[DATING] Where does *real* dating happen in 2024?

[Shlim Sady]

I'm a recovered addict- I was talking about this in some other threads, and I don't really know where to go or what to do seeking a proper relationship now. Online dating has only resulted in unstable relationships, me getting cheated on, and unintentional hookups.

The bar? The mall? The club? It feels strange for me to go to the bar or club without smoking or drinking- primarily because that's what the majority of people are going there to do in the first place. Approaching women at the mall as a stranger feels like a taboo thing to do now, as the internet just ingrains fear into women about the whole "stranger danger" campaigns being forced on people at large. It doesn't help that I'm 6'1", dress in all black and wear an overcoat. Though, I'm not really interested in not being me, so I don't know what the real solution is.

My friends often describe my appearance as intimidating, especially as far as first impressions go. They say as soon as they started talking to me, that whole preconception drifted, but it is one of the first things people usually say about me. I don't really smile- I smirk. If I do smile, it's rare, and I unfortunately have the male equivalent of resting-♥♥♥♥♥-face.

Any solutions that don't involve using dating apps that devolved into hookup apps?

[Shlim Sady]

Nguyên văn bởi Equinox:

I don't understand that "unintentional hookup" thing. If you really don't want it, then it shouldn't happen. One does not accidentally bury their dinger, open their legs or scratch their throat, and then say: "Oops, I didn't mean to do that."

Nguyên văn bởi BunnieBealla:

I'll date you :3
I hear it's best to happen naturally in environments you're use to or spend time alot such as at work or a local park
sorry I don't know how to give better advice on this uwu

I think this advice is good enough. In my opinion, romantic relationship should start as friendships and without expecting more than that from the get-go. Learning to trust each other and care for each other before everything else. If two friends know each other well enough and enjoy each other's company, then maybe they should consider it. Finding love without looking for it.

You've never accidentally fallen into some vagana? Slipped on a banana peel and fell on some panis?

I say "unintentional hookup" because the original intention is to just hangout, grab food, talk, and go home. Sometimes, there's an extra stop at pound-town... It's not like I'm painting a scene of

"There I was, minding my own business, when suddenly..." No, it's just that the original intentions didn't align with the course the date took. If you're agreeing to hookup with someone, the intention going forward is that you're gonna ♥♥♥♥ each other and then make awkward eye-contact in public from that day forward. If you're agreeing to go and get food, watch a movie, etc. you're agreeing to spend some time together. That's all I mean.

But I get concerned with the friendship route- I don't disagree, that's probably the best, most natural way to do it- but it requires a forced-interaction environment more or less. My high-school sweetheart was my best friend- and I ultimately soured both of my relationships with that person because I broke things off- we were no longer friends, or intimate. I worry about repeating a situation like that. I really like my friends- some are girls and very attractive- but I prioritise the platonic relationship more than the desire to be intimate

[Shlim Sady]

Nguyên văn bởi Breathe:

From one RBF to another.. learn how to "warm' or soften your face by 'smiling" with your eyes. Try looking at yourself in the mirror just like normal, then try thinking about something or someone that brings you joy. I've found over the years, the rbf goes away a bit but not entirely. You'll still be intimidating to some. I figure if that really prevents people from approaching me then they couldn't hang anyway, you know?

That's actually something my friends have told me specifically: "Y'know, your eyes betray your scowl." kind of a core memory, now. One of the kindest, backhanded things they've ever said to me to date lmao

[HotB]

No Where, Tinder was a failed experiment, The West has Truly Fallen

[brain stew]

A good place to start would be by leaving your basements.

[Angel]

OP already knows it's the intimidating appearance, that deters people. It limits the dating social circle in terms of quantity (let's ignore quality for now). Wearing all black and an overcoat should've be so much of an obstacle as many men appear approachable in that look depending how it's styled. Most people generally look at the person such as facial expressions and body language.

My advice would be to shine through with personality but it may be hard as OP naturally doesn't smile. And even in a digital digital media era, I'd still advise approaching people. Not every conversation to strangers is a "pickup line", it could just be a friendly chat as an ice breaker before seeing where it leads.

[WhiteKitt]

via Friends, Family, Work, Events, Vacation and Hobbies

u can be a dumb bish gettin a dog and going to the dog park and looking all active and fun and approachable and maybe u have a job and u don't have baggage and u are not pushy and u no how to have a good time without gettin super drunk meaning "going for some kind of chill half day trip that aint awkward"

or go to an asian massage parlor :D

[Shlim Sady]

Nguyên văn bởi Breathe:

Nguyên văn bởi Shlim Sady:

That's actually something my friends have told me specifically: "Y'know, your eyes betray your scowl." kind of a core memory, now. One of the kindest, backhanded things they've ever said to me to date lmao

Just curious, do you wear makeup at all, like eyeliner or lip gloss?

Nah, nothing like that. Though Jack Sparrow pulls it off.

