Social awkward boyfriend

[Nogsec]

How do I make my socially awkward boyfriend stop being socially awkward

[SÜM1 i§IN myHead!!!]

spank him

[Shiro♌]

Cumball a écrit :

Ghost Robertson a écrit :

Well I'm socially awkward and if you wanted to change me I'd dump you. :csd2smile:

Socially awkward boyfriend sucks

1. He doesn't hold door open for you and thinks less awkward to shut on your face
2. He doesn't give flowers
3. He keeps saying sorry too much
4. Didn't talk to me first ever
5. He stutters which is cute kinda
6. Funny jokes turn lame when he says it because he says sorry after telling the joke
7. He won't offer me candy because he is scared I hate his candy

1. Can be changed, learned;
2. Can also be changed if you start demanding them;
3. That's something you'll have to tolerate for quite a while. You do gotta support him from behind the scenes to help him gather the courage, I'd say;
4. That can also be changed.. I'd suggest to simply talk about it, same as the first and second points;
5. That may change once he learns to be around you, but will remain the same whenever being without you nearby, or by being exposed to a lot of social interactions. That, however, can be very stressful, so one shall know their limits before setting up such goals;
6. That's the same as most of the previous points. Do prove to him that you're there for him, and make sure to dedicate some time to talk about it;
7. That kind of connects with initiating conversations, gathering the confidence.. In the beginning, start by asking him if you could have his, and vice-versa. Over time, he could easily learn and start asking for your candy ASAP.

Generally speaking, talk to him about it and support each other.
You're in it together, so helping him out whenever necessary while not overdoing it to avoid spoiling him and have him able to rely on himself alone is gonna be necessary.
The way you've phrased your replies, it's almost like you're not allowing him to breathe by having certain expectations, then moving too fast from them and before he can adapt, you're already elsewhere asking for something else while he's just realizing that his efforts were all in vain due to you wanting him to do something else..
It's very possible that my hunch is off, but this is the best I can do with the informations I've had..

[ハイイロギツネ]

Shiro♌ a écrit :

Cumball a écrit :

Socially awkward boyfriend sucks

1. He doesn't hold door open for you and thinks less awkward to shut on your face
2. He doesn't give flowers
3. He keeps saying sorry too much
4. Didn't talk to me first ever
5. He stutters which is cute kinda
6. Funny jokes turn lame when he says it because he says sorry after telling the joke
7. He won't offer me candy because he is scared I hate his candy

1. Can be changed, learned;
2. Can also be changed if you start demanding them;
3. That's something you'll have to tolerate for quite a while. You do gotta support him from behind the scenes to help him gather the courage, I'd say;
4. That can also be changed.. I'd suggest to simply talk about it, same as the first and second points;
5. That may change once he learns to be around you, but will remain the same whenever being without you nearby, or by being exposed to a lot of social interactions. That, however, can be very stressful, so one shall know their limits before setting up such goals;
6. That's the same as most of the previous points. Do prove to him that you're there for him, and make sure to dedicate some time to talk about it;
7. That kind of connects with initiating conversations, gathering the confidence.. In the beginning, start by asking him if you could have his, and vice-versa. Over time, he could easily learn and start asking for your candy ASAP.

Generally speaking, talk to him about it and support each other.
You're in it together, so helping him out whenever necessary while not overdoing it to avoid spoiling him and have him able to rely on himself alone is gonna be necessary.
The way you've phrased your replies, it's almost like you're not allowing him to breathe by having certain expectations, then moving too fast from them and before he can adapt, you're already elsewhere asking for something else while he's just realizing that his efforts were all in vain due to you wanting him to do something else..
It's very possible that my hunch is off, but this is the best I can do with the informations I've had..

Yes, a lot of young men aren't educated in etiquette anymore and it's something that they must learn and adapt to which takes time, effort, and patience.

[Nülliflower]

Punish him each time he is socially awkward. Turn him into the perfect submissive who will do whatever you tell him to and carry out your orders obediently. DOMINATE your boyfriend.

[Pocahawtness]

Cumball a écrit :

How do I make my socially awkward boyfriend stop being socially awkward

You don't.

Don't ever involve yourself with someone you want to change.

You love them as they are or you leave them.

You can only advise people on how to fix their issues, you can't fix them for them. And they may resent you for trying. They will very certainly resent you if it goes wrong.

