My mother in law is extremely annoying.

[Tiberius]

My mother in law is extremely annoying.

I try to make this as simple as possible.

- She is a very bad cook, no one really likes 95% of her food, yet she keeps complaining about my food, which literally everyone enjoys! I am not self-praising me but I am indeed a good cook.

- She keeps telling me I am fat and have to lose weight, yet she gained weight herself.

- She is now a refugee in my country as we decided to help her leave a war zone, yet she constantly complains about my country and culture, while this country and the people her gave her more help and support (her own flat, free medical care, extra money on her account) than her own country ever gave her.

- She had plenty of chances to get a job so she does not live off government support of a country she never contributed anything to, yet constantly refuses work and just enjoys her time in town, going to cinemas, museums and so on, laughing in my face when I ask her when she wants to apply for a job.

- She dismisses every piece of advise her daughter and me give her.

- They bad mouths us with other people they know, claiming things that are simply not true at all, such as claiming we kicked them out of our home, which is not true at all. We from the beginning agreed on a time they would stay with us in our small flat until they find their own place or rather until the government finds them a place lol.

- She does not know how to behave at all, she slurps on the table, answers irrelevant phone calls while we are all eating together, is constantly several hours too late letting us wait but claims people in my country are uncivilised and primitive, which is something I can rather say about her and her country to be honest, but I don't because I am respectful.

- She was supposed to take my father in law with her out of the war zone, yet she lied to him saying : " Sry mate, car is full " which is not even true. Now he is locked there at risk getting drafted any day and wasted on a frontline.


I could continue this list with much nastier stuff from the past, but I am gonna just stick to what I personally encounter....



Also, I am as objective as possible here, I have not over exaggarated anything or made things up, since this would not help me at all getting your opinion.


So what is your take on that ? Am I the idiot here who is not tolerant or is she seriously being a problem ?
By the way, her daughter (my wife) shares my exact same opinion and is also constantly frustrated about it. She now does not visit very often, but when she does, there is always something to get triggered about where I really have to control myself to not go into an endless rant. Lucky her I don't really speak her language...

[Good Night Owl]

I didn't read everything, but it sounds like you have a laundry list of things to talk about. And it also sounds like these issues haven't been actually discussed with her? Directly with her I mean, making sure you convey that you understand her perspective, while also making yours very clear. I would definitely address each issue, but at separate times to work things out. I definitely wouldn't jumble the topics, or it will turn into a mess.

[Pieshaman]

maybe become a dutch person and just tell her straight up whats what without going around it.
after you done that you just ignore her.

[Tiberius]

Originally posted by Good Night Owl:

I didn't read everything, but it sounds like you have a laundry list of things to talk about. And it also sounds like these issues haven't been actually discussed with her? Directly with her I mean, making sure you convey that you understand her perspective, while also making yours very clear. I would definitely address each issue, but at separate times to work things out. I definitely wouldn't jumble the topics, or it will turn into a mess.

We have spoken to hear about stuff various times before.
It usually ends up by her starting to cry and run out of the flat before any decent arguments have been expressed lol.

Trust me my friend, if a normal conversation would be possible with her, these issues would not persist, but she simply avoids conversations at all times and IF we manage to " not make her cry " its a case of " It goes into one ear and leaves out the other ear immediately ".

I have no idea how to deal with this. I was told that I should just accept the way she is, but as you can imagine, its quite hard having someone in your family visiting you, that is so problematic and has so many " flaws " triggering you.
I manage to behave polite and respectful with her, but its not easy considering some stuff she pulls.

She is just socially off, no idea how else to describe it.

Our first approach was trying to help her, to seriously help her with her life, but if you are only walked over and insulted and degraded for being a bad daughter or bad son in law because you don't want to become her personal slave and cash machine, then there is a line that needs to be drawn.
I have a small child, I have responsibility for it and can't take care of a 50+ years old woman who is simply too lazy to work and become independent.

[Tiberius]

Originally posted by Pieshaman:

maybe become a dutch person and just tell her straight up whats what without going around it.
after you done that you just ignore her.

