Modern Dating, what is it exactly men who aren't 8+ supposed to do? (Venting)
Below average middle age guy... am I just meant to go die in a ditch? Tinder is a meat market for hook ups for the good looking, Legit dating sites are full of bots and only fans thots... so... what exactly am I supposed to do? hope I live long enough to see Blade runner and Joi become reality? super exciting I may one day get to buy a super expensive hologram that will tell me what I want to hear... Society really ♥♥♥♥♥♥ up. I hate this.
En son KingAce tarafından düzenlendi; 14 Ağu 2024 @ 3:24
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305 yorumdan 196 ile 210 arası gösteriliyor
İlk olarak ForeverAlone tarafından gönderildi:
İlk olarak Michael tarafından gönderildi:

Have you tried to work out? It would help if you did it in the morning before breakfast. Plus it would help to release tension.

About 10 years ago got serious about it for a few months, followed something of a altered Tom Hardy Bane Workout and Diet, Grew my arms and back a bit, lost about 30 lbs, noticed all i got was the rare, wow you look great, nothing else.


That time you were doing it for the wrong reasons. Now you need to do it for yourself and to raise your energy level back up. Be careful when starting back up as you can hurt yourself by going too hard too fast.
İlk olarak ForeverAlone tarafından gönderildi:
Modern Dating, what is it exactly men who aren't 8+ supposed to do? (Venting)

I didn't read every post, but I read a few. So, if I missed something significant, I apologize. I am forced to make assumptions due to the medium and the fact that I don't know you from Adam's housecat... So, yeah, sometimes stereotyping is a bit necessary. But, for all that, I'm at least sincerely trying to offer something useful. :)


OK, first off, let's get rid of some preconceived notions, k?

You say you're "burn survivor" ugly. That's probably not true.

I've had friends who weren't "face-men." You know, not the top pick for every girl in the club, right? Heck, I'm not in the running, either.

Here's a secret you should have learned by now. And, I blame teh interwebz and too many adult men insisting on staying at Forever Fourteen... They know nothing but memes. OK, the "secret:"

Whatever you look like, there's someone out there that thinks you're perfect. And, at least within a hundred miles of you, there's a lot of women that would be more than willing to give you a chance to prove your worth.

You will scoff and say I don't know what I'm talking about. Well, that's the Forever Fourteen kid you've been pretending to be that's thinking, not a man. You are a man, not a child.

Look around you. Go somewhere. Look at the people... You know, people used to just go somewhere, maybe get a coffee, and sit there... "people watching." It wasn't creepy, it wasn't weird, they'd just sit, drink their coffee, maybe read a magazine or a book, and be among other people. Today... they go get a Double Pumpkin Latte, sit down, and shove their nose in a smartphone and don't see #%%^.

LOOK.

You'll start thinking to yourself "How did they end up together?" One in a couple could be a "10" and the other a "5" by some ridiculous rating score. But, you watch them and they're happy, obviously enjoying each other's company. Maybe you start seeing couples who've obviously been together for awhile. The casual touch, the awareness of their partner next to them, the way they seem to stay walking together, both going to the same place, and still know their partner is right there beside them without even looking...

That is reality.


Now, another bit of reality is that it is generally true that like-goes-for-like... So, yeah, really hot people tend to flock to other hot people. OK, fine - Don't punch above your weight unless you have Ninja-grade relationship skills. That absolutely does not mean you won't end up with an award-winning supermodel - You could. It just means that you probably don't need that level of intimidation while you're trying to be your best, right?


The next thing is... you have to get some "real life" going. You have to get a social life that is based in "reality." Now, I understand how foreign that may be. OK, understood. But... human beings are social animals. We are hardcoded to be that way and one BIG issue with many people today is that they have naturally tried to bond with "teh internet" and it's "internetz social" and their brain-meat is wondering why none of that is working... Well, duh - We evolved over bazillions of years without the internet. (Well, 150k or so) Our brains do not bond well with a screen. (Sorry, waifu lovers)

So, wat do?

You're going to start your social life next week. Yup, that's right. The first thing you're going to do is go out to eat. No delivery, no drive-thru. You are going to go somewhere that has knives and forks and spoons and you're going to sit down and order a meal and eat it there. While you're there, you're going to be pleasant to all that you interact with. You're also going to wear clean clothes and shower before you go... Take ten minutes before going to do some hygiene, brush your teeth, trim you nails. Then, go out for dinner. (Can't afford it, eat cheap. Can't afford that, well then there's other talking to do.)