Social awkwardness is a deep rooted issue. It can not always be fixed and trying may make things a great deal worse. This is not something a non-professional should handle.

In particular, someone who is socially awkward may well react very badly to you telling them that their social awkwardness "needs fixing". Socially awkward people often do not like to look the fool in the eyes of anyone, especially their partner. They may say they are fine but they may just lose interest in you if you push it to a place they feel uncomfortable about.

Honestly, I would leave it alone. Love them for who they are, or find someone else.

[Rio]

Find a new boyfriend, thats the person you really want

[WhiteKitt]

your bf is very young or simply doesn't have the stuff

if yo dating the opposite of a sigma don't call it socially awkward it's simply the opposite of what a classic girl wants... a guy but not a brute but def not a wuss and takin care of the family and u no... wink wink -.- :D

he is not that and u just want him to be a work slave bc u feel he owes u something and since he's weak u can manipulate him into doing your bidding but want the guide from other bad girls to do that

...is just my interpretation of your Life op :/)

[Xautos]

Cumball a écrit :

7. He won't offer me candy because he is scared I hate his candy

what an awfully suggestive comment. i don't think you mean it in the way you wrote it though.

[Candyy]

Do not force to change him...

[Nülliflower]

Pikumii a écrit :

Do not force to change him...

but being socially awkward is a huge disadvantage, chief. if we do not become socially competent, then society may not want to bother with us, because it will deem us a defective unit and then throw us away, which in turn shall make us feel isolated, unwanted, undesirable, (...) you can see this is a huge problem that needs to be acted upon as soon as possible lest we suffer severe consequences. we need to tear down the glass wall of isolation god has built for us if we want to ensure a brighter future for ourselves. you want me to have a bright, socially adequate future, with tons of lovely friends that we'd make after we get rid of the social awkwardenss; a stark contrast to the intense loneliness we've had to deal with in the past, don't you? you do want what's best for us, don't you? Don't You???

[Grim Reaper]

Arvaos a écrit :

Shiro♌ a écrit :

1. Can be changed, learned;
2. Can also be changed if you start demanding them;
3. That's something you'll have to tolerate for quite a while. You do gotta support him from behind the scenes to help him gather the courage, I'd say;
4. That can also be changed.. I'd suggest to simply talk about it, same as the first and second points;
5. That may change once he learns to be around you, but will remain the same whenever being without you nearby, or by being exposed to a lot of social interactions. That, however, can be very stressful, so one shall know their limits before setting up such goals;
6. That's the same as most of the previous points. Do prove to him that you're there for him, and make sure to dedicate some time to talk about it;
7. That kind of connects with initiating conversations, gathering the confidence.. In the beginning, start by asking him if you could have his, and vice-versa. Over time, he could easily learn and start asking for your candy ASAP.

Generally speaking, talk to him about it and support each other.
You're in it together, so helping him out whenever necessary while not overdoing it to avoid spoiling him and have him able to rely on himself alone is gonna be necessary.
The way you've phrased your replies, it's almost like you're not allowing him to breathe by having certain expectations, then moving too fast from them and before he can adapt, you're already elsewhere asking for something else while he's just realizing that his efforts were all in vain due to you wanting him to do something else..
It's very possible that my hunch is off, but this is the best I can do with the informations I've had..

Yes, a lot of young men aren't educated in etiquette anymore and it's something that they must learn and adapt to which takes time, effort, and patience.

What about guys on the autism spectrum? Even if I did learn it over time, "etiquette" is really just a list of useless social rules. To neurotypical people these things come natural, it's not the same for neurodivergents so the least you could do is attempt to understand these people since I can't ♥♥♥♥♥♥♥ understand you either.

Nülliflower a écrit :

Pikumii a écrit :

Do not force to change him...

but being socially awkward is a huge disadvantage, chief. if we do not become socially competent, then society may not want to bother with us, because it will deem us a defective unit and then throw us away, which in turn shall make us feel isolated, unwanted, undesirable, (...) you can see this is a huge problem that needs to be acted upon as soon as possible lest we suffer severe consequences. we need to tear down the glass wall of isolation god has built for us if we want to ensure a brighter future for ourselves. you want me to have a bright, socially adequate future, with tons of lovely friends that we'd make after we get rid of the social awkwardenss; a stark contrast to the intense loneliness we've had to deal with in the past, don't you? you do want what's best for us, don't you? Don't You???