I am German. We are a lot more straight forward than our brothers in the netherlands. I have done all this already, no effect sadly.

And how am I supposed to ignore the mother of my wife ? If she comes into my flat ? This only works to a certain extend...

[Pieshaman]

Originally posted by Altai:

Originally posted by Pieshaman:

maybe become a dutch person and just tell her straight up whats what without going around it.
after you done that you just ignore her.

I am German. We are a lot more straight forward than our brothers in the netherlands. I have done all this already, no effect sadly.

And how am I supposed to ignore the mother of my wife ? If she comes into my flat ? This only works to a certain extend...

changing locks can be done within a day.

[TwisterCat]

Getting some Reddit Deja Vu. Nothing you did, it's just the whole... story...

Anyways, I'd get her a nice gift. Doesn't like me, I'd give her at least a few reasons to.

[Scania 133 H]

[Tiberius]

Originally posted by Pieshaman:

Originally posted by Altai:

I am German. We are a lot more straight forward than our brothers in the netherlands. I have done all this already, no effect sadly.

And how am I supposed to ignore the mother of my wife ? If she comes into my flat ? This only works to a certain extend...

changing locks can be done within a day.

I can't forbid my wife to see her mother, lol.

Its not my place to do so.

[Pieshaman]

Originally posted by Altai:

Originally posted by Pieshaman:

changing locks can be done within a day.

I can't forbid my wife to see her mother, lol.

Its not my place to do so.

well why not invite her to sleep in between you then.
might as well go all in if you not willing to be a man.

[Icecream1973]

.... christ, dude. Your mother in law sounds like an extremely manipulative, egoistic, anti-social, individual, highly likely with a wide aray of undiagnosed mental health issues. People like her, will never, ever change - unless she is forcefully committed & treated.

Straight to the point: your mother in law will be sucking all life + draining all energy from your wife, you & your child, until the day she leaves this earth.

I wonder why your wife didn't warn you her mother was a demon directly spawned from the deepest gates of hell: leaving her husband in a war zone & saving herself takes a really special breed of person..... but in any case, unfortunately you let this "wonderfull piece" wander into your life & family, this makes things really, really complicated...... situations like this always end BAD.

Personally I think all this eventually comes to a point that your wife needs to decide to choose for her direct family: her husband & child OR her mother.

I just say this:
Better end things swiftly with pain, then SUFFER endless pain.

Good luck.

PS: be mindfull you and your wife run a high risk of completely burning out..... also got a small child mate, I would keep your mother in law as far away possible from your child, as she will try to manipulative your child from the day she put her claws onto him/her..... Also mental health issues can run in the family, so hopefully your wife & child will not be affected by this in the future.

[kilésengati]

That's bad, mate. I hope for you that the apple didn't fall close to the stem.

Maybe it needs your father-in-law to put her straight. Ukraine is just a 24-hour drive away, resting not included. But then again, maybe they'll just gang up on you, who knows.

[Tiberius]

Originally posted by Icecream1973:

.... christ, dude. Your mother in law sounds like an extremely manipulative, egoistic, anti-social, individual, highly likely with a wide aray of undiagnosed mental health issues. People like her, will never, ever change - unless she is forcefully committed & treated.

Straight to the point: your mother in law will be sucking all life + draining all energy from your wife, you & your child, until the day she leaves this earth.

I wonder why your wife didn't warn you her mother was a demon directly spawned from the deepest gates of hell: leaving her husband in a war zone & saving herself takes a really special breed of person..... but in any case, unfortunately you let this "wonderfull piece" wander into your life & family, this makes things really, really complicated...... situations like this always end BAD.

Personally I think all this eventually comes to a point that your wife needs to decide to choose for her direct family: her husband & child OR her mother.

I just say this:
Better end things swiftly with pain, then SUFFER endless pain.

Good luck.

PS: be mindfull you and your wife run a high risk of completely burning out..... also got a small child mate, I would keep your mother in law as far away possible from your child, as she will try to manipulative your child from the day she put her claws onto him/her..... Also mental health issues can run in the family, so hopefully your wife & child will not be affected by this in the future.

