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The post-911 world is a different place. It's not better.
First smartphone was an Orange SPV E200 (HTC).
64MB of internal storage, 32MB of RAM, 133MHZ CPU and a res of 220 x 176 pixels. Oh and it came with a free 8MB full sized SD card lol.
Me in 2020 and beyond: "Bruh..."
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=65mDUl9nT0o
exported to st kitts
bought by some dude whos now my dad
came to life by some woman whos now my mom
loved skating as a kid
went to school
now in college
> life is strange
So your past 24 years looked like looked like computer software and hardware? Interesting. Are you a computer?
drugs and daddy issues uwu
In 2024, I look at the world around me and not only do I feel like I live in a world made of technological cardboard, but I wake up every morning praying for a Carrington Event.
Long before everybody had internet.
I was living full time out of house as my parents placed me in some kind of boarding place.
I did not like it there.. and they always found me a bad fit as they tried to impose insane rules on me.. I would not follow.. by insane rules I mean things like I had to quit my sidejob.. that was profitable.. cause in their mind getting a job was only allowed AFTER you already had learned to keep your room clean.. they had like a static idea of steps towards adulthood.. and would not allow people skipping steps... or doing things in another order... I found that (justly so) idiotic.
-
their idea of autism.. is not who I was.. and it was insane to try to squeese me in their insane idea.
those years were hell.. and I was very depressed because of it... but at 21yo I won a lawsuit against them.. and got released with some money for their malpractace and got my first true own house.
-> my contact with my parents has been improved later.. I had a talk with them.. and apearlinly they had no idea of the malpractices there... they honestly thought that place would help me better than spending my late teens at home.. and were lied to by what happened by them too.. and often told to hold up a charade to me much harder than they wanted "for thats better for him
since 21 I have lived on my own.. and currently am in my 3d house since than (been in this one for a little over a decade) and I am currently looking for the next one.. hoping to find one soon as I want a proper terraced house.. not an apartment no more.
school/workwise I was at 18 just dropped out of community college..
due excessively high grades and could not stand how stupid my fellow classmates were
after learning my parents did me dirty.. and hid my true IQ from me and always send me to schools that were way to easy for me.. at middle school.. which I did not notice due those schools also having more people who were way to smart for that level.
I was not willing to waste years... so I just opted to toss anything I learned and bought all the books for gymnasium and self-tought them all in just 2 years.. than bought acces to state-exams in that 2d year.. never following class.. but directly joining all official exams.
passed with flying colours.. essentially crammed what would have been a 6 year study only doable for those with IQ of 115 and up.. into effectively 2 weeks (as I was smart but lazy and only crammed the books just before the exams)
I worked a lot in that first year in a store to collect money to pass the time as assistant-manager
I went to a bibleschool at bachalor level for 1 year during that 2d year as a side hussle (which give me great discount due low income.. so it was kind of cheap and it gave me points towards my later study)
after this.. I went to do TWO paralel master studies pastoral counceling and faith studies... for 4 years.. in my last year I added a third study : a PhD in theoretical physics
in 2006 as my masters were done I started part time working at a local church as an assistant.
(my fuction was essentially give biblestudy at acedemic level to the 12-18yo.. + assist the phD of theologics pastor as he always had more work than he could handle and we cannot have uneducated people do that kind of work...
I also gave trainiongs to the various volenteers... (elders) in their tasks.. plus I took on the more harder pasoral cases that required more psychologic training than the elders could handle.. and essentially needed full on therapy.
likewise I advised the board of elders in church matters.. like if they had church members who misbehaved and had to be disicplined.. or had issues like many church members leaving..I often wrote advise raports based on both theologic knowledge and psychologic/sociologic presentation.
in 2008.. a year before finishing my PhD I got a job as a teacher at a school.. where I gave the religious classes... fulltime..
(I also became the official fall in for physics.. as they knew I was close to getting that degree and a PhD would more than qualify me for teaching that.. heck I could teach and masterstudies not just a middle/highschool)
I refused being the de facto teacher for that. as I enjoy religious studies more..
->
while not official I also fall in a lot for math, since my resposibilities have been expanded and I occationally also teach economics and chemics.. due me being rather skilling in all those classes..