Society desires results and progress above all else, it's not essential to be a good or socially competent person, it's only essential to be an effective person. As long as you get results, you get paid, and as long as you get paid you need not bother with anything else.

Cumball a écrit :

Ghost Robertson a écrit :

Well I'm socially awkward and if you wanted to change me I'd dump you. :csd2smile:

Socially awkward boyfriend sucks

1. He doesn't hold door open for you and thinks less awkward to shut on your face
2. He doesn't give flowers
3. He keeps saying sorry too much
4. Didn't talk to me first ever
5. He stutters which is cute kinda
6. Funny jokes turn lame when he says it because he says sorry after telling the joke
7. He won't offer me candy because he is scared I hate his candy

As for you I did have a few choice words, but some of these are completely minor issues. As for the rest of them I can see where you are coming from, I'd suggest finding a new boyfriend if you say it "sucks", and maybe he will find someone who can appreciate him despite the fact he doesn't fit into the mold.

[.happybutcher.]

Ghost Robertson a écrit :

Well I'm socially awkward and if you wanted to change me I'd dump you. :csd2smile:

Literally this. If he's okay with it, so should OP be too. Wanting to change him is rude.

[Enigmatic]

Take him to a place full of macho men.

[Axe]

Cumball a écrit :

Ghost Robertson a écrit :

Well I'm socially awkward and if you wanted to change me I'd dump you. :csd2smile:

Socially awkward boyfriend sucks

1. He doesn't hold door open for you and thinks less awkward to shut on your face
2. He doesn't give flowers
3. He keeps saying sorry too much
4. Didn't talk to me first ever
5. He stutters which is cute kinda
6. Funny jokes turn lame when he says it because he says sorry after telling the joke
7. He won't offer me candy because he is scared I hate his candy

Dong?

[Grim Reaper]

Kiddiec͕̤̱͋̿͑͠at 🃏 a écrit :

Grim Reaper a écrit :

... Society desires results and progress above all else, it's not essential to be a good or socially competent person, it's only essential to be an effective person. As long as you get results, you get paid, and as long as you get paid you need not bother with anything else. ...

What you are proposing is more efficient but it's not better.
(In fact, it's a more efficient way to get to the self-terminating & self-destructive outcomes produced by social competency.)
There ARE things that are worth bothering with beyond getting paid. They're not social expectations, like many would claim, but rather values worth upholding and protecting.

For example, and as a metaphor for most situations where payment is not most important :
If you get paid to poison the air that your children and you will breathe, that's a job that one should reconsider before efficiently completing.

I'm struggling to convey this better at the moment, so here below is some related videos that convey similar ideas, more effectively.

In the following video, the reasoning for WHY we highly value getting paid is laid out, as well as the fact that getting paid isn't the only thing you have to bother with because while everyone values money, no one values money just for the sake of having lots of money :
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZeecOKBus3Q

This video further expands on that idea by explaining the difference between terminal and instrumental goals, values, and behaviors :
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hEUO6pjwFOo

This video covers a wide-array of subjects, some of which entails the importance of protecting what is most dear to us because if we simply maximize efficiency (espeicailly in regards to getting profit) without putting in any effort to protect the things that we ACTUALLY care about, then those things will be gone from the world forever :
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=U1xVk-ON9OA

Nice response, I appreciate it actually. My point however wasn't as much with the values you mentioned as much as it was about the social expectations.

If you are socially-awkward but still an effective person, you will just live a quiet life with a small but close circle of friends, while still being better off than most people.

If you are socially-awkward and a good person, your good deeds will never be appreciated by anybody because you are already a retard in their eyes.


My problem is with people like OP, thinking that socially awkward people can just be "changed" and even going out of their way to say living with them "sucks". What OP doesn't realize is that she isn't the first or last person that's going to treat her bf as a literal lesser human being, simply because he has a different form of communication and doesn't conform. After all, why should one conform to a mass of people who constantly treat them as lesser, tell them to change and put labels on them, yell and laugh at them despite them technically not doing anything "wrong", well honestly they don't deserve that person. Some of the replies on this thread just prove what I'm saying, one ♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥ even subtly suggesting violence by saying "Reprimand him gently." because OP's boyfriend doesn't hold the door open or what the ♥♥♥♥ ever.