Why do drunk men target me?

[Sugarcube Battery]

Not sure why but I’m the first thing that comes to their mind when they get drunk. They get mean or flirty. Completely nice people when sober.

This keeps happening again and again. Just leave me alone!

Edit: to clarify. It’s men I’ve known for a while and gotten along. Just one day they get drunk and turn into a different person. They zero in on me for some reason.

[Sugarcube Battery]

ToTokyo!님이 먼저 게시:

Stop hanging around places where drunk men congregate.

I don’t. I’m alcohol intolerant and I don’t like crowds. I don’t really go to these places. These men come and find me when they get drunk. They congregate in my DMs.

[76561199799407472]

You can chalk this op up to it never happened.

[Sugarcube Battery]

SympliKrazi님이 먼저 게시:

Sugarcube Battery님이 먼저 게시:

Then, why don't they go harass the other 2 legged people especially the single ones who hook up?

do you not have two legs when they are drunk?

ToTokyo!님이 먼저 게시:

Stop hanging around places where drunk men congregate.

Women tend to enjoy attention from men, but it's men's fault when they get drunk and handsy

it both their fault, imo.

Women should probably not incentivize
and men should keep their hands to themselves, ethically speaking

Why are you all assuming I’m going to places where drunk men hang out? I am not talking about cases where you go to a club and random drunk dudes hit on you. I clarified in my OP that it’s men I already knew. That means they have ways to contact me and they use those channels to talk to me when drunk.

[Sugarcube Battery]

it's me님이 먼저 게시:

What's the specific context(s) in which you meet and come to know these men?

When I first met them, they were not drunk. It’s usually via mutual friends. These people were normal and nice at least for a while and in some cases years even. Most of them I wouldn’t consider as friends. Just people I know and get along with. One day they would show up drunk to usual hangouts or they would DM me. That’s when the tone changes.

TGC> The Games Collector님이 먼저 게시:

No idea what's up with that.
Do they at least have any regrets afterwards?
Or do they just think it's okay to act like that because drunk?

Some are regretful and apologetic. That doesn’t mean they never do it again though. Others shift the responsibility on me to avoid/ignore them. A few just seem to think they have a right to act this way when drunk and they don't seem to feel any guilt. I just cut off that kind immediately.

In the past I used to feel bad for people with substance issues and I tried to tolerate. It’s also because I thought it’s just a particular person. Now that I keep seeing this pattern towards me from more men, I am just tired of it.

[L1qu1dator]

Alcohol lowers inhibitions, their true thoughts come out.

[Adept]

you should wear a hidden camera at all times. Record him and then contact your local news station with the footage.

[Sugarcube Battery]

L1qu1dator님이 먼저 게시:

Alcohol lowers inhibitions, their true thoughts come out.

Well, if they can't stand me, they shouldn't hang out with me at all when sober.

[Plaid]

drunk men are known for their bad aim. Except for those who are trained alcoholics


Take that how you will

[Sugarcube Battery]

Plaid님이 먼저 게시:

drunk men are known for their bad aim. Except for those who are trained alcoholics


Take that how you will

You must elaborate!

[pants]

Sugarcube Battery님이 먼저 게시:

it's me님이 먼저 게시:

What's the specific context(s) in which you meet and come to know these men?

When I first met them, they were not drunk. It’s usually via mutual friends. These people were normal and nice at least for a while and in some cases years even. Most of them I wouldn’t consider as friends. Just people I know and get along with. One day they would show up drunk to usual hangouts or they would DM me. That’s when the tone changes.

In that case, they're just not good people. When sober, they see you as submissive, and they sexualise you. For whatever reason. When they're drunk they're doing the same. They just need an excuse for why they start saying it out loud.

And the reason they're saying it out loud is not because they're drunk, or whatever. It's not because they no longer have a filter. It's because they see you as vulnerable to them when they have a convenient excuse that excuses their being more forward about it. They see themselves as having a chance and something that mitigates the risk of taking that chance.

The apologetic behaviour after the fact is because they want your forgiveness so they can get another chance at it. You do right by by cutting them off.

They might do it from a place of deep loneliness, or whatever, but it never makes it right; and nigh universally, socially competent and mentally well men, learn to direct their feelings of loneliness in much more productive ways, rather than chasing after attached women they don't really know that well based on some ♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥ vibe they aren't even giving off. Because they "touch the grass" (of socialisation) and actually interact with other human beings on a meaningful level.

I have no solution, unfortunately, and no advice. But analyze how you come into contact with these people and why they are mutual acquaintances or friends of people you are much closer with.

I mean, I don't want to be friends with some sadsack who keeps getting drunk and fawning over taken women he has no chance with.

[Sugarcube Battery]

it's me님이 먼저 게시:

Sugarcube Battery님이 먼저 게시:

When I first met them, they were not drunk. It’s usually via mutual friends. These people were normal and nice at least for a while and in some cases years even. Most of them I wouldn’t consider as friends. Just people I know and get along with. One day they would show up drunk to usual hangouts or they would DM me. That’s when the tone changes.

In that case, they're just not good people. When sober, they see you as submissive, and they sexualise you. For whatever reason. When they're drunk they're doing the same. They just need an excuse for why they start saying it out loud.

And the reason they're saying it out loud is not because they're drunk, or whatever. It's not because they no longer have a filter. It's because they see you as vulnerable to them when they have a convenient excuse that excuses their being more forward about it. They see themselves as having a chance and something that mitigates the risk of taking that chance.

The apologetic behaviour after the fact is because they want your forgiveness so they can get another chance at it. You do right by by cutting them off.

They might do it from a place of deep loneliness, or whatever, but it never makes it right; and nigh universally, socially competent and mentally well men, learn to direct their feelings of loneliness in much more productive ways, rather than chasing after attached women they don't really know that well based on some ♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥ vibe they aren't even giving off. Because they "touch the grass" (of socialisation) and actually interact with other human beings on a meaningful level.

I have no solution, unfortunately, and no advice. But analyze how you come into contact with these people and why they are mutual acquaintances or friends of people you are much closer with.

I mean, I don't want to be friends with some sadsack who keeps getting drunk and fawning over taken women he has no chance with.

Very thoughtful answer. Thank you.

I think me being Asian could be playing a part. I personally don't view myself as submissive but that doesn't mean others won't view me that way. There are other (taken) women in the social group and they don't get this treatment.

Overall, I have been trying to cut people like that off on first strike and slowly distancing myself from social groups like that where others sort of close their eyes on this kind of behavior. It's just difficult to cut all ties because I value some of the friendships.