(Being essentially a mensa-2 level IQ I find all those type of stem classes increadibly easy)
(in fact my mind is highly logical it was FAR harder for me to pass a social study like pastoral work.. than my doctorate in physics.. but.. well.. I like a challenge..
for me social things are a lot harder than math things.. but thats exactly why I like them more
math things are just so incredibly easy and predictable for me I find no challenge in them.
but the questions of life.. those can keep the mind occupied forever.
I have been working at this same school ever since 2008..
so far so good..
relationwise.. it has gone less good.
in 18 I was still in contact with my one true love the one I had been chasing since I was 12.. and still is in my heart.. but who never ever gave me the light of day.. at that age she broke of all contact (and I am no stalker I respected that decision.. even though I very much would have liked to call her and tell how i feel..) I much later met her at some event.. and she was with husband and child.. so that chaper is firmly closed.
(so I moved on long since.. but I be lying if my heart would not want her over anybody else still)
perhaps BECASUE I never have had a relation and never could sour my idea of her..
perhaps cause she was the first true love.. and I never ever fell as strongly emotionally bout anybody ever again.. whatever it was..
so it was not before about 21.. after I also got my own house.. I started dating.. mostly by people I met at theological debate forums (not dating just where you talked intelectual theological thesissis.. and than some woman there would share those interests.. and than I would add them to my msn-chat.. that still was a thing back than...
non of this went further than one or two dates before I decieded NOPE.. a rare one might last 8 weekly dates.. but nobody was along that jumped out..
my serious one I met when I was 27.. so in 2009... and I was with her for 12 years so until 2021.. it started slow.. the occational date... where she ate my homecooked food.. but online we chatted each day and we called on the phone an hour a day easely..
it slowly grew out until these meetings became weekly..
we never started calling it a relationship but eventually family wanted to meet her and me at christmas.. and she not wanted to be apart those days no more (I was ready to make that jump earlier but waited till she was too.. and that was when we started to call eachother to the outside.. basicly about 2015-ish...
a year later I proposed (more or less pressed by her.. she kept dropping not THAT subtile hints) and we picked a wedding date for 2017...
but in the year preperation.. it all fell apart.... due 3 things.
1 she could NOT give in...
living together is different than being a guest.. she just could not cope giving up authonomy..
-she got a new house to become OUR house.. and I did most of the work fixing it up...but left for my own home eachnight.. but she would almost allow ZERO imput from me.. like I had to fight to even get my own shelf in the fridge... and she would NOT allow me to pick any funiture flooring, wallpaper etc.
likewise she would also not allow my imput in the wedding planning.
**her expectation was woman just deciede those things 100% and man pay the bill 100%
I was like ehhh NOPE.. WE deciede together..and I will be paying the lion share.. but I also want a say in the oucome.
****
she kept calling my idea's bout what I liked for our house and the wedding "antiquated/1800s" and insane.. and that I had no taste.. I pointed out that her idea of normal was not even normal but just her own little circle of family standard.. I showed how other people lived even asked the pastor of her church who agreed with me.. and showed his house which was actually much of the things I liked..
I was not against compromising with her desires... I just wanted an outcome that was more a mix of both our desires.. not just me sucking up with whatever she wanted.
***she had a very bad example in her sisters as they all had husbands who I called absent..and without willpower.. they indeed just let their wifes do whatever they wanted.. and her dad was absent when she was young (due him being periods of months away from home) so all she ever knew was woman decieve all that and it is gay if a man even HAS an opinion about what is a nice sofa or wallpaper.. or what band to pick at a wedding..
I (backed by both our pastors) fully disagreed)
that was not ALL the issue... the second one was.. she was VERY fixed in what church she wanted to marry.. but the issue was.. that church had an RIDICULOUS strict policy... of 50 theologic thesisis.. and to become member you had to agree with all 50 of them to the letter... as a theologic schooled person with a mind of my own.. I had problems with the wording of 16 of them.. and fundemental issues with 1 (I stand for adult baptising not child baptising)
***
I asked her church cant I instead rewrite those 16 thesis.. as we know what you mean..
(they were like the bible is the unfallable Word
I know what they MEAN with that and I agree.. but as a theologic student.. the term Word.. in this context.. stands for Gods ruach.. the trinity essentially God..