My words. Trust me, she has treated my wife a lot worse before I came into her life, reaching from stealing all money off of her bank account up until neglecting her for years leaving her behind with her gran.

Luckily we only rarely meet her, but when we do or I hear stories, its pretty triggering.

I think my wife takes this with somewhat of a humour not taking her mother seriously at all. Thats the good thing.

Originally posted by kilésengati:

That's bad, mate. I hope for you that the apple didn't fall close to the stem.

Maybe it needs your father-in-law to put her straight. Ukraine is just a 24-hour drive away, resting not included. But then again, maybe they'll just gang up on you, who knows.

My father and law and her are divorced but she still even has control over him, to the extend that he never or super rarely only speaks up against her unfortunately. I assume he knows best that there is no point in it. lol.

Originally posted by Pieshaman:

Originally posted by Altai:

I can't forbid my wife to see her mother, lol.

Its not my place to do so.

well why not invite her to sleep in between you then.
might as well go all in if you not willing to be a man.

lmao, she tried to hit on me various times. So thats not even too far fetched.

[Anomalous ⁧ 󠁳 ⁧Anonymous]

try to convince your wife to cut her off your lives

[Icecream1973]

Originally posted by Altai:

Originally posted by Icecream1973:

.... christ, dude. Your mother in law sounds like an extremely manipulative, egoistic, anti-social, individual, highly likely with a wide aray of undiagnosed mental health issues. People like her, will never, ever change - unless she is forcefully committed & treated.

Straight to the point: your mother in law will be sucking all life + draining all energy from your wife, you & your child, until the day she leaves this earth.

I wonder why your wife didn't warn you her mother was a demon directly spawned from the deepest gates of hell: leaving her husband in a war zone & saving herself takes a really special breed of person..... but in any case, unfortunately you let this "wonderfull piece" wander into your life & family, this makes things really, really complicated...... situations like this always end BAD.

Personally I think all this eventually comes to a point that your wife needs to decide to choose for her direct family: her husband & child OR her mother.

I just say this:
Better end things swiftly with pain, then SUFFER endless pain.

Good luck.

PS: be mindfull you and your wife run a high risk of completely burning out..... also got a small child mate, I would keep your mother in law as far away possible from your child, as she will try to manipulative your child from the day she put her claws onto him/her..... Also mental health issues can run in the family, so hopefully your wife & child will not be affected by this in the future.

My words. Trust me, she has treated my wife a lot worse before I came into her life, reaching from stealing all money off of her bank account up until neglecting her for years leaving her behind with her gran.

Luckily we only rarely meet her, but when we do or I hear stories, its pretty triggering.

I think my wife takes this with somewhat of a humour not taking her mother seriously at all. Thats the good thing.

Originally posted by kilésengati:

That's bad, mate. I hope for you that the apple didn't fall close to the stem.

Maybe it needs your father-in-law to put her straight. Ukraine is just a 24-hour drive away, resting not included. But then again, maybe they'll just gang up on you, who knows.

My father and law and her are divorced but she still even has control over him, to the extend that he never or super rarely only speaks up against her unfortunately. I assume he knows best that there is no point in it. lol.

Originally posted by Pieshaman:

well why not invite her to sleep in between you then.
might as well go all in if you not willing to be a man.

lmao, she tried to hit on me various times. So thats not even too far fetched.

Good to hear your wife is level headed.
Just keep it that way: putting up the biggest wall! while keeping the largest amount of distance possible.

Dude, I feel for you!

Again I wish you good luck.

[kilésengati]

Originally posted by Altai:

Originally posted by kilésengati:

That's bad, mate. I hope for you that the apple didn't fall close to the stem.

Maybe it needs your father-in-law to put her straight. Ukraine is just a 24-hour drive away, resting not included. But then again, maybe they'll just gang up on you, who knows.

My father and law and her are divorced but she still even has control over him, to the extend that he never or super rarely only speaks up against her unfortunately. I assume he knows best that there is no point in it. lol.

You are on your own then. Feels bad man. I hope you have a supportive family and friends of your own.
I would avoid such a momzilla and won't let my kids near her.