I think my girlfriend is cheating on me and I don't know how to ask.

[SQUIID]

Let me rephrase, because I have told my girlfriend these feelings that I have a couple of times now.

I have been with my girlfriend for a year now, but we've known each other for about 2 years, for the last couple months maybe about 6 months i will say i have had doubt about her "love" for me and believe she is hiding something from me.

I have told her many times that I feel like something is going on behind my back, or I would simply ask if she still "loves" me and want's to continue to be with me, she always says yes and that she "doesn't want anyone else" and that no one can compare to me.

I have gone through her phone once, I did this behind her back because I didn't want her to know I was going to go through her phone, I didn't know I would either, we woke up one morning and she left the room and i'm not sure why but I woke up in a bad mood and felt sad or mad or confused about something, I don't know what, so I went through the phone but didn't notice anything suspicious, BUT she told me before about this guy named allen, which she used to do stuff with and I went on her snapchat and saw this one guy named frozone or something weird, no name of him anywhere, I went through the chats and see that they hung out before, and he texts her goodnight and stuff but in a more friendly way, not in a way that seems like they are simply just normal friends.

She told me she doesn't talk to anyone she used to talk to and I don't know what this frozone guys name is but I can only make an assumption because she tells me i'm not allowed to talk to anyone I did before her *girl* ofc and I say okay i respect that and I believe that's how it should be in a relationship anyway, I told her I wouldn't feel comfortable with it either and that would be breaking for me and the relationship or trust for me with her, I went on her instagram the same morning while she was gone and went to her following and saw some guy named frozone or whatever and his name on there appears as "Big Al" and tell me if i'm, crazy or not but I don't know any "Al" that she knows, unless ofc he uses it short for "allen".

I have not mentioned any of this and i'm also scared to do so, because maybe she will find this disrespectful that I went through her phone and will try to make herself seem like the victim, because she be asking me if I'M CHEATING and i always tell her you have my passcode, go through my phone whenever you want, BTW I'M NOT CHEATING AND NEVER HAVE.

When I Ask her stuff like this though she tends to say to me *Are you sure you're not talking to anyone else because you know what they say the accuser is always the one doing shady ♥♥♥♥ man I swear" no literally, she said that to me 20 minutes ago because I asked her a similar question to what i'm feeling right now.

Maybe i'm crazy, maybe i'm stupid or maybe i'm just overthinking, because I can be pretty good at that, but i'm scared to ask my girlfriend about this guy for one, and two I don't know if or how I can make sure she's being loyal to me, because I don't want her to think i'm insecure, or controlling, in this situation, what should I do? and how?

ALSO ONE THING TO NOTE, SHE HAS TOLD ME BEFORE IF YOU THINK I'M CHEATING THEN GO THROUGH MY PHONE SO YOU SEE I'M NOT TALKING TO ANYONE ELSE. but that doesn't mean she can't just simply delete stuff..

also a few months back I noticed on her phone *before I went through it fully for the first time* some random unsaved number was texting her and she replied "it's been 2 years bro" and the person replied "ok my bad I wont bother you no more" I don't know if this flew over my head, or if i'm stupid and letting all this happen to me, should I run? should I confront and if everything is good then just stay? idk..

[pants]

İlk olarak Frankie tarafından gönderildi:

"Hey bird c'mere. Have you been nobbin' behind me back or what?"

Like can be easy of one makes it so.

i agree with this, but you will only be successful if you say it exactly like this and in the correct accent

[Silverlight]

İlk olarak Squiid tarafından gönderildi:

İlk olarak Silverlight tarafından gönderildi:

Dont make hazy plans. I'm talking real ones. Try and buy tickets to a concert next year. Start planning a vacation for some out-of-state Convention in 2025 .

Something solid. Something that can't be fudged.

Discuss it. Talk about. Doesn't have to be pricey. But it has to be real.

Reality has a way of checking the fantasy. If she's cheating she won't want to abandon the other person.

but how do i know that though, she can do these things with me and for all I know she still running to answer that man behind my back.

I did say to gauge her responses. If spends the whole time on a beautiful outing with her Man on her cellphone typing away to someone.
You'll have a clue whats up.

it's one thing to message from the house- it an entirely different during a special occasion.

[☯ Icy ᚱᛖᛞ ᛊᛟᛞᚨ▲]

İlk olarak Squiid tarafından gönderildi:

İlk olarak Silverlight tarafından gönderildi:

Dont make hazy plans. I'm talking real ones. Try and buy tickets to a concert next year. Start planning a vacation for some out-of-state Convention in 2025 .

Something solid. Something that can't be fudged.

Discuss it. Talk about. Doesn't have to be pricey. But it has to be real.

Reality has a way of checking the fantasy. If she's cheating she won't want to abandon the other person.

but how do i know that though, she can do these things with me and for all I know she still running to answer that man behind my back.

does her daily routine make sense ? does she spend whole nights away? does she take longer to get home from various activities than usual? if so , does her taking longer happen very often?
Does she make excuses to spend long periods away from you?

[NoRain :( 🗕 🗗 🗙]

İlk olarak Squiid tarafından gönderildi:

İlk olarak NoRain :( 🗕 🗗 🗙 tarafından gönderildi:

Neither of you sound healthy, and if you had any sort of foundational trust, you'd be fine going through each other's phones together. The fact that you did it in secret only tells me that you guys are terrible at communicating. Bad communication will always lead to a bad relationship in ANY context.

