What's a true American?

[Arvaos]

Do you believe that America is a nation of immigrants and that anyone from anywhere can become an American, or do you consider only those of the original British stock to be true Americans? I ask this because I’ve noticed that some British people think immigrants aren’t really British even after they’ve immigrated.

[Hooch]

Oh, this one's an easy one. Someone asked me the same question just last week while I was on vacation in NYC. I was just at the Statue of Liberty with my buddy Chuck Norris - yeah, THE Chuck Norris - because we heard some pinko commies were trying to change Lady Liberty's inscription to "Give me your tired, your poor, your huddled masses yearning for free stuff."

As we roundhouse-kicked our way through the crowd of soy latte-sipping coastal elites, I overheard this scrawny dude with a man bun - let's call him Chai - asking his gender studies professor, "But like, who's a true American, bro? Is it just the OG British peeps or what?"

I couldn't help but burst out laughing. Chuck and I exchanged glances, and faster than you can say "Make America Great Again," I spun around and faced Chai.

"Listen here, Chai-latte," I said, flexing my biceps that I'd crafted through years of lifting the Constitution and bench-pressing bald eagles. "A true American isn't about where your great-great-grandpappy came from. It's about what's in your heart, your soul, and your Netflix queue."

Chai's eyes widened like he'd just discovered there were more than two genders. "But... but... my professor said-"

"Your professor probably thinks the Declaration of Independence is a breakup letter," I interrupted. "Let me break it down for you, Plato's Cave dweller. America is like the world's greatest potluck dinner. We've got people from all over bringing their best dishes to the table. But you know what makes it American? It's when they all sit down together, say grace, and argue about whether Die Hard is a Christmas movie."

By now, a crowd had gathered, including a group of tourists from countries I couldn't pronounce but were probably somewhere near Nambia. They were nodding along, starry-eyed, like they'd just seen Chuck Norris split an atom with his beard.

"You see, being American is about believing in freedom so hard that you can taste it in your apple pie. It's about knowing all the lyrics to 'Born in the U.S.A.' but only singing the chorus. It's about defending everyone's right to free speech, even if they think pineapple belongs on pizza."

Chai's man bun had somehow come undone, probably from the sheer force of patriotism radiating from my words. "But... but what about the British people who say immigrants aren't really British?"

I chuckled, shaking my head like a disappointed dad after finding out his son enrolled in the Air Force instead of the USMC. "Son, do I look like I care what a bunch of tea-sipping, crumpet-munching redcoats think? We fought a whole war so we wouldn't have to care about their opinions. Besides, last I checked, their favorite food was chicken tikka masala. How's that for immigrant culture?"

The crowd erupted in cheers and chants of "U-S-A! U-S-A!" Even the Statue of Liberty seemed to be nodding in approval - or maybe that was just the wind. Either way, I knew I'd made my point.

As Chuck and I walked away, leaving Chai to ponder his newfound enlightenment, I turned back one last time. "Remember, kid," I shouted, "being American is like being a superhero. It's not about where you were born, it's about standing up for truth, justice, and the right to supersize your meal. Now go home and watch 'Red Dawn' - the original, not that remake blasphemy!"

And with that, Chuck and I hopped into our star-spangled monster truck and drove off into the sunset, leaving behind a trail of bald eagle feathers and the faint sound of Lee Greenwood's "God Bless the USA." Because that, my friends, is what being a true American is all about.

[Masque]

Pure poetry, Hooch.

I regret that I have no points to give, and but one life to give for my Country.

[peppermint hollows]

I'm having so much trouble taking this thread seriously when there's a white nationalist with an avatar from a furry weight gain fetish game posting on it...

[DarkCrystalMethod]

引用自 peppermint hollows：

I'm having so much trouble taking this thread seriously when there's a white nationalist with an avatar from a furry weight gain fetish game posting on it...

That seems to be some obscure knowledge there. I don't know whom you're referring to and nobody has made a POINT of announcing it, so its a YOU problem.

[peppermint hollows]

引用自 DarkCrystalMethod：

引用自 peppermint hollows：

I'm having so much trouble taking this thread seriously when there's a white nationalist with an avatar from a furry weight gain fetish game posting on it...

That seems to be some obscure knowledge there. I don't know whom you're referring to and nobody has made a POINT of announcing it, so its a YOU problem.

It's not obscure knowledge, you can check what game a points shop avatar comes from.

[Hooch]

引用自 Masque：

Pure poetry, Hooch.

I regret that I have no points to give, and but one life to give for my Country.

Don't you fret about those points, compadre. The only points that matter are the ones on Lady Liberty's crown and the ones we score against socialism in the great game of freedom. In America, we don't need no stinkin' points system. We've got something better - the Constitution, the Bill of Rights, and an endless supply of "Don't Tread On Me" bumper stickers.

[Elation]

引用自 DarkCrystalMethod：

引用自 peppermint hollows：

I'm having so much trouble taking this thread seriously when there's a white nationalist with an avatar from a furry weight gain fetish game posting on it...

That seems to be some obscure knowledge there. I don't know whom you're referring to and nobody has made a POINT of announcing it, so its a YOU problem.

Well, if you actually read the replies it's pretty obvious who the "white nationalist" on the thread is.

[Masque]

I'm the mutt nationalist.

[Elation]

引用自 Masque：

I'm the mutt nationalist. :cyberdog:

I think we need to do a racial purity test on this thread just to be sure.

[Elation]

P.S. That was a joke, moderators.

[Masque]

:checks everyone's blood sample:

:nods, narrows eyes:

"Looks like we got us a purebred here, boys."

[DarkCrystalMethod]

I certainly saw some opinions there, but I was trying to figure out whom the furry was, since that wasn't in their discourse, yet thats what the stated reason you're discounting their view. Honestly I was just trying to figure it out from profile pictures.

[Elation]

引用自 peppermint hollows：

引用自 DarkCrystalMethod：

That seems to be some obscure knowledge there. I don't know whom you're referring to and nobody has made a POINT of announcing it, so its a YOU problem.

It's not obscure knowledge, you can check what game a points shop avatar comes from.

Wow, you weren't lying. That's hilarious.

[Arvaos]

引用自 Hooch：

引用自 Masque：

Pure poetry, Hooch.

I regret that I have no points to give, and but one life to give for my Country.

Don't you fret about those points, compadre. The only points that matter are the ones on Lady Liberty's crown and the ones we score against socialism in the great game of freedom. In America, we don't need no stinkin' points system. We've got something better - the Constitution, the Bill of Rights, and an endless supply of "Don't Tread On Me" bumper stickers.

America is a country where corporate lobbying plays a role in the election process.

Some have even labelled America as a corporatocracy.

The constitution was written hundreds of years ago by entrepreneurial men that came from the British administrative class.

[Elation]

I doubt that most Americans want to return to Europe anyway, "European" stock or not. And they have plenty of good reasons for not wanting to, often in regards to certain rights and freedoms they probably wouldn't want to give up.

But what do I know, I'm Swiss. Sorry, I mean White. Nationalities are slurs to some people.