Next up, you're going to make a point to be nice to your neighbors. I don't know if you live in a house or an apartment, but you're going to be nice and say "Hi" when you see them. If you've already burned those bridges... yup, other talking to do.

And, you're going to find someplace to go, regularly. Like Starbucks? OK, you'll go once a week. Books? Bookstores are awesome, so go there once a week. (You don't even have to buy anything.)

Do you need a pair of socks? OK, put down the phone... Go to a sock-getting place that sells socks. Do it. Buy a pair of socks.

While you're doing these things, and let's say that you'll do one next week and the others within two weeks, you are going to be tasked with noticing people. Yes, you've done that before and I'm not saying you're an idiot. :) I am saying that you need to really look at people with some new eyeballs. AND, you need to interact with living, breathing, people in order to get some proper perspective.

At one time, I had a bunch a buncha friends and people I hung out with. Sure, that was when I was younger... like around your age. In just about every case, the guys all had women who loved them that were better looking than many would think those guys could land. You know why? Because we all started socializing with all kinds of people in our late teens and early twenties and we "got gud" at being personable, nice, and interesting people to hang out with. Walla - Victories. (Not that I personally care about the "looks are everything" crowd.) Most of these guys were people most others would enjoy hanging around with. And, the few quiet, shy, ones? Well, guess what - Even wingmen get confirmed scores.

_
Sidebar: Going outside and interacting with people in positive ways, even if it's mundane, stands to net you a much higher probability that you will actually end up interacting with people... and that could lead to all sorts of positive experiences. These are things you can build on. But, you can't build on them if you don't have any of them... get some.

Ever had a waitress hit on you? I'm no face-man, but I can count four or five times that happened to me and I wasn't even at "Hooters"... Check-out girl at the grocery store? Oh yeah, that's a whole other story. See? That's four to six times and I know I've forgotten some others. (PS: Don't hit on the staff, but be receptive...)
_


It sounds like, and I apologize if I'm totally wrong, you're basically going to have to start off without a well-developed skillset. That's fine, it just means you'll be a bit more intimidated or anxious. That's fixable. Know that anyone else in your situation would be feeling the same thing.


Because wild internet threads don't tend to last long around these parts:

Continue to do these seemingly simple things. Go outside. Go places where there are people. Start looking for opportunities to just "go somewhere there are people." (Safe ones.) Yes, even interacting with wait staff at a restaurant is socializing. Even going to a Starbucks and getting one of those fancy latte's is socializing... as long as you're not being served by or sitting with robots. Keep doing these things and, while you're doing it, "look." Get some reality goggles on and see. Wear clean clothes, wash yourself, brush your teeth. Bring a book if you need to fidget with something and keep your nose out of your phone.

I can't tell you how to meet Ms. Right or even Ms. Right-now. I don't live there and don't know where your ideal target population for your hunt tends to graze... But, that doesn't matter right now - You need "out." You need to get away from the screen and go outside and get some realistic points of view.


PS: I am very concerned about what the self-isolation of the modern-day internet/social-media user abuses themselves with, today. Yeah, and I'm saying that on the internetz.. But, darnit, this is a slow, painful, death of meaningful social lives and real-life experiences for bajillions of people we're looking at. It is taking its toll. But, money talks and it doesn't want to say anything that could disrupt its meal-plan. :/ Good luck.
En son Morkonan tarafından düzenlendi; 16 Ağu 2024 @ 0:15
İlk olarak Tywin tarafından gönderildi:
İlk olarak NoRain :( 🗕 🗗 🗙 tarafından gönderildi:

True, but it's very much like watching a Karen freakout- they're so painfully in the wrong to everyone else, but they themselves feel justified in their outburst; it's fun to watch
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MEC2Nq7Z6lc&t=2s

Well it's not like owning a house or having a wife/kids is very affordable anyway.

Attaching economics to your virginity is just plain embarrassing. Also, you clearly have an archaic way of thinking if you're not factoring in what a dual income would mean for you. Cost of living is indeed abysmal, but it by no means justifies the influx of incels. What does, though, is clear manipulation through social media that engineered the lot of you to be purposefully un-♥♥♥♥-able
En son NoRain :( 🗕 🗗 🗙 tarafından düzenlendi; 16 Ağu 2024 @ 0:24
If you're a man, I would just stop caring about dating/dating apps. It's hardly worth the time and expense these days.
İlk olarak Tywin tarafından gönderildi:
If you're a man, I would just stop caring about dating/dating apps. It's hardly worth the time and expense these days.