Take a break, or have a conversation about trust. Admit that you undoubtedly ♥♥♥♥♥♥ up by violating their trust and using their phone without their knowledge or consent. If they break up with you then and there, you deserve it because you breached trust. If she wants to continue, you work on ways to be open and communicative. Otherwise, as I said before, take a break. Neither of you sound like you're in a good head-space

but im fine with her going through my phone, and she TELLS me to go through her phone if im thinking those things. i didnt want to tell her im going through her phone because i didnt want her to try and delete stuff before handing it to me.

So stop ignoring the parts of my message you don't like. Be honest, let her decide. You're clearly paranoid, and that's not healthy for either of you

[SQUIID]

İlk olarak Xautos tarafından gönderildi:

İlk olarak Silverlight tarafından gönderildi:

Then she wouldn't be messaging another man.

And thus comes back the the jealousy and confirmation bias. Now how can he tell Allen isn't just a former boyfriend or an old friend who has no romantic interest in her? Was enough research done on this Allen beyond just texts?

i didnt really look into him other than the texts on snapchat and i saw his ig but i didnt really see any posts of him i just saw he posted a ton of weird memes. maybe i didnt scroll far enough idk but she told me "he's a friend that used to work at amazon with me"

[Kestrel]

This whole relationship is cooked man

[SQUIID]

İlk olarak ☯ Icy ᛁᚾᚲᚨᚱᚾᚨ ▲ tarafından gönderildi:

İlk olarak Squiid tarafından gönderildi:

but how do i know that though, she can do these things with me and for all I know she still running to answer that man behind my back.

does her daily routine make sense ? does she spend whole nights away? does she take longer to get home from various activities than usual? if so , does her taking longer happen very often?
Does she make excuses to spend long periods away from you?

no i mean i see her every weekend i go to her house usually friday and leave sunday. i have her location on find my iphone so i can see everywhere she goes, i know a lot of the places she goes to well not a lot but several, shes a cleaner lady now and cleans peoples houses, idk who the people are but i know she does actually do this for her job and goes to several houses a day.

[SQUIID]

İlk olarak Silverlight tarafından gönderildi:

İlk olarak Squiid tarafından gönderildi:

but how do i know that though, she can do these things with me and for all I know she still running to answer that man behind my back.

I did say to gauge her responses. If spends the whole time on a beautiful outing with her Man on her cellphone typing away to someone.
You'll have a clue whats up.

it's one thing to message from the house- it an entirely different during a special occasion.

but i feel like she's not on her phone THAT MUCH when we're out doing something or getting food or doing an activity etc.

[SQUIID]

İlk olarak Xautos tarafından gönderildi:

İlk olarak Silverlight tarafından gönderildi:

Don't confront her. Instead go all in. Spend more time with her. Try and engage in future plans,
Gauge her reactions.

If she's hesitant or angry then she has no future planned with you.

If she's talking to someone else it means that something about your current dynamic is lacking.

That totally depends on the woman in question and her frame of mind, she might get suspicious about this extra attention being lavished on her and if she sees it come about how you are fishing for details.

If she already knows her current partner is extremely jealous about this affair he is thinking of and is probably already snooping through her things, and that something she probably would be thinking anyway, then she would be paying as much attention to him as he will be of her.

If anything it can make the situation untenable.

but she doesn't know i've been doing these things, she just knows i've been thinking of the things im explaining here.

[☯ Icy ᚱᛖᛞ ᛊᛟᛞᚨ▲]

İlk olarak Squiid tarafından gönderildi:

İlk olarak ☯ Icy ᛁᚾᚲᚨᚱᚾᚨ ▲ tarafından gönderildi:

does her daily routine make sense ? does she spend whole nights away? does she take longer to get home from various activities than usual? if so , does her taking longer happen very often?
Does she make excuses to spend long periods away from you?

no i mean i see her every weekend i go to her house usually friday and leave sunday. i have her location on find my iphone so i can see everywhere she goes, i know a lot of the places she goes to well not a lot but several, shes a cleaner lady now and cleans peoples houses, idk who the people are but i know she does actually do this for her job and goes to several houses a day.

Has there been any real changes in her personality /body language/ mannerisms lately? well anything inconsistent with her usual personality?

[Frankie]

You could man-up and just deal with it. If you'r feelings are instinctual she probably is nibbling the cheddar...

[xDDD]

OP I gotta be honest, if she isn't cheating then your actions are going to push her to cheating. Or maybe just outright leaving you. Insecurity is not a good look.

Is she cheating? Who knows. The only thing I could conclude from your story is that Al is still around in some regard. Does that mean she is cheating? Not necessarily. It's definitely a red flag if she is still talking with her ex, but you shouldn't assume the worse or accuse her. If anything, you should step up your own game so she gets over that loser.

If you really need a bit of closure, which it does seem like you desire that, wait for an instance where Frozone pops up on her phone when you happen to be looking and then make a joke about her texting superheroes or liking dudes in tights or something.

But for crying out loud man stop accusing her of cheating unless you have solid evidence. Not only will it upset her and make you look insecure, but also if you keep doing that or thinking this way you will literally manifest it into reality.


P.S. I definitely wouldn't worry about that last "2 years" note. That is probably just some rejected/formerly-friendzoned dude hitting her up or something.

[JD]

Even if you did ask her if she was cheating, she will not be honest about it. And if some miracle happened and she did admit she was cheating, would you ever trust her again?

Time to break up and be single. This relationship is beyond repair.

[tmwfte]

Twist: She's not real. And OP is having a relationship with a cold breeze.

[Frankie]

Who cares it's better than most 'serious' threads :-)