I was clearly more theologic and this was kind how a lawyer looks to a contract written by non laweducated people.. but as they also demanded I testified I vow to that TEACHING.. not "to my true and honest faith" I could not in good concience do that.
and her church would not agree with me agreeing the same thing in different wording.. that would do justice to the spirit of what they ment with those sayings.. without giving me a conflict.
to them word = bible
to me :
The Word = The trinity, God Himself
Gods Word = The act of God working
Holy Scripture = Things God litterly said or orderd to be written down as such
Scripture = Inspired by the spirit but written by humans, like the story of people of their life with God.
those are 4 different theologic terms and to be used in the correct conttext.
so when they say like
"the bible is the incorruptuble word of God"
what they mean to say is..
-> I believe everything written in the bible is 100% true and correct
**which I agree with.
but what they actually say in my expextation :
"the bible is God"
and agreeing to that would be a sin to the 2d commanment.. false idolry!
they may not be meaning to say that.. but to me it does
and thus agreeing would be a sin.
her church who had not changed those lines of text in like 200 years and was led by people who were imho not that bright... essentially expected peopple to agree 100% yes on something they not fully understood.. and not got why I was making this so difficult...
she took GREAT offense.. to this.... as she did flatly refuse to be married anywhere else but her church.. but her church essentially banned me becoming member unless I lied in their faces about agreeing to their thesis... she could not get why I would not say yes..
"it's not like they can check later.. you know they not mean that deeper thing with it.. so you make an issue about nothing"
she also not could get my moral problem with giving false testemonity towards a church board non the less..
and that how much I loved her.. this was essentially her asking me to lie to God for her.. and i never would do that as I pick God over anyone including her.
final issue was her.. suddenly not wanting kids.. this was NOT the case when we started dating.. and both her and my church have essentially the prayer for the blessing for children in their marriage articles... you don't use anticonception.. and you also not deny eachother your body.. ofcourse you don't do insane and go 13 kids.. most households have 3-5 by simply not lying 3 times a night each night with eachother (not laying with eachother in the more dangerous days may not work 100% but will keep children number to something more managble enough)
I even pointed this out to her... and even got her pastor involved who for once agreed that if you said yes to marriage as a woman you must also be open to sex AND children.. or else there could be no marriage..
thats was basicly when the whole engagement broke.. we stayed together for a little over a year since.. still having talks with eachother and having meeting with the pastor hoping that she would work things out...
but in the end.. she went the other route.
**she not liked the idea of sex for starters
**she defenitly not wanted kids
**she also agreed that marriage ment wanting both those things
**she also wanted to be her own boss, and not have to give in to the needs of anybody else.
**while she also agreed than marriage ment she would be under her husband, and at least had to give up half her things for his..
**so the only way to do justice to God is if she never ever married with anybody, that way no sin of blocking kids and no sin of not submissing to her husband.
at that point I ended back single.. which I have been since.. now much older and the datingmarked much changed.. I find it hard to get back on it.. even with a house, and a decent job.
Me being very strict christian (and not wanting to date anybody who is not) but also intelectually thinking makes me essentialy non denominational.. in personality..
**people who are more intelectual in their faith and can say why they believe what they do.. tend to be way more progressive.. and I cannot see those as real christians
**people who are as strict as me.. and as conservative.. are often very strict raised in ONE denomination.. and just like sheep who repeat what told.. but cannot understand why.. nor have wiggle room to form their own opinion..
my mix of very strict and very self formed christianity instead of one tought from childhood... makes it hard to find a partner that I can see as a true christian and who in turn can see me likewise...
add to that.. as in conservative circles most woman marry in their early 20s.. not than many options left that don't find me way to old..
so there i am.. still working.. still hoping to one day meet the right one.. to finally get a family going...
I might consider migrating to another nation.. as houses are so insanely priced in my nation... than I never could BUY one... as even as phd educated you need like 3 or 4 incomes to get the morgage on even the most basic house..
so I aint badly earning.. but the average house is just 460k.. it's truelly insane..
as for finding a wife.. I would not object against a wife of another nationaility but I have my type.. and that means not another race.. so essentially she could only be a north or east european.. or someone living in south africa, america or australia decended of those..
european christians are very rare (like less than 1% of europeans still go to church)
reformed (not catholic ones) are like a small percentage of that
STRICT reformed with ethics that agree with mine are even smaller
and strict reformed with my kind of intelligence and education to be proper conversation partners.. even rarer..
I know I desire a rare thing.. but God works wonders.