i was forced to commute (bus) to a nearby city. all the windows of the bus were closed. then somebody farted. time froze. 5 minutes of hell.
(i wish it were mine but damn, it was not me.)

being friendzoned is no joke.

sux 4 u dood

[Rem Lezar]

I did it all for the nookie

[Mecha Carny]

5 Bandits share their adventures in a bar.
Bandit 1: But when I saw him, I said "A nuuu..."
Bandit 2: Then what?
Bandit 1: "...Cheeki Breeki..."
*bar chatter on the background*
Bandit 1: "...I V DAMKE!"
*The whole bar bursts into laughter*

[}{A4iPurik]

lol

[3t]

Publicado originalmente por Mufasa:

keep me entertained for a bit....

Hey

Wanna ♥♥♥♥ a horse?

It's a STABLE relationship

[AzCro]

While playing in the backyard, Little Johnny kills a honeybee. His father sees him killing the honeybee and angrily says, "No honey for you for one month!" Later that afternoon, Johnny's dad catches him tearing the wings off a butterfly. "That's it! No butter for you for one month!" says his dad. Later that evening as Johnny's mother cooks dinner, a cockroach run across the kitchen floor. She jumps and stomps on it, and then looks up to find Little Johnny and her husband watching her. Little Johnny looks at his father and says, "Are you going to tell her, Dad, or do you want me to?

[3t]

Why couldn't the chicken cross the road?

Because it was disabled.

[Uncouth Ruffian]

how many webcomic artist's dose it take to scew in a lightbulb 1 to promise to do it every week
another to not do it at all

[The Screaming Creamer]

How do you make a plumber cry?

You murder his entire family.

[Happy Tobaccy]

Why did the dolphin cross the ocean?

Because it was packed in a tuna can and sent to Japan

[Quick!SaveTheChildren]

1) This was from an English teacher a long time ago:



There's a bar up on the upper floor of a high rise tower, and a man with chiseled features sits alone nursing his drink at the counter. Another man enters the bar and sits down right beside him, calls the bartender over and orders a drink, and tries to start up a conversation with the first man, several times.

The first man tries to ignore him but after a while finally turns to the second man and asks, "Hey, did you know this bar is special?"

"How do you mean?" asks the second man.

"Well," the first man replies, "there is a constant updraft just outside past that balcony over there. If you jump off the ledge, the winds will bring you right back up."

The second man exclaimed, "That sounds unbelievable!"

"I'll show you." The first man gets up, strides over to the balcony, and with one movement vaults over the railing, legs first, and jumps off. Moments later, he comes floating back up, and climbs back over the railing to safety. "Give it a try."

The second man nods excitedly and he too, swings legs over the railing and jumps off. A few seconds later, the sounds of screams were heard before they blended with the big city din.

Calmly, the first man passes through the balcony door and slides the glass door shut, then walks back to the counter and his drink.

The bartender, drying some highball glasses, looks up at him and remarks, "You know, Superman, you're a real douche when you're drunk."






2) A lot shorter from the same teacher:


You hear about the farmer with the smelly thumbs? [Put thumbs under armpits] Welp, it's a lonnnnnng story!



The stupidest jokes I've ever heard but for some reason I still remember them after all this time.

[3t]

Publicado originalmente por ohcbelac:

Why did the dolphin cross the ocean?

Because it was packed in a tuna can and sent to Japan

Das lacist