I think it's my eyelashes- nearly every girl seem to be jealous of 'em. One time a girlfriend put mascara on me for laughs, and they touched my eyebrows

[Funky Monk]

It happens in OT

[Shlim Sady]

Nguyên văn bởi Funky Monk:

It happens in OT

Pro tip: skip dating; acquire wife

[YoSoyJosh]

Man Ive been sober for a bit over 2 years and it's so GD difficult to date where I live. Dont drink so no bars. Not a believer, so no church. Dating apps? Purest form of pathetic entertainment. And the fact I'll be 45 this year helps zero. Oh well. Got that off my chest

[Shlim Sady]

Nguyên văn bởi fbx2 Ravenclan.EU :

via Friends, Family, Work, Events, Vacation and Hobbies

u can be a dumb bish gettin a dog and going to the dog park and looking all active and fun and approachable and maybe u have a job and u don't have baggage and u are not pushy and u no how to have a good time without gettin super drunk meaning "going for some kind of chill half day trip that aint awkward"

or go to an asian massage parlor :D

You clearly didn't read the post

Either way, I don't want to sour relationships with friends- I've already done that and it sucked. I don't have a good relationship with my family- parents are both abusive, crosses the boundary of physically. I'm geographically isolated. That's not the happy-ending I'm looking for

[Shlim Sady]

Nguyên văn bởi Asesno:

Man Ive been sober for a bit over 2 years and it's so GD difficult to date where I live. Dont drink so no bars. Not a believer, so no church. Dating apps? Purest form of pathetic entertainment. And the fact I'll be 45 this year helps zero. Oh well. Got that off my chest

lmao at least you know there are people in their 20's going through the same ♥♥♥♥

[Shlim Sady]

Nguyên văn bởi Angel:

OP already knows it's the intimidating appearance, that deters people. It limits the dating social circle in terms of quantity (let's ignore quality for now). Wearing all black and an overcoat should've be so much of an obstacle as many men appear approachable in that look depending how it's styled. Most people generally look at the person such as facial expressions and body language.

My advice would be to shine through with personality but it may be hard as OP naturally doesn't smile. And even in a digital digital media era, I'd still advise approaching people. Not every conversation to strangers is a "pickup line", it could just be a friendly chat as an ice breaker before seeing where it leads.

First impressions are everything in public- mine are a cross between Gothic school-shooter and BDSM master. Once people actually get to talk to me, I've been described as pretty charismatic. I'd describe myself as the most humble person I know- so I know I'm funny- but that doesn't come across on looks alone, obviously. Smoking used to be an icebreaker- I was naturally interesting. People were pulling out their staple packs of cigarettes and plastic lighters, while I had cigars and a wind-proof Zippo; those alone were some icebreakers. Not to mention I had mints everywhere I went as well- sometimes I had literal Icebreakers.

You don't have that sort of socialising when you don't use any substance besides caffeine, though. Basically nobody goes to sit in a coffee shop, for example nowadays.

[Shlim Sady]

Nguyên văn bởi Breathe:

Nguyên văn bởi Shlim Sady:

Nah, nothing like that. Though Jack Sparrow pulls it off.

I think it's my eyelashes- nearly every girl seem to be jealous of 'em. One time a girlfriend put mascara on me for laughs, and they touched my eyebrows

Ahh ok.

Honestly think you're in a good place and continuing to love yourself will help curtail the harshness that might come across to others sometimes.

If I can give you some hope? I have moments where other people will tell me "oh! You're happy!' out of the blue and I'll ask them why. They say I'm smiling. I don't know that I'm even smiling anymore! I used to feel it each time and it'd hurt lol. That joy, that peace and love you build up over time eventually has no other place but to come out through your face. Truly. We earn the face we grow into:)

LMAO the duality of people- my friends get concerned when I smile... They've supposedly only seen me do it ear-to-ear when I'm about to do something rash. Otherwise, I smirk. Smiling, they describe it as "Uh oh, he's boutta rock that kid" primarily. I've since mellowed out from those days, but they tease me relentlessly when they see me smile. I'm pale as paper, so I also blush pretty easily.

One I still think about is my friend making a joke while smoking a cigarette, me since having quit, they go "Maybe it was all those Black's (slang for brand of cigars I would smoke) you were suckin' on, blowin' white stuff everywhere." They were talking about my RBF. I flicked his cig out of his mouth and said "Yeah, you ♥♥♥♥♥♥' wish" friend is black and gay, I am white and straight "Man, we gotta find you a white ♥♥♥♥♥ with that kinda attitude" he goes, still pretending to hold the cigarette that's no longer there with his fingers. One of the times they still say they've seen me actually smile. Good times, that.

My girl friends usually think of the former, because it usually happened while I'd defend them. Rogue comments, guy at the bar/club groping, that sorta thing. I wasn't ever really there to fight- I was there to finish a fight before it started- smile was more to lower guards before I sprung. Nowadays, I get a drawn out "*my name*" when they see me smile- half concern, half teasing I feel. Haven't done anything like that in a long while- well, long for me. Going on a year without a physical altercation I've initiated. I'll call that a win

[Utiviroo]

I meant something out side of your existing set of hobbies/social activities. Think outside of your box. If you don't then I guess enjoy being stuck.

You could go get a degree (nursing or engineering), just pick one with a heavy skew for the gender you want. Don't have to finish the degree either.

Heck go to dance school if brain stuff isn't your thing.

Otherwise find a sport that has couples and people of all age ranges participating. Pickle-ball, tennis etc. lots of them to choose from.

If sports are too active there should be some more sedentary things that are entertainment focused out there.

I'd say board games or table top stuff, could be movies/film, learn some musical instrument too, join a band etc.

Just depends on how much time, money and effort you want to put into it.