Dating apps, yes. Plain giving up on dating? The problem is you giving up. You're clearly unable to put in minimal effort
İlk olarak NoRain :( 🗕 🗗 🗙 tarafından gönderildi:
İlk olarak Tywin tarafından gönderildi:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MEC2Nq7Z6lc&t=2s

Well it's not like owning a house or having a wife/kids is very affordable anyway.

Attaching economics to your virginity is just plain embarrassing. Also, you clearly have an archaic way of thinking if you're not factoring in what a dual income would mean for you. Cost of living is indeed abysmal, but it by no means justifies the influx of incels. What does, though, is clear manipulation through social media that engineered the lot of you to be purposefully un-♥♥♥♥-able
I'm no virgin. I had a girlfriend. It didn't work out between us. There's no guarantee a relationship is going to survive with all the work you put into them.
İlk olarak Tywin tarafından gönderildi:
İlk olarak NoRain :( 🗕 🗗 🗙 tarafından gönderildi:

Attaching economics to your virginity is just plain embarrassing. Also, you clearly have an archaic way of thinking if you're not factoring in what a dual income would mean for you. Cost of living is indeed abysmal, but it by no means justifies the influx of incels. What does, though, is clear manipulation through social media that engineered the lot of you to be purposefully un-♥♥♥♥-able
I'm no virgin. I had a girlfriend. It didn't work out between us. There's no guarantee a relationship is going to survive with all the work you put into them.

Giving up after a failed relationship is still your decision. Your self-defeatist attitude is holding you back. You guys need to grow up. These aren't hard thoughts or processes to grasp
İlk olarak NoRain :( 🗕 🗗 🗙 tarafından gönderildi:
İlk olarak Tywin tarafından gönderildi:
I'm no virgin. I had a girlfriend. It didn't work out between us. There's no guarantee a relationship is going to survive with all the work you put into them.

Giving up after a failed relationship is still your decision. Your self-defeatist attitude is holding you back. You guys need to grow up. These aren't hard thoughts or processes to grasp
No, it's not. It's accepting that I won't put in a bunch of work for nothing.
İlk olarak Tywin tarafından gönderildi:
I'm no virgin. I had a girlfriend. It didn't work out between us. There's no guarantee a relationship is going to survive with all the work you put into them.


There's no guarantees in life period. Most people get that before graduation.

C’est la vie
En son Fajita Jim tarafından düzenlendi; 16 Ağu 2024 @ 0:31
İlk olarak ForeverAlone tarafından gönderildi:
İlk olarak Michael tarafından gönderildi:


That time you were doing it for the wrong reasons. Now you need to do it for yourself and to raise your energy level back up. Be careful when starting back up as you can hurt yourself by going too hard too fast.

I will never do it for me. itd always be for someone else.

That is the wrong way to live. You need to be able to understand when taking care of yourself for your own needs is a good thing.
İlk olarak Tywin tarafından gönderildi:
İlk olarak NoRain :( 🗕 🗗 🗙 tarafından gönderildi:

Giving up after a failed relationship is still your decision. Your self-defeatist attitude is holding you back. You guys need to grow up. These aren't hard thoughts or processes to grasp
No, it's not. It's accepting that I won't put in a bunch of work for nothing.

You're cynical and bitter but you are judging every future relationship based on one that didn't work in the past.
İlk olarak Arvaos tarafından gönderildi:
İlk olarak Tywin tarafından gönderildi:
No, it's not. It's accepting that I won't put in a bunch of work for nothing.

You're cynical and bitter but you are judging every future relationship based on one that didn't work in the past.

https://imgflip.com/i/90gldz
İlk olarak Arvaos tarafından gönderildi:
İlk olarak Tywin tarafından gönderildi:
No, it's not. It's accepting that I won't put in a bunch of work for nothing.

You're cynical and bitter but you are judging every future relationship based on one that didn't work in the past.
I think men shouldn't be breaking their backs over asking as many women out as possible. Relationships that start slow last longer statistically.
En son Obelisk tarafından düzenlendi; 16 Ağu 2024 @ 0:45
İlk olarak BlackBloodRum tarafından gönderildi:
İlk olarak Tywin tarafından gönderildi:
I think men shouldn't be breaking their backs over asking as many women out as possible. Relationships that start slow last longer statistically.
Statistically, how long do relationships that don't start at all last? (Since a relationship won't start at all, with your methods)
But did the man lose anything from not having a relationship? The answer is no.
If you can't handle yourself, why do you want a partner?
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Gönderilme Tarihi: 14 Ağu 2024 @ 3:23
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